[CHANDLERS WISH]

Reverse your thought pattern for a little bit and see if it changes.

I get that you feel like it's "sex" and so you don't want it, kiss, lube, in, out, finished, done nothing to look forward to because, you know exactly what is going to happen.

I get that the vibrator, makes you feel wet instantly, no lubricant, even by just touching it, that's because your in control, you know that you can change movements, slow, fast, where you place it etc, and not know how your body will react, it could be different each time.

There are three types of feelings, sensual/sexual and plain horny.

I'm going to suggest you try to please yourself beforehand, and see if that helps, and to suprise him stand in your kitchen, with a dress on, nothing underneath, bend over to pick something up so he realises and ask him to take you there.

Next time, touch yourself in front of him just briefly so he realises. Hopefully he doesn't kill the moment and tell you not to.

But, point being, go back to being a teenager with him, often, with different positions you take charge.

See, if he starts to change his patterns.

The main problem I think is you now view it as "sex" and it doesn't interest you to do that, there's no excitement.

Take control, don't talk, actions speak louder and see if you can bring it out in him.

Don't think you have anything to lose.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

(edit)

Just to add.

At this point, I wouldn't tell him you find him un-attractive, actually I wouldn't ever say that at all, makes a person feel low self esteme yet, they understand I love you but I don't know if I am in love with you anymore and this is usually stated when you don't wish to continue trying to solve your marriage anymore, you 100% know your not and so you want out.

I also wouldn't tell him yet about the vibrator if your brave enough to try some of the suggestions which "others" may come up with ideas to add to, you may be able to bring your friend out one day as you want..

But, here I agree with OTYA, in as much as if he found it, he would probably feel very low.. No point hurting your husband.. So please make sure it's in a safe place for now.

CW

[edisky]

Reverse your thought pattern for a little bit and see if it changes.

I get that you feel like it's "sex" and so you don't want it, kiss, lube, in, out, finished, done nothing to look forward to because, you know exactly what is going to happen.

I get that the vibrator, makes you feel wet instantly, no lubricant, even by just touching it, that's because your in control, you know that you can change movements, slow, fast, where you place it etc, and not know how your body will react, it could be different each time.

There are three types of feelings, sensual/sexual and plain horny.

I'm going to suggest you try to please yourself beforehand, and see if that helps, and to suprise him stand in your kitchen, with a dress on, nothing underneath, bend over to pick something up so he realises and ask him to take you there.

Next time, touch yourself in front of him just briefly so he realises. Hopefully he doesn't kill the moment and tell you not to.

But, point being, go back to being a teenager with him, often, with different positions you take charge.

See, if he starts to change his patterns.

The main problem I think is you now view it as "sex" and it doesn't interest you to do that, there's no excitement.

Take control, don't talk, actions speak louder and see if you can bring it out in him.

Don't think you have anything to lose.

CW

I'm going to suggest you try to please yourself beforehand, and see if that helps, and to suprise him stand in your kitchen, with a dress on, nothing underneath, bend over to pick something up so he realises and ask him to take you there.

Actually, I don't need to do anything for my husband because even if I blink, he gets excited right away. He jumps on me almost every day and tells me how sex I am but I just don't like to sex with him due to obvious reasons as I said before.

Next time, touch yourself in front of him just briefly so he realises. Hopefully he doesn't kill the moment and tell you not to.

We've never tried it before.I don't think he'd be open to it. He has ome interesting no no rules. But thanks for the offer anyway. I may try it though. I don't have anything to lose

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, I don't think that there is anything else to suggest.

He loves you, he tells you that, he wants to be intimate with you all the time but you've lost attraction..

1. Either because you view it as sex only because that's all it is... kiss and in and out nothing else...so you feel horrid, and yucky....

Or:-

2. As OTYA stated, you just are not attracted to him anymore and you now want more, different things pertaining to intimacy in which case you are going to have to either try yourself to introduce different things slowly, or move on because you only love him as a friend and provider now.

You take care.

CW

[tinakaskal]

Be open and honest

Everyone is saying to tell your husband what you want or go to counseling...don't you think a counselor will get her to say she's not attracted to him???!

I think you should tell him you don't find him attractive. That's how you feel. Then tell him WHY you're not attracted...because he expects everything in bed but can't offer you the same. Tell him you need him to want all of your body passionately. Tell him it takes more than his hard in you to get you truly off. You need his hands, his tongue. Be very specific...he may get turned on by it too.

Yea, it's great he's nice to you and nice to your child...aren't we all supposed to be like this?! If he wants to be a good husband and lover, he needs to get out of his comfort zone. Get some videos on sexual positions, make him watch it, and then tell him that's what you want. If he can't give it to you, tell him to leave you the heck alone in the bed then. You got a vibrator that pleases you better.

I still think counseling is good, but you're going to end up saying everything you said here, so just tell him.

I wish you all the best....I hope you can find passion because life is short. when you're much older and can't get the sex you want, you'll look back and wish you had the best sex of your life when you were physically able to and young enough to get any man you want. Our desires stay with us as we age--it's our bodies that break down first. Get the good sex while you can--if that's what you truly want.

[LanaBear]

Old thread.

Closed.