[Munchkin]

I have only ever told one person the full story of what happened to me. She was my best friend since i was 3 so she was the first person i went to. When i told her she called me a liar. She knew the person who did it to me and said that they'd never be capable of doing something like that. This is the reason i never told anyone else. I thought no one would believe me.
My fiance knows i was abused when i was younger, i had to tell him as he was getting concerned about me jumping at things all the time. He doesn't know who it was that done it as he is still around and i was afraid it would break my family apart.
I honestly don't know how i manage to be fine in relationships. it takes me a while to trust people though.
I do believe i should see a councellor or something at some point. I don't want to leave it in the back of my mind, safely put away, just incase one day it rears it's ugly head and knocks me down.
And that is my advice to you too. Try and find someone to discuss this at length with. Work through any feelings you may have, ones you might not even know are there. So that you can move on with your life and be able to have a good and happy relationship with your partner.

[Hopeless Dork]

Kakie, do you have sexual feelings in general? If no, have you ever? By that I mean getting turned on, masturbating, enjoying your partner's touches or experiencing an orgasm?

If you experience all those things, but not with him thats a totally different issue than if you just don't feel sexual at all. If you don't have sexual feelings within yourself its no wonder you wouldn't enjoy sex with him.

Is he a considerate lover? Does he give you lots of foreplay and do the things that make you feel the best? Do you know what feels the best to you and have you ever told him?

Doing obligitory sex is not good for either of you, for you your not enjoying it -- and for him it can be self-esteem crushing when you feel like your partner doesn't actually want to have sex with you.

[Ahryin]

Im going to wait until you answer Hopeless's questions because I was about to ask you the same thing..... so please answer

[ashleynichole]

I won't have sex either. My problem is I'm insecure and I wanna be someone else. My breast size bothers me really bad and I know a guy doesn't want to have sex with a girl who only has a A cup.

[rcoreyus]

There are probably as many men who prefer small breasts as who prefer large. Big breasts aren't the way to attract some men any more than giant pickup-trucks are the way to attract some women.

I won't have sex either. My problem is I'm insecure and I wanna be someone else. My breast size bothers me really bad and I know a guy doesn't want to have sex with a girl who only has a A cup.

[Kakie]

Kakie, do you have sexual feelings in general? If no, have you ever? By that I mean getting turned on, masturbating, enjoying your partner's touches or experiencing an orgasm?

Is he a considerate lover? Does he give you lots of foreplay and do the things that make you feel the best? Do you know what feels the best to you and have you ever told him?

heya, yeah i have sexual feelings in general, well as many as i've ever had (i'm not sure if i have as many as other people? as some people seem to think about sex much more than i do.. but then that may be because they want it, and i don't seem to, i dont know).. i do get turned on when i'm by myself.. my partner is considerate, he knows what works for me and he does pay attention to that - i think the only reason i often don't particularly enjoy it is because i'm not really up for it to start with.. which is where my problem comes in again.. theres nothing he could really do to make the experience more enjoyable for me, hes doing everything right, its just that i'm not really 'there', if that makes any sense at all?

Doing obligitory sex is not good for either of you, for you your not enjoying it -- and for him it can be self-esteem crushing when you feel like your partner doesn't actually want to have sex with you.

yeah, i know i feel terrible for him, i just don't know what else to do.. its a hard decision between never having sex at all (which he obviously doesn't want) and having sex when he wants it and i don't particularly (which he doesn't want either).. i don't know how long he is going to put up with this

[Kakie]

I won't have sex either. My problem is I'm insecure and I wanna be someone else. My breast size bothers me really bad and I know a guy doesn't want to have sex with a girl who only has a A cup.

im really sorry you feel like this.. i don't think its true that all guys don't want a girl with a small chest though.. especially if it is the "right" guy.. i think there are probably men that prefer larger chests, but then thats the same as that there are women who say prefer taller men.. so equally there are also men that not only like, but infact prefer smaller breasts, just like there are women who prefer shorter men.. its all about personal taste in my opinion..
i'm obviously not the best person to give advice about wanting sex lol but i think once you start to like yourself and become more secure you'll realise that there are loads of guys out there that will find you very attractive

[Hopeless Dork]

Well kakie, Its good that you are aware of the issue and are looking for ways to resolve it. You deserve a healthy happy sex life and so does he. I try to put myself in the shoes of your boyfriend....

Even if my guy swore up and down he was attracted to me and loved me and it wasn't me at all that he just didn't like sex... I would feel rejected, unwanted and I would not be happy in the relationship. NOT because of my physical needs not being met, but because I'd have trouble believing he loved and wanted me if he wasn't interested in sex with me.

So, yes I do predict a future of problems if you don't find a way to find your sexuality with yourself and the man you love. If one partner is sexual in a couple and the other is not ... its hard for either to be happy. One has to either do it when they don't want to and resent the other for puttin them through that guilt trip... and the other either has to go without their needs and possibly grow to resent, or do it with a partner they know isn't enjoying it.

Are you on birth control pills or anti depressents? Any other medications? Sometimes those things can interfere with your drive. Maybe talk to your primary doctor and make sure you are in good health.

And then take some time to yourself to feel sexy... feel beautiful.. and to think sexy and beautiful thoughts. Have you tried reading erotica? Looking at porn? Shared fantasies with your partner? Roleplaying? Try discovering what turns you on mentally, since your partner is fulfilling the physical parts you say, its just a matter of getting turned on in your mind.

[Guest]

If you dont want sex with him let him go and find someone who does want sex with him as a sexless relationship doesnt work unless its what you both want.

[Kakie]

If you dont want sex with him let him go and find someone who does want sex with him as a sexless relationship doesnt work unless its what you both want.

i don't need to "let him go".. if he wants to go, then he can go, hes not bound to me in any way.. we have no shared responsibilities such as house, mortgage, kids, anything like that.. however i was hoping through coming on here to somehow start to solve the issue of it being a sexless relationship as i don't want to finish the relationship with him as i am in love with him.. if he wanted to finish it he could do so at any stage.