[SpicyV]

I am confused. Am I supposed to feel that people that have open relationships are enlightened, or even evolved beyond those of us that don't want open relationships?

Also, for those of us that don't understand open relationships, I don't think calling it "jealousy" is the right word. It's something beyond that. I feel like an "open marriage" is (borrowing words from Jen, but used in a different context) like a violation of a bond.

I don't mean to offend anyone but my opinion is that if you feel like you need an open marriage then you probably did not choose the best person for you. In which case an open relationship is probably a sensible alternative to divorce and is a situation where there would not be jealousy.

If person A has a crush on you, but you give the attention to person B, then person A will be jealous of B. I do not think there is a "crush" between married partners in an open relationship. Which is why there is no jealousy, and which is why I think they may not habe paired with the best person (though they may still be a great person, just not the best match).

You aren't supposed to think anything. I admire couples of all kinds. I was just sharing my experience.

Calling it jealousy was my own feeling about what was going on.

[Natalie1962]

I've had an open marriage for years though it was never something we did officially it just sort of worked out that way. We started swinging together years ago but we both preferred being alone with the other partner but in the next door room with doors opened. But as we got older (I'm 52 and my husband is 57) we didn't swing as much but he wanted me to continue since my sex drive was at full blast and he enjoyed me being intimate with other men. It sort of morphed into an open marriage but much more one sided on my behalf by his choice. It's really kept our marriage a happy one all these years especially since his health issues mean he has trouble achieving an erection at times. That means sex between us is hit and miss but I actually prefer the intimacy of just being hugged while we talk in bed with sexual frustrations since he encourages me to have sex with others at least weekly if not more. As a result I've been able to keep my intimate time with my husband come tilt separated from my sex life with other men. I may not get an orgasm from my husband that often but I crave being on his arms because of our shared history and for the fact that he gave me my two daughters.

Natalie

[jns]

I've had an open marriage for years though it was never something we did officially it just sort of worked out that way. We started swinging together years ago but we both preferred being alone with the other partner but in the next door room with doors opened. But as we got older (I'm 52 and my husband is 57) we didn't swing as much but he wanted me to continue since my sex drive was at full blast and he enjoyed me being intimate with other men. It sort of morphed into an open marriage but much more one sided on my behalf by his choice. It's really kept our marriage a happy one all these years especially since his health issues mean he has trouble achieving an erection at times. That means sex between us is hit and miss but I actually prefer the intimacy of just being hugged while we talk in bed with sexual frustrations since he encourages me to have sex with others at least weekly if not more. As a result I've been able to keep my intimate time with my husband come tilt separated from my sex life with other men. I may not get an orgasm from my husband that often but I crave being on his arms because of our shared history and for the fact that he gave me my two daughters.

Natalie

Most people hold onto their partner too tight to allow for relationships with others even if they have no interest in fulfilling some of the promises of their relationship with their partner.

In this case the husband would like to be more fulfilling but physically cannot be. Encouraging his wife to continue to get sexual fulfillment elsewhere (even if he cannot do the same) strengthened their bond.

A question to Natalie, has your husband ever considered getting an implant to achieve erection. I once knew a guy who got one in his sixties and it sounded like he was having as much fun as if he was in his twenties.

[Natalie1962]

To jns: My husband has been seeing a doctor and he can still achieve an erection; however, he has trouble maintaining it over a long period of time. That makes our lovemaking a bit rushed as he doesn't want to lose it during sex. Viagra and the other ED medication seem to work but quickly wear off for him. Your question about the implants is something he rejected, but instead we have opted on using in polite terms would be a fake penis (dildo) that is specially made to fit over the man's penis and using straps to keep it tightly against the man. It allows him to be able to penetrate me and "give it to me good and hard." He doesn't require it all the time and is capable of intercourse without it. It seems to be an insurance police for him which has actually calmed his mind a bit. He is most afraid of not being able to please me at all (which is silly but he fears it) so if having this device gives him a little peace, I'm all for it.

Natalie

[SpicyV]

That's awesome Natalie1962. Thank you for sharing. I have had people as how we keep the jealousy out of what we do and all I can tell them is honesty have you ever experienced this?

[rachel66]

My husband and I decided to try an open marriage 8 years ago because of health issues that resulted in his not being able to perform. I've always had a lot of sexual energy and he sensed my frustration and it was actually his idea for me to find a lover. We went through with it and it has worked for us. Fortunately my husband's health improved but we decided to remain in the open relationship. He isn't interested in other women but I've had several lovers during that time.

[Echo7]

If it works for you and you are both happy, SpicyV then that's great. I personally can't get my head around 'sharing' my husband nor would I feel right being with another man. How do you keep the sex and emotions separate? I mean what if one of you falls in love with someone else that you're having sex with?