[Munchkin]

The laws must be very different in the UK from the US. Here the "provocative clothing" defense wouldn't stand for an instant (at least in theory).

Don't get me started on the UK's justice system. It is beyond ridiculous!! Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying rapists get away with it all the time. But unfortunately for my friend this guy did!

Ahryin - that's an even better idea! I just always find writing my thoughts down easier than trying to speak them for some reason! But defiantely, write the letter then discuss it together.

[Kakie]

I chickened out because it never seems like the right time.. things between us have been strained over the last few weeks/month (due in part to this problem, but also due to other things too) and over the last few days things have really picked up, they're getting back on track (with the exception of things in the bedroom) and i don't want to ruin them i'm not sure if there'll ever be a good time

[WildChild]

Tell him you feel a need to talk and ask when would be a good time. This will let him know that it isn't urgent and isn't something you are likely to get hyperemotional about. Plan for sometime a couple days ahead. Consider what you want and need and how to best express that. Writing can help you get your thoughts in order and weed out the stuff that is better left unsaid.

When you talk there should be no TV, stereo or other distractions. You need to be comfortable, where you won't be disturbed, turn off your cell phones, be positioned so that you can see and touch. Start with some of the things you really enjoy about him and your relationship. Keep away from statements that sound accusing. Try to focus on your feelings, "when this happens, I feel..." Express that you want to learn and expand your experiences together.

[maggie0285]

hang in there

I have had the same problems. For guys the act of sex is easy. They dont realise we need more time to be aroused. Also if we try and tell them what we like they get offended. So you will have to talk to him. It is very hard because there is alot of pressure. Also I think people have gotten away from actual dating. It seems like everyone is living together after a short period of time without getting married. All the communication is gone.

[Guest]

I have had the same problems. For guys the act of sex is easy. They dont realise we need more time to be aroused. Also if we try and tell them what we like they get offended. So you will have to talk to him. It is very hard because there is alot of pressure. Also I think people have gotten away from actual dating. It seems like everyone is living together after a short period of time without getting married. All the communication is gone.

Just want to clear some stuff up. You're making sweeping generalizations....

Sex (or achieving orgasm i'm assuming you're saying) is physiologically just as easy for women as it is for men. In fact, I read somewhere women who experience their first orgasm generally do so at an age younger than their male counterparts do.

The disconnect exists because of societal norms, most men's glaring misunderstanding of the female body, and sometimes the women's unwillingness to communicate or the man's refusal to listen.

And no, it doesn't take longer for a woman to become aroused than it does a man. It may take different thoughts, feelings and touches, but just because they differ from what a man needs to get aroused doesn't mean that it takes *longer*.