[pretzel]

Seems like you've gotten a couple of small steps in the right direction. First was he chose not to play the video game the other nite and now is planning a day with you.

Oh, to go camping again. That's one thing I miss alot.

[Crystalblue]

Tell me about it. I went with my brother's family last year. It gets really hot during the summer, so if someone's grouchy about being there, it can make the trip pretty miserable. The best times to go are in November and March or April. I can wait. That would be perfect though, get away from the tv for a few days, relax, walk around, and just enjoy each other's company. That time of year it's too cool to swim, but still more comfortable than being stuck outside on a 110 degree day. Still, I can settle for a day at the park. If he starts complaining about the heat, we could try museums. He's so out of practice of going out and having fun, I don't think he realizes how much there is to do.

[pretzel]

Tell me about it. I went with my brother's family last year. It gets really hot during the summer, so if someone's grouchy about being there, it can make the trip pretty miserable. The best times to go are in November and March or April. I can wait. That would be perfect though, get away from the tv for a few days, relax, walk around, and just enjoy each other's company. That time of year it's too cool to swim, but still more comfortable than being stuck outside on a 110 degree day. Still, I can settle for a day at the park. If he starts complaining about the heat, we could try museums. He's so out of practice of going out and having fun, I don't think he realizes how much there is to do.

That is such an open invitation. Hopefully you can get him to understand just how one simple little thing that has changed over the years could be of such great benefit now.

That is a sentence I'd write to him and let him ponder the possibilities.

[Crystalblue]

My reflection day is coming up again tomorrow. I was thinking about where I was at, and where he was at, working through everything. I've been finding myself getting frustrated easily that he's not changing faster for me. Yesterday he backed out of going with me to my brother's baby shower. I let myself have a good time while I was there, but once back home, I spent most of the time thinking up mean things to say to him (I didn't say them). He took over someone's on call shift for today, and got called in earlier, so I took off with the kids and had a picnic at the park. I didn't tell him we were going & he came home to an empty house, wondering where everyone was.

It got me mad because he's trying so hard to prove that he can be counted on at work. He'll drop whatever he's doing to help out. He'll go in early or stay late & all they have to do is ask. It makes me wonder where we'd be at if he put the same energy into proving himself to me.

A lot of it, not all, is my own frustration of things moving so slowly. I had to take the time to notice that he will drop what he's doing if he thinks I'm upset about something, he is spending more time with me, and he is trying to prove himself to me that I can trust him.

I made myself sit and think about if I was starting to feel close to him again and trusting him more. It's not a complete trust, but I do have a little more faith in him and feel like we're closer. I don't have the daily urge to check his accounts to see if he's messing up. I think a lot of it is that I'm feeling better about myself. Taking myself out to have fun is showing me that, yeah I love my husband and want to be with him, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if it didn't work out. It would hurt, but I would make it.

[Crystalblue]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to lend some advice & support in a time when I was broken. I'm continuing through the healing process & wanted to keep the site updated on where I was at emotionally. When all of this happened I was pretty desperate for some help & have seen that there's a lot of people struggling with hurt in relationships. I thought it might help someone else in the future if I kept an online account of the before and after.

I'm going to take a little break from checking the site. I can't help but read other relationship stories & the majority of them are keeping me feeling the pain I felt & still feel now. Feel free to reply as I'll check back in about a week, but I wanted to see if I could identify whether the emotional stand still was being caused by my relationship or if it was influenced by the stories I've been reading.

Thanks again. God Bless.

[Crystalblue]

I guess things weren't improving as much as I thought. If we had kept up with regular dates and outings, I think I would be feeling better. I'm having a lot of problems with depression right now. I've gotten to the point where I don't even know what to work on anymore. Mainly, I've been making new efforts to get out of myself lately. Schools out so I haven't been doing my regular volunteer work with them. I've switched to finding new outings to go on with my kids, but I'm so down that I don't enjoy it like I should.

I've been making myself get up early a few times a week to go jog and have gotten back into my hobbies, but I think I need more activities to get me interacting with friends. I'm trying really hard not to let this take over me, but I'm leaning more towards counseling at this point. I don't like the idea, but the thought of being owned by my problems is worse.

[caterpillar79]

Going to the counselor is good for you, for they do help you process your pent-up emotions you don't know how to figure out on your own, so I'd say go ahead even if your hubby is not into this. Work on yourself and keep at it. I'm sorry you're felling down....but have you also considered having your hormonal and vitamin levels thoroughly checked? I went in at my gyno's office and had her check these for me and we found out that I do have hormonal fluctuations. Though she recommended hormonal supplementation for me, I didn't agree. I did a dietary switch, and so far it is helping me. Also it sort of gave my husband a more tangible evidence as to my roller coaster and he is more supportive now, though at times, we do have those unavoidable monthly dramas. I hope things work out for you soon.

[Crystalblue]

I hadn't really considered it being hormonal. I can have that checked at my next visit. A lot has changed about my lifestyle since all this happened, mostly my diet. I go through loss of appitite when I'm stressed or sad about something, so I haven't been eating the same as I was. I make sure I have regular meals, but the foods I used to enjoy don't appeal to me anymore. It seems like that was a change for the better though. I don't eat the same junk food and fast food, and I don't drink sodas anymore. I have smaller portions for meals and snack on healthier stuff like carrots. I have a regular exercise routine now, too. I've always walked a lot, but didn't do any cardio before, whereas now I jog 3 times a week.

I don't know if that would effect my hormones, but I can look into anyway. When I read through my journal entries I can definitely see the fluctuations in how I'm feeling. I'm fighting it hard, but I'm starting to think I might be in trouble with depression. I wouldn't take medication for it, but I'd look into other help I can find. I've never had problems with depression, so I don't think hiding it with pills is the right thing to do. I just can't seem to work through my emotions anymore.

[WildChild]

Running can be a really good way to balance your emotions and health.

Your husband may see being dedicated to work (provider) as a way to show his commitment to you and the kids. He may also being a "man" as being serious.
Are you speaking different languages?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's very hard to make changes very hard. He could be using work as an escape, he knows where he is at, but he maybe having trouble being "around it" whilst he goes through those changes.

I think you are doing magical, the picnics, change of places, jogging, it in itself is therapy but, you also need laughter that's medicine.

Think of where you can go for that, what you could join where you are mixing with others and getting that opportunity for laughter.

CW