[stressed]

If you calmly and caringly sit down with her to explain your problem and all she does is get up and scream, then she definitely has a serious problem, although it is very odd that she was more sexual before you moved in with her. On the other hand, if you just tell her "I'm a man, I need more sex, you don't like anything anymore, something must be wrong with you, I regret moving in", then I can understand her reaction, even if the way she approaches sex is 'wrong', as hearing that can make her feel like an object you want to use multiple times a week.

It's very important to make her see it in the sense of, you think about her a lot and you want more of her. Don't let her think that you are just after pure sex, because she won't feel special then, she'll approach sex as "something that has to be done just because we live together" and this can make her not want it as much anymore.

You complain about oral, but do you give her oral more than 3 times a month? Do you do what she likes or are you mainly frustrated because she doesn't do what YOU want? (I'm not saying you don't do anything for her, I'm just trying to figure out both sides of the coin). Trust me, I understand your frustration and going to the doctor shows that you do worry and want to fix this, many men hesitate to do that (I know mine does) and I agree with the doctor, it's clearly a mental issue.

If she hasn't been sexually abused in the past and her attitude just changed (and she is not cheating on you) then it must have to do with sex becoming something habitual or her not feeling you want her in the same way as you did before. It's definitely mental for her too and you have to find out what is wrong with calm discussion where it's going to be all just about HER. Not because your feelings count any less, but because she obviously has a serious issue going on and the only way for her to tell you what it is is by not judging her and listening to her as much as possible, without saying a word about your feelings (at least during one discussion). It's important to her to know that you love her anyway, whether the sex would be more or less. Once you find out what the problem is you can decide what you want to do, either stay and solve the problem together or leave because of bad sex.

[Hopeless Dork]

Well she never said no, she just talked me out of it a few times. Other guys did it with her. I think im gonna just do it. She barely ever wants sex in the first place, i should get somethin i want at least once in a while.

Seriously? If she TALKED YOU OUT OF IT... it means she didn't want it. To just do it anyway, well do so at your own sexual peril. You said she barely wants sex in the first place... do you really think doing something she doesn't want is going to make her want do it with you more? No. In fact, she'll probably want to do it even less than she does now... because she wont trust you.

It would be different if you guys had a spontanious sexual environment and you already knew her likes and dislikes and surprised her with new things that fell within her bounderies.

If you want to have more sex, and better sex, if you want your fantasies fullfilled... you are going to have to put the work in to make sure SHE is having good sex.

When a woman is having good sex, having orgasms, she usually LIKES having it. The fact you say she barely wants sex, added in with the selfish nature of your reply and "doing it anyway"... etc... leads me to believe you don't really think about her pleasure or desires. No offense, but that seems to be something you might want to address before demanding more out of her.

If you are satisfying her sexually, focusing on her wants in the bed and she still doesn't want sex often... you might want to look at how you are treating her outside of the bedroom as well. Many women need to feel good about themselves and their relationship in general in order to enjoy sex. Are you trying to make her feel special all the time or just when you want to get her in bed?

Do you love her? Do you care about pleasing her? Do you want to make her happy? Or is reliving some porno scene money shot worth making her feel bad, reducing your already infrequent sex encounters and making her lose trust in your ability to look out for whats best for her?

I love having sex with my boyfriend because he makes me FEEL good... he focuses on my needs/wants/desires, he makes sure I am satisfied. He also gives me what I need outside of the bedroom... the cuddles , the snuggles, the compliments he makes me feel special and desired.

In turn, there is not a fantasy of his I would reject... and am open to anything he wants sexually. But I also trust him with all my heart that he would never do anything to hurt me. I don't have to worry so I am comfortable.

He comes on my body in several ways all the time, its a routine part of loving, healthy, sex life. Difference is he knows what I like and shows me respect.

I think that you are working against your own desires by deciding to just do what want and well whatever type attitude.

[PJhavinfunagain]

do you really think doing something she doesn't want is going to make her want do it with you more? No. In fact, she'll probably want to do it even less than she does now... because she wont trust you.


When a woman is having good sex, having orgasms, she usually LIKES having it. The fact you say she barely wants sex, added in with the selfish nature of your reply and "doing it anyway"... etc... leads me to believe you don't really think about her pleasure or desires. No offense, but that seems to be something you might want to address before demanding more out of her.


If you are satisfying her sexually, focusing on her wants in the bed and she still doesn't want sex often... you might want to look at how you are treating her outside of the bedroom as well. Many women need to feel good about themselves and their relationship in general in order to enjoy sex. Are you trying to make her feel special all the time or just when you want to get her in bed?

Dork hit the nail on the head with all these statements!

[dude123]

Seriously? If she TALKED YOU OUT OF IT... it means she didn't want it. To just do it anyway, well do so at your own sexual peril. You said she barely wants sex in the first place... do you really think doing something she doesn't want is going to make her want do it with you more? No. In fact, she'll probably want to do it even less than she does now... because she wont trust you.

It would be different if you guys had a spontanious sexual environment and you already knew her likes and dislikes and surprised her with new things that fell within her bounderies.

If you want to have more sex, and better sex, if you want your fantasies fullfilled... you are going to have to put the work in to make sure SHE is having good sex.

When a woman is having good sex, having orgasms, she usually LIKES having it. The fact you say she barely wants sex, added in with the selfish nature of your reply and "doing it anyway"... etc... leads me to believe you don't really think about her pleasure or desires. No offense, but that seems to be something you might want to address before demanding more out of her.

If you are satisfying her sexually, focusing on her wants in the bed and she still doesn't want sex often... you might want to look at how you are treating her outside of the bedroom as well. Many women need to feel good about themselves and their relationship in general in order to enjoy sex. Are you trying to make her feel special all the time or just when you want to get her in bed?

Do you love her? Do you care about pleasing her? Do you want to make her happy? Or is reliving some porno scene money shot worth making her feel bad, reducing your already infrequent sex encounters and making her lose trust in your ability to look out for whats best for her?

I love having sex with my boyfriend because he makes me FEEL good... he focuses on my needs/wants/desires, he makes sure I am satisfied. He also gives me what I need outside of the bedroom... the cuddles , the snuggles, the compliments he makes me feel special and desired.

In turn, there is not a fantasy of his I would reject... and am open to anything he wants sexually. But I also trust him with all my heart that he would never do anything to hurt me. I don't have to worry so I am comfortable.

He comes on my body in several ways all the time, its a routine part of loving, healthy, sex life. Difference is he knows what I like and shows me respect.

I think that you are working against your own desires by deciding to just do what want and well whatever type attitude.

Well she will throw a fit if i sit her down calmly and try to ask her bout sex as someone else mentioned. It's how she is. she takes it as an attack even if its super calm and respectful. Why i dunno. That's why im saying maybe ill just try it and see what happens. Either she'll love that i was a man and took charge and think its hot seeing me cum, or shell just hate semen enough that she'll make it clear to me never to do it again. Its the only way to find out. She has no prob swallowing the once every few months she blows me, i dont see whats wrong with a lil cum. I feel like i should just do it cuz she said shes had it done before so i feel like she likes to make the man shes with happy and will let me do it cuz she loves me.
Just to be clear on one thing tho, i go down on her 90% of the time before sex. She loves it and gets so hot from it and tells me to put it in her. I try so hard to make her cum. I have some prem ejaculation issues so its not always easy, but i try so hard not to cum first. I hold it in sometimes so much my penis burns after. So as for me not trying to please her its not true. I try to kiss her neck and do this little ear thing she loves. I try to tocuh her all over gently and suck on her which she seemed to love last time i did it, i never saw her scream so much she had a crazy orgasm. She orgasms 9 out of 10 times. maybe 1 out of 3 is really good. The others r a struggle cuz of my pe issues. My personal hunch is that if i was a stud in bed shed let me do almost anything but since sex sux for her alot of the time she is just gojn thru the motions to make me happy. What i dont get tho is isnt an orgasm great even when sex is kidna bad? I know women want good sex but if i make her cum and she screams every time woudlnt that be a pleasurable thing for her? Wouldnt she wanna do it more often? She only seems to wanna do it once a week and never more, i dont push her that hard im reall ycool about it but every once in a while i have to say something cuz it makes me feel bad aside form the fact that im realy horny cuz im a young guy. I know for a fact shes not faking the orgams too. I see her cum and i coudln just tell by her breathing and glossed over look.

[dude123]

Dork hit the nail on the head with all these statements!

No she didn't cuz i try really hard to please her in bed. I go down on her 90% of the time before sex. She doesnt liek me fingering her but i offered many times. I try to do foreplay before i cuddle with her then makeout, lick her ear and blow on it which she goes crazy for, i do lots of stuff cuz i know she likes it. She cums 9 out of 10 times. I dont last long and i have to start and stop alot, so maybe that makes it suck for her, i guess it does, but the effort is there. I feel like i cum too fast cuz im pressured to b great that one time she actually lets me do it a week. I never had this problem before with any girl or even her until she started reducing sex to once a week and never more. It got to my head now and i have to cum so fast. So i stop and start and stop and start and i have to ask ehr to go on top so i wont cum as fast. She usually rides me and she cums and screams so i dont get it, isnt it still soemwhat good for her cuz she orgasms? Theres no better sensation on earth than an orgasm. If hse lvoes me and is attracted to me whihc she says she is, then wouldnt getting an orgasm from someone u love and are attratcted to be sdoemthing u wanna do more often? She reduced the frequency oif sex not me. It used to be so often and she was so into it. Now she never ever initiates ever! I feel like im begging all the time. By the time i finalyl get her to do it that one day a week im so rady to blow and so nervous about blowing that i cant help myself. But still i dont get it she cums just aboitu every time so wats the problem, does she need to cum and for it to be great? I do all the stuff she says she liekes and seems to like, the onyl bad part is me not lasting and being able to be aggresive as i want to, i always have to pause and start again.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm sorry, dude... it sounds like you are trying to please her sexually. Your initial post was making it seem like you had an "i don't care what she wants, I'll do what makes me happy" attitude that I thought extended to other areas.

What is your relationship like outside of the bedroom? Is she affectionate? Are you? Do you feel respected and cared for? Does she?

Your prem. ej. issue would only be an issue if you didn't take the time to please her in other ways, and it sounds like you do that so I don't think it factors into her not liking sex as much as you think.

A stud in bed is not defined by how long they can poke away but the entire love making process, its a man who doesn't think sex begins with his erection and ends with his orgasm. If you ejaculate a little early theres no harm in holding her and touching her if she wants more stimulation to ... get there.

Its got to be rough on you if she clams up on you talking about sex. I wonder how it is she was able to freely discuss another guy performing the act you want... if sex talk gets shut down. She may have had a bad experience with that, you can't be expected to know if she wont say.

But sex is likely not going to get better by you forcing situations she's not comfortable with at her. One time I mentioned to my bf something I'd like to try and it wasn't something he was ready for. If I knew he had already done it with another girl, I would feel like you feel... but I really if I were you, I wouldn't just demand of her to do it or spring it on her. I'd try to be understanding and find out why it was okay then and not now, whats different ... and what is her fear... what you can do to make her feel good about it.

[dude123]

If you calmly and caringly sit down with her to explain your problem and all she does is get up and scream, then she definitely has a serious problem, although it is very odd that she was more sexual before you moved in with her. On the other hand, if you just tell her "I'm a man, I need more sex, you don't like anything anymore, something must be wrong with you, I regret moving in", then I can understand her reaction, even if the way she approaches sex is 'wrong', as hearing that can make her feel like an object you want to use multiple times a week.

It's very important to make her see it in the sense of, you think about her a lot and you want more of her. Don't let her think that you are just after pure sex, because she won't feel special then, she'll approach sex as "something that has to be done just because we live together" and this can make her not want it as much anymore.

You complain about oral, but do you give her oral more than 3 times a month? Do you do what she likes or are you mainly frustrated because she doesn't do what YOU want? (I'm not saying you don't do anything for her, I'm just trying to figure out both sides of the coin). Trust me, I understand your frustration and going to the doctor shows that you do worry and want to fix this, many men hesitate to do that (I know mine does) and I agree with the doctor, it's clearly a mental issue.

If she hasn't been sexually abused in the past and her attitude just changed (and she is not cheating on you) then it must have to do with sex becoming something habitual or her not feeling you want her in the same way as you did before. It's definitely mental for her too and you have to find out what is wrong with calm discussion where it's going to be all just about HER. Not because your feelings count any less, but because she obviously has a serious issue going on and the only way for her to tell you what it is is by not judging her and listening to her as much as possible, without saying a word about your feelings (at least during one discussion). It's important to her to know that you love her anyway, whether the sex would be more or less. Once you find out what the problem is you can decide what you want to do, either stay and solve the problem together or leave because of bad sex.

Well i've asked her about it 3 times and each time turned into a screamin fit and then i tell her i love her no matter what and yada yada yada and she feels better and then shell actually initiate a time or two and ill intiitate once and well do it like 3 times a week. The next week it goes back to normal and its once a week fdrom there on out and i am the only one who ever initates and i mean ever. Yet when she has these fits and she starts to calm down a lil she says its not all her fault, she says she wants sex too and i dont initiate that much. She also claims she inititates alot. Its insane cuz i would literally have sex every night if i could i would know if she was initiating. And i know damm well i try. she always telles me shes tired no matter hwat time it is.

I think i know the answer and im idont wanna admit it to myself. I think even tho she always orgams, i think the sex is very mediocre for her and unless sex is fanatastic and the guy is a stud she has no use for it. She can just masturbate if she wants an orgasm, so me making ehr cum is really not a big deal for her. I really think thats it cuz when we met i had so much more stamina and i used to drive her crazy in bed she loved it. Shed wanna do it 4. times in a weekend. Now she never inititates and makes me feel like im begging and she lays there sometimes like shes dead. In the beginning she used to touch me all over and stuff, she doesnt touch me at all now its like a corpse sometimes. I dotn get it it makes me sad tho.

[Hopeless Dork]

It sounds like there may be more of a problem going on in your relationship than just her letting you ejaculate on her body. If she's not active in your sex, if she's laying there like a corpse - there may be other problems worth addressing that don't have anything to do with sex. I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad

[dude123]

I'm sorry, dude... it sounds like you are trying to please her sexually. Your initial post was making it seem like you had an "i don't care what she wants, I'll do what makes me happy" attitude that I thought extended to other areas.

What is your relationship like outside of the bedroom? Is she affectionate? Are you? Do you feel respected and cared for? Does she?

Your prem. ej. issue would only be an issue if you didn't take the time to please her in other ways, and it sounds like you do that so I don't think it factors into her not liking sex as much as you think.

A stud in bed is not defined by how long they can poke away but the entire love making process, its a man who doesn't think sex begins with his erection and ends with his orgasm. If you ejaculate a little early theres no harm in holding her and touching her if she wants more stimulation to ... get there.

Its got to be rough on you if she clams up on you talking about sex. I wonder how it is she was able to freely discuss another guy performing the act you want... if sex talk gets shut down. She may have had a bad experience with that, you can't be expected to know if she wont say.

But sex is likely not going to get better by you forcing situations she's not comfortable with at her. One time I mentioned to my bf something I'd like to try and it wasn't something he was ready for. If I knew he had already done it with another girl, I would feel like you feel... but I really if I were you, I wouldn't just demand of her to do it or spring it on her. I'd try to be understanding and find out why it was okay then and not now, whats different ... and what is her fear... what you can do to make her feel good about it.

See thats another thing that bothers me. Ok so say its one of those nights that im a minute man and she doesnt cum. I offer to go dopwn on her which she likes before sex, and she just says watever its ok. I offer to finger her and she says no to that too. So it doesnt even give me an out. I woudl love to do that to make up for blowin it and she doesnt let me. She doesnt wanan do anything. New positions? Nope 69? nope we used to 69 and try new positions. It's like shes a differnet person i dont get it she was so into sex and so easaygoing about it. Now shes like some prude that has to do missionary and her on top, She doesnt even touch me aside from when shes riding me and has to grab on a little bit sometimes. She used to squeeze my but, put her hand on my chest, back etc. she jsut lays there as i thrust. I try to touch her all over it makes me feel like . I wanna have a sex life i feel like i paid a hooker who is really bored and cant wait till its over.

[dude123]

It sounds like there may be more of a problem going on in your relationship than just her letting you ejaculate on her body. If she's not active in your sex, if she's laying there like a corpse - there may be other problems worth addressing that don't have anything to do with sex. I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad

Well were engaged and she says acts like shes so in love with me and i beleive her. We have a good relationship, at least i think we do, i dont get whats going on with the sex. i feel like i was duped. She was awesome when it came to sex for the first yr or two. Now its like light switch went off and its been over a year now. I cant ask her bout it she jst says delusional things like claimign she intitiates when we both know she doesn't. I have no idea what to do. i bought some health food store stuff that heopfully makes me last longer. Maybe if i can be a stud in the sack shell come back around.