[sourpuss]

He's not cheating. He lives with me, lost his job, is home all day rebuilding our camper and in the evenings we workout together or play hockey. He's never not with me. So he's not 'getting it elsewhere'. He got a girl pregnant and she took him for all he had, he didn't get a girl pregnant by not having sex.

[sourpuss]

You're a health nut. What are you doing with a deep fried twinkie? HEHE!!!

Haha! That made me laugh. He's actually really healthy aside from being a smoker believe it or not. He's super active and athletic. I'm sure smoking does curb his appetite but when he does eat, at least it's really healthy foods. Salads, fruit, yogurt, tuna, etc.

He better make a move soon though, or I'm gonna have to bust him in the face. Going nuts over here.

[Hopeless Dork]

a Sex surrgotate? Thats a bit drastic for a guy with a low sex drive don't you think? If you'r significant other lost her drive would YOU consider having her have sex with someone else to see if it helps her drive? Ack.

There are NUMEROUS reasons for a guy to lose his drive that have nothing to do with losing interest in his s.o or problems in the relationship.

It can CREATE problems for a relationship and cause loss of interest to both parties sexually but an organic drop in sex drive should be handled through the relationship first, if no problems there... then through medical avenues second... if no problems there... THEN psychological avenue last in my opinion.

I didn't even think there was a such thing as sexual surrogates outside of B films from the late 90's staring like shannon tweed or something :P

[LanaBear]

He better make a move soon though, or I'm gonna have to bust him in the face. Going nuts over here.

Oi - and I have not one doubt in my mind that you could and would and it would HURT. lol

[LanaBear]

a Sex surrgotate? Thats a bit drastic for a guy with a low sex drive don't you think? If you'r significant other lost her drive would YOU consider having her have sex with someone else to see if it helps her drive? Ack.

I didn't even look to see what a sex surrogate was when I first read that post, but after reading yours, I looked it up. And just have to say, no way. I completely agree with you.

[sourpuss]

AhhhHHhhhhh! ERG!!
Ok, so we got home late from the gym, then worked on the camper for an hour, so it was a long day. He said he wanted to have sex and snuggled up and then said he was so tired he couldn't keep his eyes open...rolled over and fell asleep. WTF?! Why bother getting me all worked up just to do that?! I'm so ticked right now I could scream! If you're that tired then don't even start. He already knows it's become a problem and now he does this. How am I not supposed to feel like it's personal?!

[stressed]

He expects you to be understanding, compassionate, caring, non-demanding, a good woman, a good partner, not ask questions, not hurt his feelings, not mention the problem, love him for who he is and patiently wait for him to improve.

Question is, who is going to take care of your needs if he won't? And how long can you live like that?

[sourpuss]

Those are two good questions. At one point he told me if my needs weren't being met that I could sleep with someone else, but that he just didn't want to know about it. !! I don't know if he meant it or if it was just something he said. Either way, not my thing.

I'm going to give it a few more months and see what happens. But the thing is, if I leave him, I lose my best friend and companion and then I'm single and for sure not getting any. I don't know.

[WildChild]

Those are two good questions. At one point he told me if my needs weren't being met that I could sleep with someone else, but that he just didn't want to know about it. !! I don't know if he meant it or if it was just something he said. Either way, not my thing.

My first husband pulled that one. When I protested his having yet another affair, he told me I could sleep with his cousin. Not my thing. Why be with him, doing his laundry, cooking his meals and paying his bills, if I wanted to have sex with someone else? Why on earth would I let him decide who? Of course when I left him and started seeing someone else, he wasn't happy about that at all.

I'd leave that offer alone. Don't base your decision on a fear of being alone. Get out, start re-connecting with friends, making some new friends and take the best friend/companion, out of the equation. When you make life choices from a place of fear rather than for joy and moving toward what you want and need, you are very likely to regret it later on.

[Maximus]

That can happen...

Aftetr reading your posts, I can totally relate and understand your story.
I have the similar story. I created my first thread on the drive...

But in the end of the day it really is about me losing interest in having sex with my girlfriend. No anger at all, there was disappointment in the begining.
Frustration but she can't really satisfy me.
In truth, it's not a big deal.

Why ?

Because we are happy together and we love each other.

Our lives do not evolve around how many times we have sex or not.

The past experiences I had were surely different and actually better but the Love was not there.

She knows about my life before.
Hopefully she has not built a complex around it. I hope.
What I always tell her, she is the woman I have chosen to be with.
All the others "lost" and I do not plan to go anywhere unless she changes her mind about us.

To get the point I'm trying to make, sex should be placed where it belongs in the couple, and should not define the couple. The Love you have does, the trust, and commitment does. The celebration of the life you share does.
And to end, I learned that sexual energy is about creation ! Whenever you feel the need for sex, it wants you create something. Up to you to decide what and how you create.
If you choose to create intimacy through carnal pleasures, fine but this is not the only way.

At least this is how I am coming to terms with this wild animal called 'sex'