[Fallen1]

i am not saying it should be accepted, or given into. I am simply giving my opinion, and relation to the expierience. A lot of women arent ok with it, but i also acknoweledge the fact, that its something personal to everyone individually. Maybe i have too many male hormones around, lol lots of brothers, little boys and most of my friends are male. I was kind of looking at it from the other side as well. Sorry if i offended anyone or slightly annoyed some of you. Its different for everyone, and i thought maybe my insight may have been of help. Best of luck x

No offense taken.

I was just posing a question as I am curious and was wondering if you could give any insight.

[julybaby]

rhiannon,
when i read your first post, I couldn't help but think it's odd that he was looking at porn while you were there - in the other room. it's almost as if he finds it more intriguing to be doing something 'bad' while he's very close to being caught - more so than looking for something he can't get from you.

[PandaPaws]

I'm just so confused on where we got off track and made this general thinking, as a society, that pornography while in a committed relationship is in ANY way "natural" or "healthy". Have we seriously lowered our standards on love and romance that much? I don't know about everyone else but i refuse to conform to the idea that ANYTHING that makes your partner feel bad or insecure is wise. "It's just a guy thing" ..."Oh guys are strange creatures and we will never understand them"..."It's ok for your guy to look at porn as long as it's still you he is in bed with".."Men just need some extra eye candy..some extra stimulation to be aroused".---Just a load of crock to keep feeding the lie we have all created. You wanna know what REAL romance looks like? I would suggest anyone read a book called "Wild at heart" By a guy names John Eldridge. It's a book for men (and women too in a way) to understand a true passion for the woman you love. To be bold and adventurous in love. Man how cool would it be if we guys could lay everything on the line for the woman we love? To make her the apple of our eye, the one we would not just die for..but be adventurous and courageous in the way we love on them. You probably think i am talking of fairy tales but i truly believe it's the way love was intended to be..We just warped it into something so different that when we get a glimpse of what it should be like..we pass it off as unachievable..a fairy tale for a good disney movie....

Oh..and anyone reading this who says guys would never have this same opinion. i AM a guy so..

Wow, that was so beautiful to hear from a guy. I hope that one day a guy feels like that about me!

[wonders why?]

I understand how you feel rhiannon. My husband has been watching porn while I am asleep. I somewhat brought it up once and told him that I wish he would wind down with me rather then doing what he's doing. All he said was sorry. So I went to the other room and just cried myself to sleep. Since then I've not seen any sign of him watching porn. Tonight I went to bed and couldn't sleep, mainly because I was wishing he was in bed with me. I got up and went to the computer room and found that he had just finished. I didn't say anything, I went to go back to bed and just couldn't sleep. Ended up coming to the couch and just cried. Now I am searching online to see what I can find out. Why men love porn so much....what's wrong with me, why does my husband prefer porn over me? I'm really not coming up with any answers. I am a very insecure person to begin with and this sure doesn't help! I'm not the type of person that initates sex, I need him to. I brought this up a little when I first mentioned it...doesn't seem to help. Does he just not care?????

[Joey]

I think we as guys struggle with that so much. When we first meet a woman we are so excited and the chase is on! But once the elusive creature we once sought after so intensely is captured and is ours, we let off the gas and become complacent and comfortable in our relationship. It becomes easy for us to say "well she loves me no matter what, even if i put out minimal effort". I think what we fail to understand is that the adventure has just begun :-) I can honestly say that courting and finally capturing the girl i have now, was a wonderful thrill..but it PALES in comparison to the adeventures and thrills i have making her feel like she is the queen of the universe. Like she is still a wild animal and i am chasing after her with everything i have! bringing my A-game every single day. To make sure when i wake up beside her every day to look at her still sleeping and tell myself "wow..look at what i have..SHE..loves ME??." To still be cheesey and goofy even when my guy friends think i'm retarded. There is so much fun and adventure in not just falling in love, but staying CRAZY about her...

I can see what your saying here - and i can understand to an extent, but my selfish side kicks in by saying 'well if i can keep saying the things i said at the start of the relationship, then why cant he?'

[Joey]

I understand how you feel rhiannon. My husband has been watching porn while I am asleep. I somewhat brought it up once and told him that I wish he would wind down with me rather then doing what he's doing. All he said was sorry. So I went to the other room and just cried myself to sleep. Since then I've not seen any sign of him watching porn. Tonight I went to bed and couldn't sleep, mainly because I was wishing he was in bed with me. I got up and went to the computer room and found that he had just finished. I didn't say anything, I went to go back to bed and just couldn't sleep. Ended up coming to the couch and just cried. Now I am searching online to see what I can find out. Why men love porn so much....what's wrong with me, why does my husband prefer porn over me? I'm really not coming up with any answers. I am a very insecure person to begin with and this sure doesn't help! I'm not the type of person that initates sex, I need him to. I brought this up a little when I first mentioned it...doesn't seem to help. Does he just not care?????

This makes me really sad (2 threads in one day- im going to be an emotional wreck!). I would be soooo cut up if i spoke to my boyfriend about his porn usuage, genuinly hurt and upset, only for him to pffft it off with a sorry, only to find him usuing it again a few days later. That to me would be an instant indication that he doesnt give a tripe about my feelings, which ultimatly results in not giving a cack about me.

[rcoreyus]

When you ask him to "wind down" with you rather than watch porn, are you offering to have sex with him (sorry can't quite tell from your post)? If so, and he is turning down a real woman for pictures, then he has a real problem. If you don't want to have sex, maybe he is just very horny and needs some release?

I understand how you feel rhiannon. My husband has been watching porn while I am asleep. I somewhat brought it up once and told him that I wish he would wind down with me rather then doing what he's doing. All he said was sorry. So I went to the other room and just cried myself to sleep. Since then I've not seen any sign of him watching porn. Tonight I went to bed and couldn't sleep, mainly because I was wishing he was in bed with me. I got up and went to the computer room and found that he had just finished. I didn't say anything, I went to go back to bed and just couldn't sleep. Ended up coming to the couch and just cried. Now I am searching online to see what I can find out. Why men love porn so much....what's wrong with me, why does my husband prefer porn over me? I'm really not coming up with any answers. I am a very insecure person to begin with and this sure doesn't help! I'm not the type of person that initates sex, I need him to. I brought this up a little when I first mentioned it...doesn't seem to help. Does he just not care?????

[samanthatallon]

When you ask him to "wind down" with you rather than watch porn, are you offering to have sex with him (sorry can't quite tell from your post)? If so, and he is turning down a real woman for pictures, then he has a real problem. If you don't want to have sex, maybe he is just very horny and needs some release?

i like this point! well said

[DannyTy]

Most men hold this opinion: sex is just sex. If they're porn watchers, they will usually think about the porn during sex, but only some of them will pretend to be having sex with the people they see in the porn. The fact that he keeps saying that he's looking for more positions is definitely a lie. He's probably addicted to porn, which would make it difficult for him to get turned on when he hasn't looked at porn. Perhaps you should let him know that this is a big deal to you. Tell him that you realize he likes to find different positions through porn, but you just want some old fashioned sex for a while, the stuff that isn't fancy. See if he still looks at porn. If he does, just ask him to look at porn less often. If he can give up the porn for a while and still have sex with you, then it isn't the porn that is getting him to have sex with you. If the sex stops when the porn does, you have a problem. Also, if you don't feel that he is "connecting" with you during sex, if he isn't making eye contact or looking at you, then you probably have a problem there too.

[SaharaJim]

Just a new way of looking at it

Have you ladies considered that the issue MAY be one of "control?" Men when they marry give up the right to have sex with anyone else. Some wives feel that they "give up" the right to ANY other form of sexual release. No masturbation , no porn, no "looking" at other women etc. Men may feel that this requires that the ONLY sexual release is "controlled" soley by their marriage partner. So they eithe rebel or resent. If they can't do so openly they "hide it" and rebel that way.
I am sure this will excite many who will disagree strongly. Noone likes to be told they are controlling. But have you considered this from a "mans' point of view"? Do you never engage in fantasies while making love with your partner? What would you think of a partner who controlled any other aspect of YOUR life as you seek to control a man's sexual life? Is he seeking to "hurt" you or to have control over his own sexuality? Just something you might consider.