[jns]

I told him last night after we went out, and came home from the restaurant. I was getting ready for bed he just came out and asked me. So I told him that I wanted to be the most loving wife and devote myself to the relationship, our 4 children and him forever then I told him I had been dishonest and I had in fact cheated evening he came home.

He looked at me straight in the face and call me a ****************, a filthy ******************** and a heartless ****************. Then he slapped me with his closed fist twice. He left for the night. He came back this morning and was in the kitchen waiting for his breakfast he smelled like perfume and alcohol. I tried to hug him and he pulled away from me. I made his breakfast and tried to talk to him about last night and asked him why he smelled like woman's perfume. He just looked at me and said he thought I looked ridiculous with a black eye and he threw a pair of women's panties on the table and said now we are even. He told me that he was having a legal agreement drawn up that basically says if I cheat in the future I am giving up my legal rights to my marital assets and he gets custody of our children. He said if I do not sign it then we are going to split. I know he he only reacted because he was hurting and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I made a huge mess and made this happen,I deserved everything I got and I just want things to go back to normal.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, now that you have both been very foolish; it is time to work on putting things back together. That would be done before a counselor, not before a lawyer. Can you both recommit to each other?

He was being very foolish having a one night stand. If he were to try to take the kids, you can use it against him to counter your one night stand.

Have a trusted friend take photos of your black eye. This friend will have to testify if things get legal, even in divorce. He should have never laid his hands on you. That is assault and/or battery depending on the jurisdiction. If he insists on a document that probably wouldn't stand up in court due to duress, you could have him charged criminally. That would hurt his chances at custody.

Don't sign and take your chances, IMO. Do spend a few days away from each other. Consult with a lawyer if you should get the police involved as I cannot give legal advice. Get the photos separately as insurance.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mmmm.

He slapped you with closed fists twice and gave you a black eye and just commented that you looked ridiculous?

I don't get that. Shouldn't at least that part have been " I'm sorry about hitting you, I've never hit a woman before, I never will again but I am still hurt, angry etc etc "..

This is wrong, something there is wrong .

Do you know for sure that he honestly has never cheated, never suspected it? He was in my opinion either too casual on this, throwing knickers on the table smelling like perfume or alternatively set you up, ie) purely got them from someone to pretend.. And, what woman says "yes, you can take my knickers home", who has never met him before or slept with him.

Don't sign. There is something fishy there....

[jdub72]

He has NEVER touched men in anger prior to this. I still think I deserved it, if the shoe was on the other foot I would have done the same thing. I do not want to loose my husband I love this man more than anything. The thing that bothers me is he went out and had sex with some random woman. I talked to him today and he was sorry for slapping me. We both have had a good cry and I told him the OM's name cause he wanted to know who it was. We have talked all day and we are working out some communication issues that we let breakdown over the years.

[jdub72]

I have never been hit by him in the past. I just dropped a bombshell on him and he reacted badly. He is very upset with me right now, and he knows the guys name i slept with.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

I really hope he doesn't do anything else irrational like track the man down and threaten him etc.. I know you think you deserve to be hit but you didn't.. That's not a way a man should respond even when he's angry.. Especially to a woman let alone his wife..

[Stillness]

I'm happy for you, jdub72. I've been watching since you first posted. I thought that this whole thing was going to go much worse. I thought that you would either do the wrong thing and withhold this from your husband (who obviously knew) and lose his trust forever OR tell him and get an extremely violent reaction. I don't even want to say how violent. I didn't know what to say. We all make mistakes. How we handle them says a lot about our character. The cover-up is often where the worst sin is. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for coming clean to your man. Many others would lie through their teeth for life. It looks like the truth may be burning through the things that put a wedge between you two.

I don't think your husband's reaction was extreme or unexpected. I'm happy that you two seem to be on the road to reconciliation. I've heard repeatedly that a marriage can improve after infidelity. Overcoming the pain together can make for strong bonds. I wish you well. Keep us posted if you can.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Stillness are you saying it was okay for her husband to strike her? And give her a black eye? I am confused ?

[Stillness]

Stillness are you saying it was okay for her husband to strike her? And give her a black eye? I am confused ?

No, I'm not saying that, Bladyn'smommy16. After what she did I was afraid to tell her to do what I think is the right thing. This could have gone a lot worse. Her husband was gentle compared to what has been done to women throughout history up until this day all over this planet for less of a violation. Her feelings are hurt more than her body and she seems to be on the road to reconciliation. It sounds like a good outcome to me, all things considered.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm sorry.

No woman ever deserves to be hit by a man... This is not acceptable under any circumstances.

We are human beings, we make mistakes but a real man would never hit a woman and I apologise up-front for being blunt with "my" opinion on the matter.

However, I am glad that he apologised and cried.

People often react, like for like, it can often be the only way to get over something jointly, together so again, I don't believe you can be upset with him for the random hook-up based on his emotions and again, I am glad that it wasn't something fishy.

Still, is he insisting you sign something? Or has that thought now passed.

CW

[jdub72]

I do not know about the paper work we talked more and both cried more, he is being distant and he seems to show me more respect. My face hurts but not as much as my heart, he did not lie to me he told me he hooked up with a random single at a bar and it was for sex only, and he does not even know her name.