[Hopeless Dork]

Could be a porn addiction, yes. Also could be a fear of intimacy. Feelings of sexual inadequacy (masturbating to pictures of hot girls that can't see you or judge your performance). Could be laziness. Could be selfishness. Could be a matter of boredom, fear of commitment, or just being an all around perv Could be many things, I don't think it can be classified as an addiction easily.. too many other factors could also be at play.

[Sockswsandals]

I'm sorry. I jumped the gun a bit. I've had bad experiences with this so of course it's the first thing to come to mind.
Yes. He could be afraid of sexual inadequacy or he could be selfish or the like. But the fact that he trys to hide it goes up as a red flag to me. It sounds like a porn addiction to me, but that's just my opinion.
Confront him about it and ask him why he looks at it. Then ask him politely not look at it for a while. If he looks at it within 3 days of the conversation, you might want to have a talk with him.

[stressed]

HD yes he was single for a long time before we got together, atleast 3 or 4 years but that doesnt mean to say he didnt have friends with benefits..in fact he had loads lol. But your post and stressed's post has helped me find some comfort in that atleast i am not the only person who has gone through this.

Like HD said, it does matter how long he's been single. Mine had been for 5 years and had been living alone for 7, he had 'forgotten' that pleasure is something sharable, that it's nothing to be embarrassed of and that it's actually a lot more rewarding to share. He told me that he slowly realizes it now and he's very happy that I tolerated so much and helped him understand what he was doing. He said that he was so used to living alone that he had forgotten what a relationship actually is and he 'remembers' a little bit by bit every day. He was even scared of sex in the beginning and we wouldn't have it for months because of this.

When they are single for too long they can also worry about their performance, porn is something easy and nobody 'grades' them for doing what they do. It's "safer". You can encourage him more, tell him how good he is at what he does, how much more of him you want, that sex is not just for the sex but for the intimacy and love that come with it. Try to make him feel more 'secure' and 'wanted' to make him open up about his fantasies and feel comfortable about it.

[Guest]

path of least resistance for him

he may be a porn addict, but truthfully i think that is a made up term that has been used to blanket other problems. its obviously a problem for you and he might not know how much of a problem it is for him.. yet. here is the thing.. as a man with constant internet access i can tell you that i like porn.. its forbidden, different .. exciting.. taboo... but to me nothing compares to the feel of a real woman. the feeling of being connected with another person. porn excites me sure, but it doesnt fulfill my life the way a good romp does. and it sounds like it may be similar for him since you both say the sex is amazing. the thing is porn and masturbation is easy. requires little effort. not as messy, and allows him to envoke fantasies at will without the fear of being judged or rejected and then there is performance anxiety also. i only know this because i have had a couple relationships that i felt like sex was just too much work. the pay off was too small, and i felt unsatisfied. you couple that with the fact that he is wacking it daily and its no wonder he doesnt have anything left in the tank for you. i am with a girl now, and she is my absolute fantasy. i still look at porn because i work away from home but when i am home i cannot get enough of her. here is my advice for you...
become his fantasy. indulge your own taboo desires.. you know you have some in the back of your mind. take control, or relinquish it completely. watch porn with him.. request to watch porn with him.. and i mean watch it the way men like to watch it.. not cuddled up together on the couch to pay per view with a bad plot, hoping to build up mutually strong desires... go down on him while he watches, make him go down on you while you watch.. things like that. instead of saying... "oh, your have a porn addiction problem!".. get involved and have a great time with it together. eventually he will associate those exciting feelings he gets from watching porn with you and the way you make him feel.
unless he is truely a "porn addict" or is simply just not attrcted to you he will come around.
if you aren't comfortable doing those things or are too conservative in the bedroom to do them... chances are he is watching porn for just those reasons.

[WildChild]

watch porn with him.. request to watch porn with him.. and i mean watch it the way men like to watch it.. not cuddled up together on the couch to pay per view with a bad plot, hoping to build up mutually strong desires... go down on him while he watches, make him go down on you while you watch.. things like that. instead of saying... "oh, your have a porn addiction problem!".. get involved and have a great time with it together. eventually he will associate those exciting feelings he gets from watching porn with you and the way you make him feel.
unless he is truely a "porn addict" or is simply just not attrcted to you he will come around.
if you aren't comfortable doing those things or are too conservative in the bedroom to do them... chances are he is watching porn for just those reasons.

Interesting ideas Dr T, but I'm skeptical. Been there. Tried. This behavior makes it ALL about him, chances are while he might like her going down on him while he watches porn, he won't be interested in pleasuring her - she'll just become a prop, to enhance his getting off on the porn. Of course every situation is different, but we hear too much of this here.

[Hopeless Dork]

A friend of mine told me that her EX husband, use to have her give him BJ's while he watched porn of women a different race than her. It hurt her on 2 levels. 1 she didn't feel he was authentically attracted to her, and 2. she felt like she was just a masturbation tool.

She said she did it once to fullfill his fantasy but that he wanted it all the time, always women that looked nothing like her, always him facing the screen and her head in his lap. She said when she looked up he was just staring at the tv, always.

I have given my boyfriend oral after we watched a porn together, after he played with me during the movie one time and I went and played with him. I look up at him occasionally and everytime I did he was look right back down at me. Thats not to say he wasn't watching the porn when I was doing my thing -- but I think that was a gamble I wouldn't want to take again.

I know if I had looked up and watched him engaged to the screen rather than me I would have been heartbroken, and thats an unfair set up for him or me -- so something i plan on not doing again. I plan to watch porn with him occasionally but I don't plan on doing oral while he watches a movie. If he wan'ts to get off to watching other women, it will have to be with his own hand and not with my special way of pleasing him.

[alterview]

crumby!

'Dude!, lay off the porn! It's wrecking your relationship.' Those are the first words that come to mind.

Sex with your partner can not be replaced by porn. Not even in the same ballpark.

I do enjoy porn now and then but it has never taken away from the bedroom. My gf is the same way. We see each other 3-4 times a week so porn fills in the gaps and helps stimulate new things to experience when together.

best of luck!

[stressed]

'Dude!, lay off the porn! It's wrecking your relationship.' Those are the first words that come to mind.

Sex with your partner can not be replaced by porn. Not even in the same ballpark.

I do enjoy porn now and then but it has never taken away from the bedroom. My gf is the same way. We see each other 3-4 times a week so porn fills in the gaps and helps stimulate new things to experience when together.

best of luck!

Just wait till you start living together

[alterview]

actually...

Just wait till you start living together

Funny that you mention that... we have zero plans of living together. We both have kids and they are of different ages. It's a complexity that we feel like avoiding. Perhaps close neighbors. As it stands, when we are together, we both are very eager to have sex. It's amazing what a day or two apart can do for a sexual relationship.

If we saw each other daily, I think we would start to share our mutual enjoyment of erotic viewing.

cheers!

btw- sorry to the OP of get off topic...

[stressed]

Funny that you mention that... we have zero plans of living together. We both have kids and they are of different ages. It's a complexity that we feel like avoiding. Perhaps close neighbors. As it stands, when we are together, we both are very eager to have sex. It's amazing what a day or two apart can do for a sexual relationship.

If we saw each other daily, I think we would start to share our mutual enjoyment of erotic viewing.

cheers!

btw- sorry to the OP of get off topic...

Aha, that explains the constant passion; distance. As long as it works for both of you it can only be good