[Rainbow Rider]

I mean seriously, how can you supscribe to her demands - do you think this is at all healthy?

[Hopeless Dork]

Thats pretty rediculous. Asking you to stop masturbate = reasonable. Not having sex with you = unreasonable. A 14 day punishment = rediculous. You wandering around the house chomping at the bit to masturbate is a sad state of the relationship. But you kind of both put yourself here.

I agree with the others that you guys are desperate need of counseling. You should want to have sex with your willing partner more than you want to masturbate.

She should have sex with you if she's asking you not to masturbate.

There are a lot of should haves and a lot of not doings... you guys need professional help.

[rcoreyus]

It is a terrible idea to "punish" one's spouse. If you love someone, making them unhappy should never make you happy. Marriage is not a contest, it is a cooperation.

The only reason she had to be unhappy with your masturbating was that it was interfering with your having sex with her. The reasonable solution is that you agree not to masturbate when she is available for sex (say that same day). In fact I think the agreement should be that you will ask her for sex first, and if she turns you down, you masturbate.

Like others - this sounds like it is heading for disaster.

[Pinkyshot]

I agree about stopping and asking first than if she doesn't want to have sex than have fun by your self..I am a woman and if my bf doesn't want to have sex I go have fun by my self but I always ask first..lol because I rather have fun with him than my self....

[jns]

It sounds like she knows who wears the pants in the house and it isn't you. This may be because she is now earning more than you. Sometimes people's personalities don't reveal themselves until the right circumstances occur. You have a number of ways to go, but I'm not sure which, if any, will reestablish your relationship as it was before.

You could do your best to earn more than she does. You could demand to be the one in charge. You could remain confident in the fact that you make your own decisions and show that by your actions. Did you act as if you were in charge when you were making more than she did? She may shoot you down for any of these cases, and for other ones that others may think of. Then you will have to decide what to do next.

[WildChild]

Relationships shouldn't be about one being "in charge" or "in control", at least not of anyone but themselves. It should be a partnership of mutual support and caring.

[Mitchel1870]

The 14 days may be some kind of test, to see if you can resist.

It is not fair and seems controling. If she really wanted you to be happy she would accept that both of you have needs. In a commited relationship you meet each others needs.

[jns]

"In charge" should change depending on strengths and the willingness of the other to take a second seat. It can be fun to step back and see your SO take control of a situation. Some people do not like a ship without someone at the rudder.

[happy ending]

i sort of think its mean to punish you, your wife must be very hurt and angry right now. i really hope you can work through this.

[Jack(UK)]

My thoughts on this are that you are slowly going down the slope of 'change' (or rather being changed).

This for me, isn't good.

You should not have to change for anyone - and I've been there. I was married for 15years, and I too got 'caught' by my then (new) wife for masturbating in the morning.

It totally caught me by surprise, as up till then I had always masturbated, every morning and thought nothing of it.

Your wife is trying to change you, my friend, and I'm sorry to say I don't feel you both have a future here.

You should never change for anybody. You are you. If she can't accept you for who you are and what you do, then trust me, cut loose and get out. And before anyone says so, I'm a man, who knows why a man might masturbate (I can't guess about women).

Otherwise, I'll expect to see you back in here in x years telling us your now divorced.