[ItsASecret]

From the Divorcerate website-
Sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause of divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 per cent of all divorced couples are childless.
Not saying that you are one of the 66 percent but children help to form a long term bond. If you dont have them then you will have to be diligent in maintaining the bonds.

Not having a child because one partner may want one and the other does not can absolutely be a reason for divorce in some couples but not having one leads to needing to be "diligent in maintaining the bonds" not so. If two people really do not want a child and they agree upon that and love and cherish each other despite not having another member of the family it does not mean they are setting themselves up for troubles. You can still feel fully loved and close to your SO without a child.

[Hopeless Dork]

That only goes to say that some people 'stay together for the kids' that doesn't mean that they are in happy marriages, that they aren't cheating or living sexless lives... it just means that they haven't ripped up that certificate.

In many situations couples having kids is actually a detriment to their relationship... you read it on here all the time about the wife or husband changing after children... becoming less focused on their time as a couple and more on their kids... Not seeing each other as sexual beings anymore, not having time to be selfish and into each other like they were able to before they had them.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

Bit space age, reminds me therefore of aliens or something, what was that TV show? The one with Fox Mulder? X something? I mean, that's way out there...Given we were born to have children, it's such a shame that we have to go without so often, because we're raring to go....

[WildChild]

Tons of guys have the same "problem" like you do. The majority of all marriages and relationships are sexless, I don't think it's the womans fault though. They can't help it that they have a non-existant sex drive, that's how nature created them.

How would you explain the fact that I've rarely met a man who could keep up with me sexually? I'm over 50 and still want it at least once a day, most men don't seem to be able to handle even that past 35 or 40... When I was in my 20s there were some that could keep up, if I have no sex drive how is it that is the case???

Are you multi orgasmic? I am.
Can you peak and down and peak and down on an orgasmic wave for 10-15 mins or longer? I have.
Can you get an errection and have sex even if you aren't in the mood? Women have been expected to for generations.
COuld you maintain interest in a sexual relationship with an inept lover, who never gave you any foreplay and treated you badly? Women have been expected to for generations.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Can you get an errection and have sex even if you aren't in the mood? Women have been expected to for generations

Amen to that one...

[Count Zero]

Amen to that one...

Hmmm, I can understand your point, however, one could argue that this is no different from anything else. I work 70-80 hours a week and I really don't feel like cooking all breakfasts, most lunches, most dinners, doing the cleaning and then washing up. I also give my wife massages any time she wants one, and bring her cups of tea and and snacks she wants. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it, relationships are compromise.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Countzero, what does your wife do?

Seems your working enormous hours, and then attending to the house, attending to your wife's needs, and then offering as much attention as you possibly can muster with little gestures.

I definately believe that relationships are about compromising, but also equality and communication.

If your doing all of that, what is left for her to do? And if you want a massage do you get one, does she make you a coffee, bring it into you..

Just curious.

Oh and the posts turned because Hurley was an alias of someone else here we banned..... hense our responses.

CW

[Count Zero]

Countzero, what does your wife do?

Actually she's recently gone back to work as a teacher, we decided that we wanted one parent always at home while the kids were small, she's returned to work as a teacher a and it has been one of the changes that has helped, I think being at home full time can make you different.

Seems your working enormous hours, and then attending to the house, attending to your wife's needs, and then offering as much attention as you possibly can muster with little gestures.

I definately believe that relationships are about compromising, but also equality and communication.

If your doing all of that, what is left for her to do?
Washing, ironing (I do my own), organising kids stuff....
And if you want a massage do you get one, does she make you a coffee, bring it into you..

Rarely, but I'm OK with that.

CZ

Just curious.

Oh and the posts turned because Hurley was an alias of someone else here we banned..... hense our responses.

CW

A more equal workload is where we're going this year, counselling is working, my wife is nicer and the sex is improving, it's all slowly looking up.

CZ

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's great to hear

Best wishes, sometimes we have to go backwards to go forwards...

You sound as if you'd move mountains so I think you will make it happen....

Thanks for answering

[Count Zero]

Men and women

That's great to hear

Best wishes, sometimes we have to go backwards to go forwards...

You sound as if you'd move mountains so I think you will make it happen....

Thanks for answering

No problem, it's interesting stuff, I problemsolve for a living, so when thing started to go sour, I got out some of my psychology texts from uni and started making notes. We really do seem the be wired differently. Men (wild generalisation) want love, kindness, respect and physical intimacy (especially sex, we really do see this as the main event, we can work around this to an extent for increased harmony, but it remains). A comedian once said "Men are happy with a full gut and happy knackers", he's not far wrong!

I'll break it down:

Love, obvious and it links into the next one, kindness. It drives us nuts how polite and nice out women can be to strangers and then routinely nasty and rude to their partner. (oh, and what's with shaving legs/bikini line and donning lots of makeup to go out with the girls?)

Respect. We need to feel respected/maybe as good provider (caveman genes being expressed?). Men also HATE to be ridiculed and laughed at, I've seen it many times out drinking at uni, if you want a man to snap, make fun of him, then duck!

Physical intimacy. Need it, go quiet/surly/grumpy/aggressive without it. If you'd like more non-sexual intimacy, a man is more cuddly if he's feeling loved in all senses of the word.

We do have some funny differences: Take all the things that can drive you nuts, such as him always touching bottom and breasts and nowhere else. This is because we love those bits best and we'd be overjoyed if you came past and grabbed us! It took me some time to learn how women like to be caressed and aroused before moving into erogenous zones, I couldn't work out why my girlfriends didn't want to be touched there first, and why they were stroking my chest and abdomen! Yes, we'd be happy if you'd just reach on down and hold on, feel free to touch anything else as long as you don't let go!

Oh, I don't know if it was here, but someone said that doggy style was degrading and men only like it as they feel powerful. I have to say that personally, I love doggy style for how it feels physically and how you can hold onto your girl! It's not hard to reach the clitoris either, very popular variation!

Too tired to type more, long day.

'Night