[dreamoutloud]

I've got something of an unusual predicament and I was wondering if anyone had any tips. When I have sex with my boyfriend he takes forever to come. Sometimes he will exhaust himself physically before he's come and I have to finish him up orally. He can seriously just go on and on, sometimes for an hour! Usually during foreplay he'll go down on me so that I come first, then before we start sex I will warm him up with a blowjob (but stop before he comes), but even then he takes forever. We lost our virginity to each other and the first few times we had sex he didn't come at all, which surprised me. I thoughts guys were supposed to go quick their first time! After the first few times I was comfortable enough to keep going long enough for him to come (earlier I got sore after 30 mins or so). We've talked about it a bit, so I know he's not intentionally trying to hold back and it frustrates him too. He's in normal shape too, so it's not like he gets exhausted really easily, but after an hour of thrusting away no wonder.

It's not a huge problem; we still have a lot of fun and I don't mind finishing him up orally if he wears himself out before he comes. We go through a lot of different positions- I like being on top and can do that for awhile, but never long enough. I don't really get sore anymore, but it can still get a little long after an hour. But I really like when he comes inside of me, it's much more intimate than with a blow job. I also feel bad the times when he just can't come, because he's great with oral and can always get me off. I'm doing all that I can and I don't want to stress him out about it, cause I'm sure that would only make it worse, but I feel bad that it's so much harder for him.

Has anyone else encountered this problem? Any tips? Thanks!

[dreamoutloud]

Oh yeah, a few more things. I used to have this problem when giving him a blowjob, but we finally seem to have gotten over that hump (I think I may hold a record with an hour and 10 minute blowjob!) and now he comes fairly easily with that. Also, when we talked about it I asked him if he took that long when he masturbated and he said no, but that he hadn't masturbated very recently. I'm not sure what that means coming from a guy ;-), but it at least seems to me that he isn't masturbating all the time and thus being unable to perform during sex.

[SinisterUrge]

You think its bad now? Just wait till middle-age ED sets in and he can't come for an hour, and his **** won't stay hard for more than 10 minutes. Good luck with that

[WildChild]

Does he stay hard?
Can he masterbate himself to ejaculation in a much shorter time period?
How high is his sex drive? Does he have a high interest?

[Little]

Mine takes forever too! Not quite an hour each time, and just as with you, blow jobs make it come faster (no pun intended :P) His problem is he can't always concentrate enough to cum, especially if he's tired. Considering I like night sex, it's little problem :/
How does he feel about not cumming in a session of sex? Mine is really easygoing about it. I would drive myself crazy and run ragged if I tried to make him cum every time. That's our solution.

[Hopeless Dork]

Could be pressure -- even though you don't pressure him. Sometimes its hard to orgasm if your mind is on other things , think of yourself ... and how sometimes if your mind wanders to something else it takes a while to come, if it all on those days. Is there any stress going on in his life right now that might be making his brain not relax?

Does he have fears of getting you pregnant? Are you on the pill ? Is he using a condom? Sometimes fear can make a guy lose an erection/ and or make it hard to orgasm. Condoms reduce sensativity, I say wear it anyway if thats the issue, and he will eventually get use to coming that way.

Definitely needs to hold out on masturbating, a lot of guys wont admit to doing it recently to their gf... for some weird reason but if he's tugging one out in the morning when he gets up, he's going to take a little bit longer to orgasm for you later. It sounds like he understands that so it shouldn't be the issue.

Any distractions when you are having sex? Does he know you want him to finish sooner? The pressure to come might have an opposite effect. Tell him you don't care when or if he comes when you have sex, that you just want it to feel good to both of you... if it happens it happens, and thats great.

When you feel him getting close, during sex, keep up with whatever your doing. If he's trying to impress and change positions and all that and is focused more on performance it will be harder for him to orgasm. You can also try (if you don't already) a little dirty talk, role play or fantasy swapping during sex to heat it up a bit.

[Guest]

Talk to him and make sure he's not masturbating. That would be my first guess. You said he doesn't, but I'm not sure he's telling the truth. If a young male in good health goes a couple days without a release, he shouldn't take so long.

Also, if he's willing to do it - I'd say quit the blow jobs for a while. Just engage in straight sex. He'll get more and more used to it.

Weird cause I prefer sex to a blowjob most times. In fact, I wasn't even a BJ guy until recently. She's just pretty good.

[dreamoutloud]

Thank you everyone! Generally he's pretty chill about it if he doesn't come, though there are some times it frustrates him. But hey, if I'm the one getting all the orgasms that's not fair for him!

I guess it's time to have another chat about masturbation habits, though I think he understands that too much would be a problem...

I'd be curious to try out some dirty talking, but I'd have to get over my own trouble with that. I don't have a problem with dirty talk, but there's some communication issues. I speak French, his language, fluently, but it's not my first, and I'm not totally bilingual so there are certain things that don't really come naturally to me. So while I would have no problem doing it in English, it just sounds more *funny* than sexy to me trying to do it in French. Oh well!

[Little]

Figuring out sex in other languages/cultures is fun And strange. I speak a lot of French but don't know how to sex in it :/ Only English and Spanish, and only sexing in English right now. Monolingual relationships are easy, hehe.
One of the ways I figured out comfortably talking dirty in Spanish was to listen to really trashy rap songs It sounds crazy, but it worked! It helped me feel like I was saying things that sounded natural in that language ... though I've heard rap du francais and I don't think it sounds very natural at all.
Good luck!

[SinisterUrge]

One of the ways I figured out comfortably talking dirty in Spanish was to listen to really trashy rap songs It sounds crazy, but it worked!

Spanish and portuguese are the best languages to insult someone with. No doubt about it. ("a donde vas tu gilipollas cabasa de mierda?!?") But dirty talk just doesn't sound right. ("muy humedo, oi me gusta!")