[CHANDLERS WISH]

So why keep her on facebook? If he knows it bothers you

[Crystalblue]

Yes, I still have lots and lots of questions and concerns. It's been awhile since I felt the need to bring this up with him, but from some of our conversations, it's turned into a game of asking the right questions, in the right way, and then I have to go back and forth in my head, deciding what to believe.

[Crystalblue]

I let the craziness take over and contacted her. She says her computer got hacked a few weeks ago and everyone got an invite. I didn't flip out on her or send an in your face message, nothing threatening, just something along the lines of, I have enough reason to wonder and worry. What is your relationship with my husband?

Blah! What is wrong with me?! That was dumb, I know. I do feel a little better having her know the messages aren't private and having a bit of an explanation, but I have no reason to trust her either. That was dumb.

[oxy-moron]

I have seen a few FaceBook viruses that send spam out. I cant see the point of her sending one for a dating site -
If she was after him I imagine she would have been more clever.
You are justified in being suspicious and watchful but next time do more monitoring researching and observing before you act.

[Crystalblue]

That was my husband's point, too. He wants the benefit of the doubt before I fly off the handle, but I lost my self control and patience that time. I'm letting some stuff bottle up, I think. I've been getting upset that I can do all these fun, spontaneous things with my kids and my friends, but my husband is never interested.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's good that you now know that you can get out there on your own, you are not afraid, you are living, you are independent, it's important...

But, there also has to be a line drawn whereby it's not "are you coming," or even "you are coming" but, compromise that he has to consider you, a marriage, and his children and compromise and attend something every single week whether it's his cup of tea or not....He has children and needs to realise that they need to share their lives as well with their Father and he has a wife....

I got a spam myself a day ago, from a Mod here via email, I wrote back pfttt are you trying to spam me? And, didn't open the link, needless to say I got no response why? Because it wasn't from her

Facebook is more secure, if you do not play any of the games or view the outer links, I think it's hhtps it needs to be set on, I'll have a look, (remind me) it's in my inbox somewhere over there, once set to that, spam can't get you from there.....

[oxy-moron]

You almost need to start your own thread.
Your relationship is very young for this kind of thing to be occurring- he sounds like he must be very insecure and immature.
Probably you need to spend some time implementing what you learned on your couples communication retreat before you do anything else.

[Crystalblue]

Facebook is more secure, if you do not play any of the games or view the outer links, I think it's hhtps it needs to be set on, I'll have a look, (remind me) it's in my inbox somewhere over there, once set to that, spam can't get you from there.....

I think you're right. I vaguely remember someone telling me that and resetting mine. I think she was on the level about it. The other thing was that when she replied, she wrote that they had gone to school together and they were friends. She didn't say they were "just friends" which, I know it's not 100%, but I tend to see the later as a bad sign of something going on. Either way, messaging her at all was probably not the thing to do. I'm not sure why I did that. I let some of the crazy out. Normally, I have really good self control and can react pretty rationally.

I went back to alanon tonight for my second meeting. I haven't started the step work yet, but I'm really enjoying going. I'm still getting to know everyone.

To JustKate, it's hard to let the person you love back in, and go straight back to them when they've betrayed you. My husband did this to, and I think that was his way of saying that he wasn't going anywhere. He wanted to show me that he was sorry, but it's hard to except someone wanting to be close to you when you're so angry and hurt by what they did. The only way I could get my feelings across to him at first was to write it all out in a journal for him to read. I was hurt and I let him hold me, but I made sure he knew that I could comfort myself. I made sure he knew that I wanted to be with him, but I would leave if I wasn't happy with him. I've reached a point where it seems more likely that we'll be able to work through everything, but nothing's a done deal yet. Really, I don't know if it every will be, but I guess that's why relationships are constant work, and give and take. If one of us decide to stop working on it, I think that's when it's over.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You almost need to start your own thread.
Your relationship is very young for this kind of thing to be occurring- he sounds like he must be very insecure and immature.
Probably you need to spend some time implementing what you learned on your couples communication retreat before you do anything else.

Sorry CB, oxy isn't talking to himself I moved the young ladys post above him, to her own thread, you may therefore, need to post your answer there above, onto her new thread.

Very perceptive of you to pick up that she didn't say "we are just friends", she was straight forward "we are friends"....well done

[Crystalblue]

Things have been going really well with my husband lately. We're keeping up with our regular basketball day. Also, we've been looking at apartments so the last week or so, we've been driving around to meetings and viewings. It's giving us some extra time together. I know it's not the same as a date night, but we're doing something exciting together and talking about what's important to us as far as where we live goes.

I went out with my friend for coffee last night, and while I was waiting to get a call back on where we were going, my husband asked why we never go have coffee. ?! He was joking of course to pick on me, but I hope he meant it because I'm going to try and get a coffee date going during the week with him.

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with him again though. It doesn't feel like I'm turning everything into a red flag anymore...at least not right now.