[Count Zero]

Carezza

So you're proposing replacing low sex/no sex with interrupted sex with no orgasms, sounds dreadful. The frustration level I'd experience would be destructive to our relationship.

[Texasred]

Frankly I don't agree with you regarding the oxytocin or the 2 year window. I know people who were married happily and lovingly for 10 years before they had a child and some who never had any children and are still happily in love after 30 years together. Infatuation has been shown scientifically to last from 6 months to 2 years. This is a chemical flood in the body which results in a variety of emotional and physical responses. It is only after that subsides that you discover if you have real love and connection and not just infatuation. I don't know that oxytocin has anything to do with it.

I agree with you completely: I was married, fairly happily, for over 6 years, following 4 years of dating, during all of which we had sex regularly, enthusiastically, lovingly - until we had a child. So much for the "two years" theory and the "oxytocin" theory.
That, I would say, was the beginning of a rather sharp drop-off in our sex lives.
We have talked about it, at my insistence only, and I get the distinct impression that on the increasingly rare occasions when we do have sex (3 times so far this year, but hey! December's not over yet!), it is only her way to keep me from straying. Except that she's the only one who gets any satisfaction from it: Sort of "wham bam thank you sir!"

[WildChild]

So you're proposing replacing low sex/no sex with interrupted sex with no orgasms, sounds dreadful. The frustration level I'd experience would be destructive to our relationship.

I don't know why but this hit my funny bone. None of the situations is good or desireable. Actually the technique this draws on is based on the fact male ejaculation and orgasm are not mutually exclusive. Men can learn to orgasm without ejaculating and basically circumvent the refractory period. This would not be much use if you don't have a good sexual relationship and communication.

[oxy-moron]

There is already significant scientific evidence that points to Oxytocin being the primary relationship hormone. It is the basis of Pair bonding, F to F and M to M friendship bonding and Parent to child bonding. Teams of football players will high five each other ( and also go further). This behaviour strengthens the teams bond.
Some people in a relationship will provide it instinctively and this will work for as long period as is required especially if a good behavioural pattern is established .
However a life changing event such as illness or the birth of a child can disrupt working patterns of behaviour.

[Hopeless Dork]

I believe that LOVE gives you 2 Years to have a child- If there is a child the Oxytocin levels rise for bonding purposes.
No child and the Oxytocin is not there to keep the bond up and things drift apart. This is as nature wants it to be- No point in carrying on if there is no benefit to the species.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years... and don't plan on breeding... and you would not be able to tell the difference between us, and a couple thats been together a couples of months..as far as our affection goes. I think our species has evolved beyond every action we take being about benefiting our species... in fact its in most peoples nature these days to do things that are to the detriment of our species.

I don't think there is a time limit on 'love'... I think people can get 'lazy' and get 'too comfortable'... and quit doing the little things that give their significant other all those little boosts in oxytocin. But not everyone gets that lazy... not everyone finds it that hard to suprise their s.o frequently, not everyone forgets that they need to say how they feel, show how they feel and not just go 'ahh, you should know i think your hot by now, i'm never saying it again'.

I've seen girls that get all bent on proving how much their partner really loves them for them... and quit dressing up for them, quit doing their hair... start peeing with the door open -- just start removing any veil of mystery that kept things exciting and then wonder where his passion has gone.

I've seen guys that get too lazy to notice that new dress, too comfortable to think its necessary to tell their s.o compliments, that eliminate opportunites for snuggles, that get uptight about pda... etc... and wonder why their woman is no longer swept off her feet.

But I've seen in my own relationship... 2 people that are into each other, both consistantly making an effort to make the other feel adored and special, to surprise each other, tease, excite and please each other in tried and true ways and brand new ways... all the time. I'll buy that costume, I'll put on that sexy underwear... I'll take the extra 10 minutes to pretty myself up before he gets home from work. He in turn send me that message in the middle of the day to let me know he's thinking about me, he in turn will come home and eye my body liking he's seeing it for the first time. And I still get butterflies when he touches me... and I still turn beat red when he says how sexy I am and he still feels lucky when rub him through his pants under the table at restaurants 2 year deadline on love without breedin? I don't believe that for a minute.

Thats not to say I would rule out the possiblity of having a baby if we BOTH wanted to at some point down the road... but its not something either of us is giddy about ... at all.

[Guest]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

[WildChild]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

ROTFLMAO
Well I can understand why the women you meet have no sex drive.

[jns]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

Women can have very high sex drives and not all guys have high ones. Nature has many variations. Women will get turned off by that attitude and will not be interested in sex or a relationship. You probably wouldn't want to have a relationship with a woman who thought all men were lazy, shiftless bums. It's easy to drive for a sexless relationship if both partners are not committed toward pleasing the other sexually. Beyond that is basic sexual compatibility and the fact that people change over time, but are not willing to admit it or do anything about it.

[Hopeless Dork]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

If you go through life feeling that way, remember that like attracts like. If you think down of women... you are likely to attract women that think of down of themselves... if you think women are sexless dead fish... the only woman that would be able to tolerate being with a man like that would be a sexless dead fish... do you see what I am saying? Your negative attitude... is likely whats causing you to encounter the same situations that make your false belief feel real to you.

Many women LOVE sex, many love it just as much or more than the man in their life. But if you assume a woman doesn't like sex, thereby having no need to make an effort to please her... she's not going to be sexual, at least not with you. But if you assume a woman enjoys pleasure, and treat her body to it regularly... you'll find that she likes it a lot and gives back.

[oxy-moron]

Me and my boyfriend have been together 3 years... and don't plan on breeding... and you would not be able to tell the difference between us, and a couple thats been together a couples of months..as far as our affection goes. I think our species has evolved beyond every action we take being about benefiting our species... in fact its in most peoples nature these days to do things that are to the detriment of our species.

I don't think there is a time limit on 'love'... I think people can get 'lazy' and get 'too comfortable'... and quit doing the little things that give their significant other all those little boosts in oxytocin. But not everyone gets that lazy... not everyone finds it that hard to suprise their s.o frequently, not everyone forgets that they need to say how they feel, show how they feel and not just go 'ahh, you should know i think your hot by now, i'm never saying it again'.

I've seen girls that get all bent on proving how much their partner really loves them for them... and quit dressing up for them, quit doing their hair... start peeing with the door open -- just start removing any veil of mystery that kept things exciting and then wonder where his passion has gone.

I've seen guys that get too lazy to notice that new dress, too comfortable to think its necessary to tell their s.o compliments, that eliminate opportunites for snuggles, that get uptight about pda... etc... and wonder why their woman is no longer swept off her feet.

But I've seen in my own relationship... 2 people that are into each other, both consistantly making an effort to make the other feel adored and special, to surprise each other, tease, excite and please each other in tried and true ways and brand new ways... all the time. I'll buy that costume, I'll put on that sexy underwear... I'll take the extra 10 minutes to pretty myself up before he gets home from work. He in turn send me that message in the middle of the day to let me know he's thinking about me, he in turn will come home and eye my body liking he's seeing it for the first time. And I still get butterflies when he touches me... and I still turn beat red when he says how sexy I am and he still feels lucky when rub him through his pants under the table at restaurants 2 year deadline on love without breedin? I don't believe that for a minute.

Thats not to say I would rule out the possiblity of having a baby if we BOTH wanted to at some point down the road... but its not something either of us is giddy about ... at all.

From the Divorcerate website-
Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless.
Not saying that you are one of the 66 percent but children help to form a long term bond. If you dont have them then you will have to be diligent in maintaining the bonds.