[Frustr8ed]

I agree with OTYA. You don't just call it quits when the road gets rough. There are SO many consequences to that decision. Especially when there are children involved. From what I've read, the marriage and family are in pretty good shape, it's just the sex area that needs some work. You just need to find the right way to communicate your needs to him and by all means, do it constructively. Attacking or criticizing him will only push him further away. If he doesn't like the look, feel, taste, smell or whatever, try to be understanding and see if he has other ideas on how he can pleasure you since you seem to be willing to pleasure him.

[edisky]

I agree with OTYA. You don't just call it quits when the road gets rough. There are SO many consequences to that decision. Especially when there are children involved. From what I've read, the marriage and family are in pretty good shape, it's just the sex area that needs some work. You just need to find the right way to communicate your needs to him and by all means, do it constructively. Attacking or criticizing him will only push him further away. If he doesn't like the look, feel, taste, smell or whatever, try to be understanding and see if he has other ideas on how he can pleasure you since you seem to be willing to pleasure him.

I agree.My marriage is in good shape except the sex part.Needs more work though. Thanks

[blondie80]

Ok a few other things in here, have you masturbated in front of your husband so he can get a better idea of what you like? Some guys aren't all that comfortable or confident to do anything much, at the same time I can understand you thinking you have been ripped off basically when it comes to sex.
He needs to learn how to please you, he may never do oral or be overly happy with touching you but without it basically it can be a hopeless case for you and its obviously starting to drive you away, and then the blame is coming back to because he is calling you frigid.
He may need gentle nudges to help along the way and persistance, just because he touched you one night and you enjoyed it and showed it doesn't mean that he is going to do it next time because he may be waiting again for you to ask it sometimes that sort of stuff can be pretty repetative. As for having sex with the lights off maybe ask in a way that it turns you on if you can see him naked or see him enjoying himself, say something simple like can we leave the lights on tonight babe I would love to see the reaction on your face when I ,,,,, It would be a real turn on.
In life our sexual needs change and our needs on a day to day basis we all seem to need to adjust a little from time to time.
OTYA as for the comment that you couldnt understand about how a vibrator would be more interesting than a real penis, in these kinds of situations when the woman isn't getting what she needs its the excitement and the pleasure that she is getting from the vibrator and not from her husband thats exciting, its kind of like reverse with guys and porn lol.

[Guest]

OTYA as for the comment that you couldnt understand about how a vibrator would be more interesting than a real penis, in these kinds of situations when the woman isn't getting what she needs its the excitement and the pleasure that she is getting from the vibrator and not from her husband thats exciting, its kind of like reverse with guys and porn lol.

She mentioned earlier in the thread that she had an orgasm almost everytime she had sex with her guy. So, apparently it isn't the physical component she's missing (unless she's lying). It's the emotional component- she wants him to go down on her, or do different stuff.

A vibrator only addresses the physical component. That's what I don't understand.

So the point of it is she'd rather not have sex with her husband in the first place. And since she still has sexual needs, she's getting the job done by herself. I think she's using the excuse of, he won't go down on me, or do different things as an excuse.

There's not much we can offer her here. She really can't help what she finds attractive and what she doesn't, unfortunately.

[matt1]

Do u have a problem with his size? Maybe he is insecure about it and that is why he never gets naked and maybe he doesn't have any confidence in himself.

[edisky]

Do u have a problem with his size? Maybe he is insecure about it and that is why he never gets naked and maybe he doesn't have any confidence in himself.

Nope. I don't have any problem with his size.

[edisky]

She mentioned earlier in the thread that she had an orgasm almost everytime she had sex with her guy. So, apparently it isn't the physical component she's missing (unless she's lying). It's the emotional component- she wants him to go down on her, or do different stuff.

A vibrator only addresses the physical component. That's what I don't understand.

So the point of it is she'd rather not have sex with her husband in the first place. And since she still has sexual needs, she's getting the job done by herself. I think she's using the excuse of, he won't go down on me, or do different things as an excuse.

There's not much we can offer her here. She really can't help what she finds attractive and what she doesn't, unfortunately.

Yes. Whenever we have sex I have an orgasm because we don't have it very often and when we do I don't fake of course. Women can have an orgasm without oral or something like that but the pleasure is questionable. When we have sex I feel like I have to drink otherwise I cannot concentrate. I'm not lying of course. Why would I?Nobody knows me and I don't know anybody here. I'm just trying to find a solution for a better life and I don't want to live like that. On the other hand as I mentioned before, I will not leave him for this of course. Believe me, vibrator is the best thing that I've ever gotten for myself. Nobody can do the same job that it does I don't know what is wrong to use it. If you can't get it from your spouse and if you tried to solve the problem and couldn't do anything about it, you have rights to do something else. At least I don't cheat on him. I know you will say that's the same thing but it's not. I offered him to use it before and he said a big NO. Also of course I know what I want or not want. I'm not a teenager anymore.Our problem should be the right communication I believe.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

No excitement whatsoever. Sex is the worst sex I have ever had. He doesn't like to try new things. I guess he thinks I get excited with kissing. When we have sex, he doesn't go down on me and he's never done that before. It's weird but true. I do everything he like to him even though he doesnt do that. After 10 years of marriage, finally he just started taking a shower with me sometimes. He used to refuse that before. He even never touches that!! area. Last week, when I said I want to get a dildo (for add some excitement to our sex!! life) his response was " are you kidding me? He finds me very attractive and tells me all the time and I feel sexy but I don't want to have sex with him anymore. If I have a chance, I would live with him without having sex. He makes me feel like 70 years old. Don't think I'm selfish. As I said, I do everything he likes when we have sex. Sometimes I think about leaving him. I don't want to spend my entire life like this. I think he has some confidence issues. We have sex always lights turned off too. He never walks around naked. He put towel around him. Arghhh..

Let's go back to your original post.

This forum does not allow judging.

If you want to use a Vibrator that's your priogrative.

I think people are missing things, they seem to focus only on your husband not going down on you.

You are stating if I am correct that you were a Virgin before you married your husband and neither of you therefore experienced each other prior to Marriage to know if you were matched in that department or not.

You come from different cultures ( was this an arranged marriage by the way?) you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

He is ultra conservative and he "accuses" you of being fridgid to hide his own in-securities, the ones where he only now after 10 years and then only on occasions will even let you sight his member. The lights are always off, the towel is around him after a shower and he never even got in a shower with you two naked bodies until NOW.

In addition, you state that you do have orgasms but that he expects you to have them from kissing.. He has never even touched you there with his hand, finger let alone his mouth. He doesn't touch your body but he tells you your sexy.

Off course your going to have a complex pertaining to if you really are sexy, you don't get touched anywhere you only get kissed and then he enters that's it end of story that's your life.

But you have tried on-going doing things to please him so that he maybe opens up and can do things back.

This isn't about you missing oral sex.

This is about you not feeling like a woman full stop... Your body is not even touched like your a goddess let alone 10 years ago...

You married a conservative guy...

Your not.

Your open and want to explore. The vibrator is purely for you to feel even more sensual/sexual... And, maybe even now, a replacement as you just feel like all you have is sex.

That's it.

Can you really judge this woman with your replies?

Because the way I get this is that she is attracted to him anymore because he has never been intimate, showed love sexually, forget the going down bit that's only part of it and so she is resorting to same thing..

A man who puts it in


Or


A plastic toy that she puts in.


CW

[edisky]

Let's go back to your original post.

This forum does not allow judging.

If you want to use a Vibrator that's your priogrative.

I think people are missing things, they seem to focus only on your husband not going down on you.

You are stating if I am correct that you were a Virgin before you married your husband and neither of you therefore experienced each other prior to Marriage to know if you were matched in that department or not.

You come from different cultures ( was this an arranged marriage by the way?) you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

He is ultra conservative and he "accuses" you of being fridgid to hide his own in-securities, the ones where he only now after 10 years and then only on occasions will even let you sight his member. The lights are always off, the towel is around him after a shower and he never even got in a shower with you two naked bodies until NOW.

In addition, you state that you do have orgasms but that he expects you to have them from kissing.. He has never even touched you there with his hand, finger let alone his mouth. He doesn't touch your body but he tells you your sexy.

Off course your going to have a complex pertaining to if you really are sexy, you don't get touched anywhere you only get kissed and then he enters that's it end of story that's your life.

But you have tried on-going doing things to please him so that he maybe opens up and can do things back.

This isn't about you missing oral sex.

This is about you not feeling like a woman full stop... Your body is not even touched like your a goddess let alone 10 years ago...

You married a conservative guy...

Your not.

Your open and want to explore. The vibrator is purely for you to feel even more sensual/sexual... And, maybe even now, a replacement as you just feel like all you have is sex.

That's it.

Can you really judge this woman with your replies?

Because the way I get this is that she is attracted to him anymore because he has never been intimate, showed love sexually, forget the going down bit that's only part of it and so she is resorting to same thing..

A man who puts it in


Or


A plastic toy that she puts in.


CW

OHHH.THANKK YOUUUU) Maybe I can't express my feelings correctly but what you said is totally true. Our marriage wasn't arranged marriage. We've dated and loved each other. I did have sex before I got married but with my husband then fiancee at that time but he had sex before me, not with too many people I believe. Yes I do whatever he likes or at least whatever I think he likes but there is no return. When I said "if he does that I'm not sure if I like it" means is that I believe that if he does that, he will do that just because I want him to do that not because he likes to touch or finger etc. It's like I'll be forcing him. At this point, he can't blame me being frigid because after 10 years of marriage and total 12 years, I cannot get excited just to kiss each other for like half an hour or so. I think I'm hopeless(

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sometimes you have to read "between" the lines...

I don't know your solution to be honest, I note that he "now" after 12 years then, not 10 finally will let you see him naked, and actually "rare" but actually have a shower with you, it's not much of a conselation....

Sexually, basically there is no chemistry there, you can't be free to be you, let all your inhibitions go, your not asking him to do bondage, or anal, or even oral, your basically asking him to feel you, be intimate with you, love you, make love to you.

Basically your ying and yang, right and wrong, in that department in short.

I understand if he does do something, he doesn't do it with intimacy, love, passion, it's a chore and so therefore, you don't feel comfortable, again, it must make you almost feel like a toy yourself.

No as I said, your not frigid just the opposite and he's using that as an excuse to get out of the reality of it's him not you.

Your NOT hopeless at all.

I guess he wouldn't seek a sex therapist with you, or watch movies, because he's too conservative.

I guess you've spoken to him and his reaction is to do a few things but without passion, just like a robot.

I don't know the answer for you, other than living a non-existent un-fulfilling sex life, with no love and passion in that regard, but "friendship" strong and love in that regard, or just being friends and finding what it is you want out of life.

I do know that only you can make that decision.

CW