[Lizzy girl]

OCULARONe...... I wish my guy was like you. we just recently had a convo about this and he said the only reason he doesnt do it any more is because it bothers me. and i dont like it. he then came back with im sorry you know i like it i see nothing wrong with it and i wont stop liking it.. i have the same views as you. but he doesnt care if i would watch it. he thinks there is absolutley nothing wrong with watching it because he said he doent want them he wants me. but he likes watching it. so i asked y cant you just look at me? im wiling to do whatever he wants no limits. and i have the same things as the girls in the videos and do the same things y am i not enough? he just said its arrousing to watch people have sex and he likes it. nothing more nothing less. but he still says he doesnt watch it for me. how can i get him to see my point? hes enough for me. i think about him whilein "doodling" so y cant he do the same?

[Hopeless Dork]

Bleah, I make videos for my boyfriend, take pictures... I've never once found them in his history when he was having 'alone' time, instead I'd find geraldine in bikini. Whatever. He deletes his history now, or maybe he doesn't look at all. Our sex life is better now, so I assuming he's not looking as much, or is 'saving himself' when he does look.

I've resigned myself to the fact that its some guy thing for some guys, it makes me sad, it makes me like him a little less sometimes, the damage our relationship took before he started focusing on me more than porn has been pretty much repaired, but all I have to do is thinking about that stuff to feel mad at him, to worry that its still an issue. To feel insecure all over again.

[ocularone]

personally i think pornography has become an addiction for most men in these times. we grew up with having increasingly easy access to it via the internet. Unfortunately (in this instance) we are highly sexual creatures. typically way more so than women. It can almost become a programmed response for us. Horny-turn on the porny (excuse the cheesy rhyme, i couldn't help myself). ANYWAYS.. i really can't speak for all men and i realize my viewpoint may not be alligned with most other men's. So i will be perfectly honest about myself and hopefully it will give you some insight. Here is what happens in MY mind (and yes my heart):

I am sexual. I have a high sex drive. I am sexually attracted to women. Women are beautiful. Every(straight) guy in the history of the universe will notice a beautiful woman. However, noticing a person's beauty is different than LUSTING after them. I will see a gorgeous girl on TV or even at the supermarket, but i don't consider what sex would be like with them.
Because honestly, i am in love. I have an amazing woman who absolutely rocks my world. I lust after her like CRAZYYYY but it's because i love her. I want to make love to my girlfriend because that's exactly what it is to me. an act of unfettered love between two people. I want my woman to know that she is the only woman for me. SHE floats my boat and gets me hard..no one else can do that. Also, i respect her and our relationship enough that, even if i were tempted by pornography...i wouldn't touch it out of respect for her and what WE HAVE. Like i said before, if i knew she was looking at other men in a way that was sexual..my feelings would be hurt. I would feel like i wasn't enough for her. Therefore, i NEVER EVER want her to have that feeling either. As long as i am in a relationship with a woman i will never be ok with looking at porn for sexual release. And i can honestly say that if i were to look at pornography right now, it wouldnt be "just the act of people having sex" that would turn me on. It's the naked woman and the idea of having sex with her..so i guess i don't get the whole "only for visual stimulation thing" but i do realize everyone is different. sorry if i have made no sense and i know most people don't agree with me. I don't see my beliefs as fact or anything like that..they are just my own beliefs on how i live my life and lead my own relationships.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm glad you posted Ocularone, you have one lucky girlfriend. I think I wouldn't know how to contain my happiness if my guy felt about porn the way you did. Girls can say what they want about not caring about their guy masturbating to images of other women they fantasize about having sex with ... but deep down many wish, hope, dream of being enough, being the object of their most intense sexual desires the way you feel about your girl.

Men come on this forum and listen to stories that women say about being hurt about porn and say 'get over it...if your waiting on a guy to think you are so enough they won't entertain porn or fantasies of other women, you'll never find that'.

You are proof that men like you exsist. And cause me to feel a little more hopeful about men in general, than I was before reading your post.

[ocularone]

and by the way it probably is helpful to understand that i am very old fashioned in the sense of how men should treat their women. call it hopeless romantic or chivalry or (as one of my friends has called it) "hella gay", but i am such an advocate for men becoming adventurous when it comes to the passionate pursuit of the woman you adore.
i think we guys can have the misunderstanding that being chivalrous and romantic will demasculinize us. Like we aren't supposed to be that way..only sensitive weenies. I can say i am no weenie (most of the time anyways). I play every sport under the sun, i change my own oil. i fix my own sink when it breaks, i rockclimb. What i have come to realize is that loving a woman is probably the most manly, hardcore, adventurous, non-weenie thing i have ever done.

[StillLearnin]

I believe that's the way we all wish it would be. That would be utopia for all of us.

But you will find that couples that have mismatched sex drives the higher drive person typically will masturbate and might make use of porn to get the visual stimulation. Often without telling their SO with the low drive because they either don't want to know or be bothered with pleasing the higher drive person. So you do what you need to to take the edge off and without rocking the boat.

Believe me, that's the way I want it to be... But being mismatched, compromises have to be made by both.

[Guest]

personally i think pornography has become an addiction for most men in these times.

A rather over zealous generalization that just isn't true.

Addiction is a *very* strong word.

[pretzel]

I believe that's the way we all wish it would be. That would be utopia for all of us.

But you will find that couples that have mismatched sex drives the higher drive person typically will masturbate and might make use of porn to get the visual stimulation. Often without telling their SO with the low drive because they either don't want to know or be bothered with pleasing the higher drive person. So you do what you need to to take the edge off and without rocking the boat.

Believe me, that's the way I want it to be... But being mismatched, compromises have to be made by both.

I think for many of us that becomes a truer statement as time and circumstances alter the relationship. It's not necessarily bad as long as there is no effect on the pleasure/passion/intimacy aspects. That should always be first and foremost. But like you said, when drives are mismatched for whatever reason compromise must become key

[ocularone]

Addiction: Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.

I didn't think that was an over-zealous statement. Which i still believe to be true from my own personal experience as a man and has lots of friends who are that definition exactly.

**EDIT** What the first statement in my previous post should state: "Personally i believe pornography has become an addiction to a lot of men (not all)***

[Guest]

Addiction: Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.

I didn't think that was an over-zealous statement. Which i still believe to be true from my own personal experience as a man and has lots of friends who are that definition exactly.

**EDIT** What the first statement in my previous post should state: "Personally i believe pornography has become an addiction to a lot of men (not all)***

There needs to be more to that definition...something addressing the consequences of said behavior.

If that definition was complete, that would mean eating food, having sex and blinking your eyes were all addictions.

I agree with your edit. Welcome to the forum, man.