[rcoreyus]

You are right to want to do something, and if you really aren't attracted to him, you need to tell him.

But - think about your own feelings to be sure you really understand yourself. He sounds like a very nice guy - and it sounds like you like him a lot as a friend. What is different about the people you are attracted to? Is it something physical? Is there some chance that you want adventure, and this guy is too "safe"? Are you not attracted - or bored? Bored can probably be fixed. Is there a particular other man you are interested in?

I'm worried that you will leave a happy relationship chasing a phantom. OTOH I know someone who stayed with a man she liked - but didn't love, and has never been really happy.

[stressed]

This sounds more complicated than you make it to be. Like somebody asked (but you didn't answer to it), what is it exactly that you find unattractive on him? Is it his looks? Is it his body? His face? His hair? Do you really love this man or do you only stay because you feel secure living with someone?

It just sounds as if he's the only one in love in the relationship and you've been living with your best friend for so long that you feel like you need a boyfriend. It cannot be about appearance only, after living with someone for years no matter how bad/good they look you still find them adorable if you love them.

[akeshabelle]

I didnt answer because I didnt want to sound like a cruel horrible person, but if you must know here goes.

He is terribly overweight
He is super hairy
He has a flat hairy rear
He has a very small penis and it doesnt stay hard very long

ok I am going to that place opposite heaven

He totally shuts me out when we fight I sometimes feel as if perhaps this has contributed to my not feeling a connection to him anymore.

It just sounds as if he's the only one in love in the relationship and you've been living with your best friend for so long that you feel like you need a boyfriend.

I feel like that sometimes too.

[GentlemanGhost]

I really think you could spare them the knowlege of them not having ever been your type, that you have never been attracted to them and never wanted to have sex with them. Thats the kind of statement that could crush them. They will forever doubt themselves in new relationships FOREVER... because they will wonder... is this person even attracted to me? Or faking it.... for years even?

You should end the relationship because you are unhappy, you are not making them happy , truly, if you are unhappy yourself. But I think you can end the relationship and not shatter their self esteem at the same time.

Think long and hard about how you would want to be broken up with, you don't have to lie... but where you can spare pain and future emotional damage.. please do so, they deserve that, don't you think?

Funny, I just posted a thread about personaility....and I got the whole "what will you do when she is all old and gross" speech.




So, the the OP looks fade over time. No matter WHO you choose to date they WILL eventually get gross. The thing that the women here have been trying to implant into my head....that I am coming around to is that PERSONALITY is forever

[SecretlySad]

PERSONALITY is forever

That's all very romantic but when you can't stand to be intimate with a person with a great personality because you are not attracted to them physically, it's simply not enough.

People say sex isn't important in relationships but imagine being rejected by your partner every time??? Having to make excuses, hoping, WISHING for some reason why you can't do it to just magically appear. Then you'll see just how important it is

[SecretlySad]

Trust me akeshabele I am going through something frighteningly similar, my situation has almost the identical issues to yours. I don't know what to tell you to do because I haven't figured it out myself yet!!! Are you the same age?

[Mes T]

GG, if it were ONLY about "personality," there would be no need for labels such as "straight, bi, gay" etc because we would all be dating each other! I would be dating my best female friend!

There has to be physical attraction, "chemistry," whatever. There HAS to be both, for a proper relationship to work.

The thing is that, with a good personality, a woman can begin to be attracted to a man who she might not have otherwise noticed.

Obviously it doesn't always work, as we've seen in this thread.

[rcoreyus]

Well I can't comment on the state of you immortal soul, but honesty is good. Honesty to us isn't important, but honesty with yourself is.

You have valid reasons for not being attracted to him - and they are not likely to change. I think it is fair for you to leave the relationship (as kindly as you can) - and much better than to stay in it if you are not, and won't be happy.

He sounds like a nice guy, he will find someone else. You will find someone you are attracted to. Far better than living your life feeling miserable.

I didnt answer because I didnt want to sound like a cruel horrible person, but if you must know here goes.

He is terribly overweight
He is super hairy
He has a flat hairy rear
He has a very small penis and it doesnt stay hard very long

ok I am going to that place opposite heaven

He totally shuts me out when we fight I sometimes feel as if perhaps this has contributed to my not feeling a connection to him anymore.



I feel like that sometimes too.

[SecretlySad]

GG, if it were ONLY about "personality," there would be no need for labels such as "straight, bi, gay" etc because we would all be dating each other! I would be dating my best female friend!

Exactly.

There are some female friends that I sometimes wish were male because they are so understanding and supportive, but as wonderful as their PERSONALITY is, they don't have the parts I like so there hehehe.

What do you mean he shuts you out AB? My boyfriend, when we fight, never wants to deal with the situation. It's always "don't hassle me", "I don't want to talk about this right now" and that drives me up the wall, especially because when he is done with his time to himself, he is still mad even afterwards lol. He just sits there with this filthy look on his face and if I say "can we talk about this?" he just rolls his eyes at me. I feel as though I have to wait around until he is ready to talk, until then I should just sit in silence. Is it similar to that??

^^ sorry, rambling a bit too much about my own ****...

[stressed]

I didnt answer because I didnt want to sound like a cruel horrible person, but if you must know here goes.

He is terribly overweight
He is super hairy
He has a flat hairy rear
He has a very small penis and it doesnt stay hard very long

ok I am going to that place opposite heaven

He totally shuts me out when we fight I sometimes feel as if perhaps this has contributed to my not feeling a connection to him anymore.


I feel like that sometimes too.

Like rcoreyus said, it's important to be honest to yourself. We are not here to judge you and you don't sound like a horrible person at all . You are not forced to be attracted to someone no matter how nice they are. I just had to ask you again, so you would 'let it out' and maybe see if there's anything that can be done about it.

He could cut down on weight with a lot of effort from both. Who knows, maybe he'd be very attractive as thin.
The hair is difficult to deal with and all you could do is ignore it, but if he has a bear fur I can understand you.
His penis can look very small compared to the rest of his body and his weight can effect his erection.

It doesn't look like he takes care of his body and of course this can lead you to feel unattracted towards him. That doesn't mean that he deserves to live alone or that no woman would want him with this appearance, but it doesn't mean that you should live the life of a saint just because he is a good man either.

If you also have constant communication issues then it's reasonable that any kind of love you felt towards him in the beginning that made you overlook his appearance is also fading away.

The best you can say, as it has been mentioned, is to tell him you don't feel the same about him anymore. That after all this time your feelings have changed and it's nothing he did (because in a way it isn't, as he's always been like this). You can skip the facts about his appearance as they would depress him too much to be able to start a new life with another woman.