[ocularone]

Just a warning though: after marriage, kids, braces, car payments, mortgage, both working to make ends meet, things will get tougher, and much more work on both your parts will be needed to keep the relationship going strong. Giving birth, birth control pills, midnight feedings, etc. are all reality. .

Sounds adventurous :-)

We have been together for a little over a year now, but we have a very very long past with each other. We have basically been in love with each other for nearly 9 years. She is 27 and i am 25. Thanks you for the encouragement and also the warning. I don't want anyone to think i am completely naive when it comes to real life. We have had our hardships, as any other couple do, but it's our ability and insatiable desire to tackle them as a team that makes me excited about even the prospect of those hard times coming later in life you described. She is my best friend and we are awesome teammates. I know we will run into obstacles but it makes me excited to be able to go through those challenges with her..so i'm excited, even for that :-)

[rhiannon34]

I keep reading the statement that we (women) should accept that porn will be watched by men and that's all there is to it. For those women who aren't upset about their SO watching porn, no problems, but for some women this is very painful. Why are we expected to accept something that hurts us? There is no question that for many women this is a painful thing to deal with. Why is it acceptable that men continue to watch it, even when it is clear that they are causing their SO's real emotional pain?

If I posted a thread saying I was emailing another man, flirting, sending pics, etc and I was having an emotional affair so to speak with this man, but had not met him, and this upset my SO very much, but I keep emailing him. I guarantee you 99% of the women on this forum would say that was wrong and I should stop doing this and hurting my SO. But why? It's not real, it's fantasy. Why would it not just be accepted that I am an emotional being and that I need emotional stimulation, and I don't meet with this man, so what's the big deal? My SO just has insecurities and he needs to just accept it. This whole porn issue seems to be a big double standard in my opinion.

[Fallen1]

rhiannon,

I posted the same thoughts on one of the other threads. It does seem that those that have problems (for whatever reason) with porn are constantly told to just "get over it" blah blah. It seems this will always be an answer given since there really isn't a good valid reason behind porn use in a relationship - but I don't know, I'm just speculating.

Just to add, when I say use in a relationship I'm referring to a relationship that is healthy and the partner is always ready willing and able. I'm not speaking of relationships where one partner is not interested etc.

[rcoreyus]

I agree with fallen1. I don't see any reason for someone in a healthy active relationship to be watching porn alone. (Wathching together with SO is fine).

If someone is in a relationship with a partner who doesn't want sex, and when they can't solve the problem, then porn might be a better alternative to cheating or leaving.

[samanthatallon]

I still think you should talk to your other half about it honestly and tell him your uncomfortable about knowing about it, theres no point in saying the whole no porn rule, as he will do it anyway lol, like i said sexual curiosity is a natural thing for men, it doesnt mean he wants these other women, its just his release valve. As the the erection thingy your right it would be uncomfortable if you knew he had made it looking at other women on porn, me meh not so much, i have time for loving sex and then there are the times, where we are hot anyway one or the other and just go for it, spontaneous i think. So if he came into the tub with a raging one, i think i would be more than happy to help, but everyone is different. I guess what i am trying to say is, i am sure there is some kind of release for you too? (not trying to sound rudexoxo) but explain to himself how you try to be private as its a massive turn off and a romance killer. I hope once again it helps slightly, and best of luck, keep me posted xx

[samanthatallon]

''''I keep reading the statement that we (women) should accept that porn will be watched by men and that's all there is to it. For those women who aren't upset about their SO watching porn, no problems, but for some women this is very painful. Why are we expected to accept something that hurts us? There is no question that for many women this is a painful thing to deal with. Why is it acceptable that men continue to watch it, even when it is clear that they are causing their SO's real emotional pain?

If I posted a thread saying I was emailing another man, flirting, sending pics, etc and I was having an emotional affair so to speak with this man, but had not met him, and this upset my SO very much, but I keep emailing him. I guarantee you 99% of the women on this forum would say that was wrong and I should stop doing this and hurting my SO. But why? It's not real, it's fantasy. Why would it not just be accepted that I am an emotional being and that I need emotional stimulation, and I don't meet with this man, so what's the big deal? My SO just has insecurities and he needs to just accept it. This whole porn issue seems to be a big double standard in my opinion''''

i watch porn, lol i dont mind, and neither does he but we keep it seperate lets say, and just so you know i went through about two years of crying and wondering why he watched porn and i felt left out hurt and upset. I dragged myself right down there to the point lets say, i nearly gave up and in fact tried to end our relationship. when we resolved it, first of all, he was mad i had not spoken to him about it, otherwise he would have made more of an effort, as he said he just slipped into a pattern, we had to sleep in seperate beds due to a small baby and him not doing his bit and snoring like a walrus (hehe hes gonna kill me for that one) after a lot of fighting i realised it wasnt him who had a problem it was me, (not saying this is you in yourcase) i was upset about something that was natural to him, he wasnt obsessed, he wasnt doing it all the time, once every two or three days was his quota, watching it, and so on. I had made these fake women into reality, more or less saw it as cheating, and pushed him away from me. All by my own self consious brain. i realised how quickly i had made this problem into a mountain of doubt and practically depressed myself, i caught him once and one only at the worst time, and thats when we had this whole shenanigan showdown, as sad as it was it was needed, and he put a few things straight. He said he needed stimulation on screen with sound and doing it alone simply didnt cut it, to put it tastefully. I wasnt giving in because i was a moody so and so, and constantly turned him away. He said he still loved me and wanted me and wanted us to have a healthy relastionship.

I worked hard for about four to five months, he was more discreet, and i made more of an effort on my part lol. It took a lot of getting used to and a lot of rows, but now its comfortable, and talking with a lovely counsellor showed me that its not all bad. And as much as i sound like a wally, i have learnt my lesson.

Maybe you should try a few things to perhaps take his mind off what hes watching! A romantic dinner, a break away? a walk in the woods? you could try to stop him having the time, lol, i sound like a perv. Just relating to the expierience you are having, and really wish you well.

[Fallen1]

Samantha, not trying to pick on you but I just want to point out that here again we have another post that does not address or give good reason as to why it is that the one that has a problem (for whatever reason) with porn should be the one to give in. I'm just curious as to why this is never addressed by anyone "pro-porn". As a matter of fact most of the time posts that mention such or ask such are ignored.

It is a tough issue, no one should be told what they can and can't do, however, I do believe in a case like this when it is something that is NOT NEEDED it is a WANT, that the person doing what hurts their S/O should be the one to give in or at least be able to give a good valid reason as to why it is more important than their S/Os feelings.

[rhiannon34]

I still think you should talk to your other half about it honestly and tell him your uncomfortable about knowing about it, theres no point in saying the whole no porn rule, as he will do it anyway lol,

I never actually said I wanted a no porn rule, I actually don't believe in making rules for my grown SO. Mabye my kids, but not my SO. I think it's unfair to assume that ALL MEN watch porn, and that all men would put watching porn above their SO's feelings.

[QUOTE=samanthatallon;195259]like i said sexual curiosity is a natural thing for men, it doesnt mean he wants these other women, its just his release valve. As the the erection thingy your right it would be uncomfortable if you knew he had made it looking at other women on porn, me meh not so much, i have time for loving sex and then there are the times, where we are hot anyway one or the other and just go for it, spontaneous i think. So if he came into the tub with a raging one, i think i would be more than happy to help, but everyone is different. I guess what i am trying to say is, i am sure there is some kind of release for you too? (not trying to sound rudexoxo)[QUOTE]

I don't really need one. I am perfectly satisfied. And if I did need one, I have before, and I will satisfy myself. I in no way have a problem with my SO masterbating or watching porn in general. But if he is masterbating and watching porn and it's causing problems in our relationship or being disrespectful to me, it will stop, one way or another.

but explain to himself how you try to be private as its a massive turn off and a romance killer. I hope once again it helps slightly, and best of luck, keep me posted xx

[rhiannon34]

Samantha, not trying to pick on you but I just want to point out that here again we have another post that does not address or give good reason as to why it is that the one that has a problem (for whatever reason) with porn should be the one to give in. I'm just curious as to why this is never addressed by anyone "pro-porn". As a matter of fact most of the time posts that mention such or ask such are ignored.

It is a tough issue, no one should be told what they can and can't do, however, I do believe in a case like this when it is something that is NOT NEEDED it is a WANT, that the person doing what hurts their S/O should be the one to give in or at least be able to give a good valid reason as to why it is more important than their S/Os feelings.

And I agree, I would love to hear a valid reason why this should be accepted by the female gender.

[samanthatallon]

i am not saying it should be accepted, or given into. I am simply giving my opinion, and relation to the expierience. A lot of women arent ok with it, but i also acknoweledge the fact, that its something personal to everyone individually. Maybe i have too many male hormones around, lol lots of brothers, little boys and most of my friends are male. I was kind of looking at it from the other side as well. Sorry if i offended anyone or slightly annoyed some of you. Its different for everyone, and i thought maybe my insight may have been of help. Best of luck x