[mymirrose]

Did you have the rest of your talk on Friday? He doesn't have your back for this, he is causing it. But people do have your back, here. I know your heart tells you 1 thing and your head tells you the truth. You sending the text wasn't good, but understandable (to me anyways) Now, go back to your power position. When you deal with him, use your head, bring your heart here, get everything out, listen to others, it will make you stronger when you have to deal with him again. I went thru this a while ago (even came here to ask for revenge ideas, which Thank God, I was talked out of....) But everything I was told here, I had in my head when I had to deal with him.

[Guest]

So how did part 2 of your conversation go?

What, if any, decisions were made as a result of it?

[torn2pieces]

So how did part 2 of your conversation go?

What, if any, decisions were made as a result of it?

WOW - what a whirlwind, I will fill in as much as possible and sorry about some blanks, feel free to ask questions. We did talk Friday, I barley remember the conversation. Let me fill you in a little as to why the last 3 days is not all clear, I have been through so much. Friday night we talk, the conversation wasn't much. We was suppose to talk AGAIN Sat. night but my daughter swallowed a quarter and it was stuck in her throat, therefore from Sat. night to Mon. morning I was at the hospital dealing with that along with the fact she did not react well to Anesthesia. He and I finally talked Sunday evening. He's not being honest and he is down playing the situation. I know many advice against this but on Sunday (my sister came to the hospital to stay a few hours) I went to his work, to take a picture of her, I planned on just pretending I was taking a picture of the hotel (as if I stayed there or something). I walk in not even expecting to see him since he works in the kitchen but I walk in to him and her chatting it up smiling away at the front desk, I just happend to walk in when he was headed to break. I walked up and grabbed his hand and took him outside, we walked near an ally, he claims he was at the front desk just bringing up some food for someone and they were talking about that...WHATEVER. I walk back in the hotel, take the picture and walk out. He and I continue to discuss and she suddenly walks up on us, we have words, I feel he took her side as far as yelling at me "you come to my job acting an ". And to make it clear it was not a scene at his work, it probably went unnoticed, I had not intentions of acting a fool at her work, my plan to take a picture was not the smartest, but I had my reasons. So when she approached us just like him she sugar coated it, saying nothing is going on, when I asked her what was "good night babe missing you" -- she had no answer (just like him). He told her to go back to the front desk and she did (she listens to him...WHATEVER). I left with he and I arguing, cause he had to get back inside. Now before this went down, he was finally being more apologetic.

Our Sunday night conversation, was talking and then yelling, he took the jewelry he has given me, yelling that no other man is going to enjoy it, that was emotions, but whatever, the jewelry is his, he can have it, not going to argue over that, I care more about my son and the washer and dryer than the jewelry. He is telling me he was able to confide in her in a way he can't me, talking about his dreams and thoughts. He feels he can't do that with me, and I thought we had that connection. After many conversations he is now asking me why am I willing to let us go, let our love go and that I am not taking responsibility for my part in this, and he says nothing along the lines of he interacted with her because I have accused him of cheating in the past, he only says "he didn't have that connection with me that he had with her". He keeps calling it a mental affair or mental cheating, but when I say "you cheated" he gets all upset and says "I didn't cheat", cause he swears up and down he never touched or kissed her. Our daughter came home from the hospital on Monday and we had a relaxed afternoon and a few times in the day I did lean over to him to kiss him or lay in his arms, but still knowing everything was not okay. When he came home that evening and we were talking he said something along the lines of he felt we were going to be okay. When I talked I said "I don't know where we stand" so he took defense from that. Spoke with him this morning and he is asking me why am I so quick to end this when he never touched the girl and that I should take my part in this. I said "Blame it on me, when we end you can say it's all my fault". I am trying to make it clear that I am done, but because of fear and hurt of really letting it go and being over I say we need to separate. I get a text this morning from him along the lines of "okay we will separate if that's what you want, who is leaving". So now we will play the blame game and the who is leaving, when you walk out the door it's really over. I've been up and down with him, but the feeling that I am ready to leave as remained the same. Being at the hospital with my daughter was actually nice to be away from him, I realized I can do this, I find peace and strength within myself when he is not around. "Separation" the beginning to Good Bye will start soon I assume. His car is in the shop and I am hoping he gets it out in a couple of days, so it will be easier for him to leave. Until then we work, deal with kids and what not, so I try not to dwell, cry and argue too much in the meantmie. He has expressed he wants sole custody of our son, he says he doesn't want to keep me from our son, but he don't want to "pick his son up". He is a great father and I understand where he is coming from, he wants to be a fulltime father, not half. Although, I will never give up my rights and I see a custody battle in the future that I am not afraid of.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I should take my part in this. I said "Blame it on me, when we end you can say it's all my fault". I am trying to make it clear that I am done, but because of fear and hurt of really letting it go and being over I say we need to separate.

Sounds to me that he was missing an emotional connection, the laughter, the talks about anything in life which he found with her, a person, not another woman, a person... And, that is what he means by take my part in this...the realisation that something was missing....

So true in so many relationships because they do take work, alot of work, to keep it alive.

But, if you have decided that in those days spent at the hospital there is no love there then seperation is the best for both, so he can move on and find that total connection with someone, and you too...

Ask yourself first, why you hugged him, and kissed him if that is the case

CW

[mymirrose]

Wow, busy weekend!!! I hope your daughter is doing well? I don't understand the "picture" thing, but if you do, thats enough. The connection on Monday is understandable, it seems to have helped you put things alittle bit more into perspective, for you anyways. Reading what you wrote, it seems like you have come to an understanding with yourself, you now seem to have a better feel for what you want and you won't settle for less. He says it wasn't cheating, it was a mental affair? And your part of the reason he did it? Emotional cheating is just as hurtful, if not more so, than physical cheating. And it was his decision to make that connection with her and not work on your insecurities with you. As I stated before, IMHO, being accused of something doesn't make it ok to think "well, I am already being accused of it, might as well go for it". As for custody, the best thing would be joint custody. He may not like it, but I would tell him that is the best you will consider. You will both be 'picking up' your son, that is just how it will have to be and he will have to accept that.

[torn2pieces]

Ask yourself first, why you hugged him, and kissed him if that is the caseCW

Weak moment. If I could be away from him, I wouldn't fall into those moments. My strength will come from me and I won't try to get comfort from the person that caused my pain.

[torn2pieces]

I hear ya mymirrose -- just trying to move forward and move on and let go

[Ks85]

not judging , just curious on what you were going to do with the picture? im asking because i myself printed off a pic of my husbands female "Friend" from her myspace, saved it in my journal where i was at the time writing about what i went through, weird and creepy , maybe, but it sure made me feel better lol

[torn2pieces]

not judging , just curious on what you were going to do with the picture? im asking because i myself printed off a pic of my husbands female "Friend" from her myspace, saved it in my journal where i was at the time writing about what i went through, weird and creepy , maybe, but it sure made me feel better lol

First understand that it was all out of anger. I was going to post in on fb and ask rate her 1-10. I was not going to say who she was and no one knows what's going on so it may of caused suspicion or some to think WTF, but he would of known his (edit) is UGLY. Ya I know all anger but I am angry

[Guest]

Get over it.

Easy for me to say, much more difficult to do, but anger is the poison that eats away at you.

Throw away the picture, don't take anymore, stop visiting his/her place of employment. You need him to be working to help you support the child you have together and the last thing you need is to have the police called on you for doing something stupid. You must think ahead a little bit as every revengefull stupid thing you do may influence the court when it comes to custody of the child you share.

If nothing else, when you can't control your thoughts, urges or desires to strike out at him or her, think about your child and what is in the best interest of that child. Anything to take your mind off of doing something that could negatively impact your future.

That child already has one parent that appears to be less than "top shelf" he/she doesn't need two parents that are that way.