[MissMeSha810]

I can understand that women like sex and some women have a very high sex drive... But still, if you liked it so much why don't you ever initiate it? I know some women have no problem to initiate sex but I think the vast majority of women rarely initiates sex.

I believe it is because a lot of women do not want to admit their desires for sex. I think if a pole were to be taken (which sounds like a good idea), you will find that a lot of women secretly want it, but they are not willing to admit to to it. Initiating would be admitting.

[WildChild]

I am a woman and I personally think men on average have a higher drive, but I do not it is a resounding majority of the average. There will obviously be plenty of women who do have a high sex drive but again, personally, if things were taken by an on average basis I think women would be the ones with less drive. Often people (regardless of sex) who are in the minority love to think of themselves as the majority to get their point across and gain as much "me too's" to make their frustrations a little easier to deal with.

You know that you can only speak from your own experience. Increasingly research into physical and brain response are showing that women, like yourself, who think they aren't orgasmic are fully capable of it. It's largely a mental block. Small wonder, we are bombarded with negative messages about women's sexuality and being "nice" and "good" girls. Getting past than can be an uphill battle. That is a corruption of our nature, it is not innate.

[MissMeSha810]

You know that you can only speak from your own experience. Increasingly research into physical and brain response are showing that women, like yourself, who think they aren't orgasmic are fully capable of it. It's largely a mental block. Small wonder, we are bombarded with negative messages about women's sexuality and being "nice" and "good" girls. Getting past than can be an uphill battle. That is a corruption of our nature, it is not innate.

From a personal experience in my younger days, I completely agree with you Wildchild. For years, I went on believing that it was not lady like to explore my sexual nature with a man or by myself so I went on just NOT KNOWING and not wanting to know and not wanting anyone else to know either. It's something that we all experience at our own time and age to be comfortable with our sexuality. Some women go on not experiencing this at all.

[ItsASecret]

You know that you can only speak from your own experience. Increasingly research into physical and brain response are showing that women, like yourself, who think they aren't orgasmic are fully capable of it. It's largely a mental block. Small wonder, we are bombarded with negative messages about women's sexuality and being "nice" and "good" girls. Getting past than can be an uphill battle. That is a corruption of our nature, it is not innate.

Of course its subjective and based on exclusive experience, the grand variety is what makes sex a great topic. I am well versed in the research and things of the sort and I am one of the many who do ignore the barrage of "women do this women can't do that"...I personally do not care about the history of things because what happened then happened then, I has no bearing on how I think of sexual self now.

[WildChild]

I believe it is because a lot of women do not want to admit their desires for sex. I think if a pole were to be taken (which sounds like a good idea), you will find that a lot of women secretly want it, but they are not willing to admit to to it. Initiating would be admitting.

Speaking as an "oldester" on here, my take is that it has to do with several factors - all related. Look at all the negative imagery and language surrounding sexually active or proactive women. Then look at the attitude toward men with the same charateristics. The men are admired, the women are Ho's.

Men's responses to sexually proactive women, are mixed, yeah they want it, but they don't generally really have any respect for a woman who wants and likes sex and is open about it. The madonna complex really comes into play. In a relationship men often find a woman who initiates sex, who expresses her needs and wants, as downright frightening. Some will curl up in a little ball in the corner, some get angry, others start engaging in passive aggressive behavior, they apparently start to feel very out of control in the relationship. They will make wild accusations, or tell the woman there is something wrong with her if she wants anything other than what he wants to do, the way he wants to do it. Some simply become impotent. Granted there are some men who are secure enough to accept and love it. I've never met any who could handle it and love and cherish a woman who actually likes and initiate sex, but I have heard stories of some.

Bottom line, for either gender really, you get shut out, shut down, often enough, you learn not to ask, not to initiate.

[MissMeSha810]

Speaking as an "oldester" on here, my take is that it has to do with several factors - all related. Look at all the negative imagery and language surrounding sexually active or proactive women. Then look at the attitude toward men with the same charateristics. The men are admired, the women are Ho's.

Men's responses to sexually proactive women, are mixed, yeah they want it, but they don't generally really have any respect for a woman who wants and likes sex and is open about it. The madonna complex really comes into play. In a relationship men often find a woman who initiates sex, who expresses her needs and wants, as downright frightening. Some will curl up in a little ball in the corner, some get angry, others start engaging in passive aggressive behavior, they apparently start to feel very out of control in the relationship. They will make wild accusations, or tell the woman there is something wrong with her if she wants anything other than what he wants to do, the way he wants to do it. Some simply become impotent. Granted there are some men who are secure enough to accept and love it. I've never met any who could handle it and love and cherish a woman who actually likes and initiate sex, but I have heard stories of some.

Bottom line, for either gender really, you get shut out, shut down, often enough, you learn not to ask, not to initiate.

The only reply I have to that is that it is the truth. It happened to me and it is the truth. Had I not met my husband, I would not have the confidence I have today as far as expressing myself sexually...I may not initiate but with him I know that I do not have to. He makes me feel like i should be able to do so,I just haven't reached that point yet. In a past relationship, I was the one who was shut out, shut down and belittled on my lack of knowledge and I blamed my self. Now I know better, if you are not with a man who lifts you up in every aspect and make you feel sure of yourself, you can fall into a lack of knowing yourself or wanting to for that matter. Good point Wild, good point!

[Hopeless Dork]

Are you seriously telling me that women have a higher sex drive than men? I thought it was pretty much common knowledge that men want sex alot more than women...

Women do not have a higher sex drive than men.

Men do not have a higher sex drive than women.

Some people are more driven than others, male or female. You seem to be in a relationship, or have been in the past... where your drive superceded your partners and so you feel that all women must have a low drive.

That couldn't be further from the truth. There are some women on these boards with a VERY high drive and have been with men that could take or leave sex. So they could very easily form an opinion, like yours, that men just don't like sex as much as women.

Neither would be true.

You can't tell a woman with a high drive that has to beg her husband for sex and he turns her down that all men have a higher drive... you can tell her, of course, but she will know you are incorrect.

I've been reading this forum for over a year and was shocked myself to come to learn just how many men seem to not desire sex as much as all the stereotypes had lead me to believe.

It seems when some men are single or with a woman with a low sex drive -- he's a sex maniac... wants it every chance he can get.

When some are in a relationship with a woman that wants him 24/7... he can lose a sense of urgency about sex, and many actually (as seen on these forums from many women's stories) can become selfish and indifferent to sex in general.

It also seems that many men are with women that have zero interest in sex as well.

So what did we learn? Many women do inniciate sex, many men do reject intimacy with their partners. Many women do not inniciate sex. many women do reject intimacy with their partners.

There. All done

[Guest]

I believe it is because a lot of women do not want to admit their desires for sex. I think if a pole were to be taken (which sounds like a good idea), you will find that a lot of women secretly want it, but they are not willing to admit to to it. Initiating would be admitting.

But why don't women want to admit their desires for sex? Why would any man want to be with a woman who can't even admit that she likes sex and never initiates sex?

[WildChild]

But why don't women want to admit their desires for sex? Why would any man want to be with a woman who can't even admit that she likes sex and never initiates sex?

Have you read all the responses?

[LanaBear]

But why don't women want to admit their desires for sex? Why would any man want to be with a woman who can't even admit that she likes sex and never initiates sex?

It's called society... A woman who enjoys sex, is deemed all sorts of less than pleasant terms, a man, however, is a rockstar. Same thing with men, if he doesn't enjoy sex as much as society deems he should, well, then something is wrong with him.

So, because of society, women tend to hide what they truly want in this arena. It's not appropriate for a woman to want to ride the 'bone rollercoaster' 24/7.