[sourpuss]

Can't you just block texting on his phone?

[tesoro]

I just moved on and don't expect every man to act like that. But my recent ex had been cheated on and the man in my life right now was and you'd think every woman they ever met cheated and they just don't seem to be able to let go of it. I'm getting tired of hearing about it, dealing with the anger they carry, I know it hurts, I choose not to dwell there. Why can't they move forward?

That's a very good question, WC. I have also wondered that. My thinking is that some men are so used to being dominant and having the respect and the power in society, that they are at a greater loss when they have been cheated on by a woman. It threatens their masculinity and their own personal identity to know that they have been duped by a woman. Also, I think women are emotionally more mature than men, in general. I don't want to stereotype all men here. I am sure and I hope that there are many emotionally mature men out there. I am 46, just separated from a long term marriage and I am hoping that once I pull up my own boot straps, I will meet a wonderful, loving, giving man.

[jns]

Imagine my shock when a woman answered the phone! I told her that she has been carrying on a "text affair" with a married man. She blamed it all on him and hung up on me. I then called my husband, who came up with a lame excuse about being lonely. My husband claimed that the woman asked for his number and he was crying on her shoulder about being lonlely. I shut his phone off but he somehow figured out how to turn it back on. He stopped communicating with that woman right away but I later found out that she is twenty years younger than him and was formerly employed as an "exotic dancer" and sex phone worker!

She was a sex phone worker and she blamed it all on him. That is really rich. She made money by being able to talk to men and keep them interested, but she lost her professional skills while texting (rhetorical)? Hahahaha. However, it does take two to tango, but your husband may have not realized he was in deep water. Best you cut it off when you did. Did he know of her professional qualifications?

[bella321]

She was a sex phone worker and she blamed it all on him. That is really rich. She made money by being able to talk to men and keep them interested, but she lost her professional skills while texting (rhetorical)? Hahahaha. However, it does take two to tango, but your husband may have not realized he was in deep water. Best you cut it off when you did. Did he know of her professional qualifications?

Yes, he knew of her former profession but I just found out a couple days ago. My husband apparently was desparate for attention and the young was enjoying the game. I have accused my husband of having sex with this woman several times and he vehemently denies ever touching her. I just dont understand how anyone can send sexual messages back and forth, night and day and not "seal the deal" by having sex with that person. I know that she lives a few blocks away from his friends condo and I have this dreadful feeling that she made visits when he lived there. The thought of me sending texts to some man that I just met, with sexual comments, makes me sick. Everyone has fleeting fantasies about other people but getting into sexual texts or conversations is wrong!

[bella321]

I would appreciate it if I could get some feedback on my husbands comments yesterday. I caught him with the texting/Facebook/email nonsense two months ago and as far as I can tell, he has had no contact whatsoever with either woman since that time. He apologized and has been very kind and attentive to me since I caught him. Coincidentally, he lost his job one week after I busted him with the text messages. He has given several possible reasons for being laid off but I suspect that his two months of obsessive text messaging (300 per month to one girl, 200 to the other) at all hours of the night and day may have contributed to his loss of employment. I am the sole breadwinner in the household at this time. I have been doing pretty good with letting the situation go, but every once in awhile it will bother me and I have made some comments to my husband about how hurt I was that he was trying to "hook up" with two other women. Yesterday, he blew up and told me to just quit talking about it. Me said some stupid stuff about how those women didnt mean anything to him and that I played a part in him behaving badly by ingorning him for years. He also said that men have a tendency to pursue other women for sex but it does not mean that they love them or care about them. I was so hurt and angry and I asked him how he would feel if he discovered that I was pursuing another man and sending him sexual messages. He said he would be hurt and then told me that I need to quit focusing on negative thoughts. How can I let this go? I believe in God and I pray regularly. I also have gotten into therapy and have discussed this with my therapist. I dont want to ruin our relationship with badgering and complaining, but I still get a creepy feeling every time I see him send a text message on his phone. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Jade_Aus]

I also have found out a few days ago that my man of 2 years, shared intiment photos of each other. She, funny enough, had the courage to tell me whereas he didn't. However they both claimed nothing happened sexually it was a once off.
When I asked him initially about the messages, he denied anything sinister going on.. So when she told me everything and I wanted he answers he gave them. She informed me yesterday that he went out the next day and there is reason to believe they were physically intimate with each other. Now he has flatly denied these allagations. He no longer speaks to her, he has cut all ties with her, he changed his phone number and closed down his facebook account (where they met.)
She is telling me he is no good to leave him, but, she has no interest in him whatsoever.....
I dont believe anything physical happened, but, the emotional hurt to think he said the same things to her as he did to me makes me sick.
Where do I go from here?
To answer your question TN you have to make the same decision as me... Do you know him well enough to know what he is capable of ? What kind of relationship will you have with him now ? Did he tell you himself or was he busted? ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THIS DECISION just like me... Your friends will tell you to get rid of him, they will plant seeds in your head of what he could be doing... Follow your instincts and trust them..
I am giving my guy another go, it was the first time this has happened and he knows how much it destroyed me... I hope you were honest with him and he understands the damage he has done.. It could be harmless flirting, but, really, is there such a thing... Of course there is, to the person who is flirting and to the people who is not effected by it...

[Jade_Aus]

YOU DID NOTHING TO MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING...
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO ON ABOUT IT!!!!
He made his bed let him lie in it!
He only got upset because, I hope, he feels guilty about what he's done and he's trying to forget about it.. Men do not realise that their "innocent flirting" effects us mentally.. We lose trust, we sometimes blame ourselves (not that we ever should do that).
Suggestions.. It really depends on how he badly wants this to work out with you.
You will in my post, my guy did a one of texting session with this girl. He changed his number, he doesnt keep his phone on silent, he shows me every message he gets, just to prove who it is.. I can read the messages and check his phone anytime I want to..
He needs to understand you have to gain back his trust and you tell him he needs to be open, because the more he tries to hide it, and get angry about it, the more it is going to be on your mind.
asking them how they feel never works, men dont think that way..
Counselling together would be benefitial, however i know how hard it is to get men into it. Fingers crossed he will..
Hope it helped

[bella321]

Thanks, Jade Aus. I am trying to let this go and build a stronger relationship with my husband. Trust is hard to get back.

[bella321]

Does anyone think it is really important if I find out whether he had sex with the young tramp that he was texting obsessively for one month? I recently discovered that she lives three blocks away from where he was living with his friend while working in Florida. I just got home from spending 9 days down there and had a wonderful time. My husband had to take care of some business and will be coming home within the next week. I just can believe that he would send 300 text messages to a 30 year old former stripper/phone sex operator and not "seal the deal" with her. He obviously did not think about getting caught with the text messages so what would prevent him from having sex with her. The only way that I would know is if one of them confessed to me. Does it matter if he had sex with her? My husband had a one night stand ten years ago while working in Mexico City. He met another engineer on the plane ride down and she invited him to dinner. Apparently, one thing led to another and they had sex. We were having some problems at the time but I chose to forgive him and have not made a big deal out of it since that time. The texting/email thing seems to be different. He deliberately started communicating with these two women while acting like he was just a lonely, working husband who had to make the sacrifice of moving to a warm, tourist area to make money. I have had the same job for 18 years and cant move since I have a pension and carry all of the insurance. I am just sickened by the dishonesty of it all and the suspicion that it may have kept happening if I had not caught him. I love my husband but have a hard time trusting him at this point.

[Momwifecareer40]

How would he feel if you did the same? Just saying. Test the waters. If he says it's just just friendship and flirting and there is no harm then you can do the same.

My husband did the same to me and I got right back him.