[sanity47]

hi
I uinderstand you fell I lost all attration to my husand because went down hill fast drinking. I liked him less and less. There was not chance of survial for us. When I suggested counseling he poo poo it. So I decided that I was going to go for me!!And boy did I learn alot about myself!. I have a teenage daughter who I hope will develope to some day have a healthy realtionship with a man.. But she wouln't if I didn't start bettering myself..and trust me at the age her eyes are wide open.
Did you have sex before marriage? what was that l like ? was it there to begin with?
I had a friend that tried evvery thing from sexy outfits to well you name.. He never went
guess where they ended up.
I am not saying leave him at all. I'd say that you were going to couseling and if you wants to walk with you? great see if there is some mending. if not you are taking the road yourself. ( don't tell him this part) but sounds like You have sitting on the side of the road too long... for 2 years. or longer.. Don't wait another 10 years.. life is too short. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to be un happy.

[edisky]

My DH is just like yours. I believe the situations is fixable.

I have tried lingerie, porn, toys and giving him anything he wants in bed and he still does not take care of me in bed like I wish he would. However.....I am not giving up.

If I want him to do something that makes me feel good I tell him. I don't ask him!! And I will keep telling him until I am blue in the face or he does it. My husband is not confident in bed but together we will make it work.

I know it is frustrating. I long for oral and/or fingering. I guess any foreplay would be a treat but I know it will happen. I can't wait for that day. Everybody here will hear me screaming with enjoyment!!!!!!

He is a great husband and father and I will never give him up!!!

i've asked vibrator he said "are you kidding me,no" so i ended up getting it anyway but using it by myself.i just bought it like 2 weeks ago and loved it!!I wish I could use it with him. i'm a lingerie girl,i love it and wear it all the time.he's not into porn either.i didn't realize we had a problem before until some of my hormones changed after i had my baby 4 years ago.it takes a little more time for me to get excited now(not with the dildo though) and noticed that he doesn't do anything exciting.same old things for 10 years and i'm so bored.sometimes i just want to yell when he says and makes fun of me that i'm frigid.i just want to say "what do you do for me".he's a great husband and a great father too as i said before.i will not leave him because of this but i don't know what i should do either.I'm 35 and have been dealing with this problem for about 5-6 years at least.years ago before we got married he told me that sex is the main part of marriage)

[edisky]

hi
I uinderstand you fell I lost all attration to my husand because went down hill fast drinking. I liked him less and less. There was not chance of survial for us. When I suggested counseling he poo poo it. So I decided that I was going to go for me!!And boy did I learn alot about myself!. I have a teenage daughter who I hope will develope to some day have a healthy realtionship with a man.. But she wouln't if I didn't start bettering myself..and trust me at the age her eyes are wide open.
Did you have sex before marriage? what was that l like ? was it there to begin with?
I had a friend that tried evvery thing from sexy outfits to well you name.. He never went
guess where they ended up.
I am not saying leave him at all. I'd say that you were going to couseling and if you wants to walk with you? great see if there is some mending. if not you are taking the road yourself. ( don't tell him this part) but sounds like You have sitting on the side of the road too long... for 2 years. or longer.. Don't wait another 10 years.. life is too short. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to be un happy.

I had sex but with him before we got married.i had boyfriends but had never done that with them.i of course did some stuff But I was 23 at that time and he was 22.We didn't have too much experience but now I'm 35 and of course know everything. The problem is...if he goes down on me and touches that area and improves himself, I really am not sure if I would love that. I think that it's too late to fix somethings in our lives. Other than this, we don't have any problem.He's so good to me so do I.He's a great father and great in his work life etc.As I said before,if I had a chance, I would just live with him without havig sex. That would be great.

[Hopeless Dork]

If he's telling you that you are frigid, he thinks you are not enjoying sex (which you are not) so he might not be doing anything any different because he doesn't think you like it anyway so why bother. If he only could understand that you want it, you just want it better.

You mention him not liking porn... thats not the best sign I've recently been made aware of. When I was complaining to a friend about my bf's use of occasional porn she said... oh honey, that is NO problem compared to if he didn't like porn at all, that would mean little interest in sex (usually a bad sign) and you'd much rather have a sexual bf than an asexual one. She's right.

If you are bored, he's got to be at least somewhat bored too. You guys will be stuck right here in this vicious circle of him thinking you are frigid and you thinking he is boring forever unless you two can communicate with each other your true desires. That will be the only way.

Sexy lingerie and subtle hints aren't going to cut it, don't wait for him to want to do it on his own so that it can be something he does and not something you tell him to do.. or you may wait forever. Not all men read up on womens needs like our lovely resident males here. Some have ZERO clue about women other than what their wife or gf tells them.

Some just can't wait to finally be told what their woman actually wants rather than having to keep guessing. Try it. Once he knows how much you like it, how much he can turn you on it will start to turn him on too and become something he will likely love

[edisky]

If he's telling you that you are frigid, he thinks you are not enjoying sex (which you are not) so he might not be doing anything any different because he doesn't think you like it anyway so why bother. If he only could understand that you want it, you just want it better.

You mention him not liking porn... thats not the best sign I've recently been made aware of. When I was complaining to a friend about my bf's use of occasional porn she said... oh honey, that is NO problem compared to if he didn't like porn at all, that would mean little interest in sex (usually a bad sign) and you'd much rather have a sexual bf than an asexual one. She's right.

If you are bored, he's got to be at least somewhat bored too. You guys will be stuck right here in this vicious circle of him thinking you are frigid and you thinking he is boring forever unless you two can communicate with each other your true desires. That will be the only way.

Sexy lingerie and subtle hints aren't going to cut it, don't wait for him to want to do it on his own so that it can be something he does and not something you tell him to do.. or you may wait forever. Not all men read up on womens needs like our lovely resident males here. Some have ZERO clue about women other than what their wife or gf tells them.

Some just can't wait to finally be told what their woman actually wants rather than having to keep guessing. Try it. Once he knows how much you like it, how much he can turn you on it will start to turn him on too and become something he will likely love

I tell him what I like all the time but he never pays attention or at leat this is what I think. He could just try 1-2 times if he did care.As I said above, if he changes and does everything I want, I'm not sure if I would love it anyway.I think we just missed the train

[Guest]

If your marriage is pants and you dont fancy him anymore divorce him.

[Guest]

If your marriage is pants and you dont fancy him anymore divorce him.

I don't agree.

For better or for worse? Sickness and health, richer or poorer?

He's a great husband and a great father? Two very, very admirable traits.

It is just really puzzling how a piece of plastic will arouse you, but a living breathing man with a warm penis won't.

And someone said it as well - I'm a very strong proponent of telling the truth, but you CANNOT tell him that you don't find him sexually attractive anymore. That will crush him and inevitably make things worse. That being said, i'm not sure how counseling is going to help. You really can't dictate to yourself what turns you on....if it comes out during counseling...wow...not good.

What a tough situation to be in. Life would be much easier if we found all things we love sexually attractive.

Best of luck.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Denial.


He can accept your bj's, licking, being, intimate, loving, kissing, on top.............

Do you do all that?

But he won't touch you, go down on you, use a sex toy with you, want to explore and you feel, well sex is sex.

You tell him what you give.

You ask him what you would like or even you don't tell him what you give, rather expect him to know that..... But, he refuses, he blames you, states your frigid.


He doesn't like oral.

He's happy to accept but eweeeeee regarding your needs, ... he can't do it, so how does he get out of it? Denial... And after that.......blame..........

It's hard because I too believe in marriage till the end but what do you do in that situation if you have already made it known? Already asked? Begged almost?

And nothing?

Answers?

CW

[edisky]

I don't agree.

For better or for worse? Sickness and health, richer or poorer?

He's a great husband and a great father? Two very, very admirable traits.

It is just really puzzling how a piece of plastic will arouse you, but a living breathing man with a warm penis won't.

And someone said it as well - I'm a very strong proponent of telling the truth, but you CANNOT tell him that you don't find him sexually attractive anymore. That will crush him and inevitably make things worse. That being said, i'm not sure how counseling is going to help. You really can't dictate to yourself what turns you on....if it comes out during counseling...wow...not good.

What a tough situation to be in. Life would be much easier if we found all things we love sexually attractive.

Best of luck.

I don't agree either. Leaving him is not a solution because I love him. It's not that easy to leave him for this. As someone said here before, maybe he still doesn't know how to do it (even though I've tried to teach him and told him what I wanted and what made me excited). I'm thinking to talk about the vibrator that I got but not now.

[Guest]

I don't agree.

For better or for worse? Sickness and health, richer or poorer?

That doesnt work if you have gone off them, now does it?

You only have one life so why spend it with someone who doesnt do it for you move on its for the best