[WildChild]

Sex should be enjoyed by both. Even with pleasuring each other, you should enjoy making him feel good. But if it is something you simply dont feel any excitement for, then there is no purpose in doing it.

This may be just the point. Aside from knowing he is enjoying it, what does she get out of it? What is he doing to make her feel good? He gets his fantasy, he gets off and she gets...?

Often times with things like this if you do it a couple times he'll lose interest in it. It's probably just an itchm that once it's scratched will go away.

[Hopeless Dork]

You should never do something you don't want to do and your partner should always respect when you say no. That being said.... Its interesting what the individual will consider disrespectful, its so individual and different for every woman. Porn depicts regular sex, anal sex, and various positions you probably use with your significant other... but that doesn't make you think you're doing something porno. You have somehow associated breast play sex with porno and to each their own.

Usually most people use that as a part of foreplay, just visual arousal with a few nice sensations for the guy (and the female if she has sensitive breasts and enjoys the look and feel of her s.o's manhood pressed against her body. Not generally something people do from start to finish.

I just get such a sour taste over the whole concept of 'what does this do for me? , nothing, thats what! so forget it buster!!' Because in a loving intimate relationship giving your partner pleasure *should* do something for the other partner. Even if its something they don't quite "get". I could see if it was something painful being asked, or something emotionally damaging... but outside of that I (personally, and this is just me here) could not imagine being so against doing something that would make my boyfriend excited and happy.

But this of course is due to the fact that he also does things to make me excited and happy. If everything was always about him... I'd probably be sick and tired of him prodding to try something new that *he* wants without any consideration for what I do. But if you have a situation where they are doing for you in all the same ways they ask, then its pretty fair i think to occasionally do things that don't bring you the same direct pleasure it brings them.

Like giving a back rub, it does nothing for you if you look at it a certain way. Why should I rub your shoulders and only you get to feel pleasure? Forget it!! But if you see it another way, touching you giving you back rubs, feeling your body, being close and intimate and giving you relaxation and pleasure... is a mutual benefit. Then maybe that night the person might be too tired to return the back rub... but then maybe next time they could be the one doing it, giving you pleasure. Etc.

But refusing to engage in something because of no immediate recriprocation I think lends itself to selfishness, distance rather than closeness, intimacy.

[Rediscovered]

I agree wholeheartedly with Hopeless Dork. And when you give to your partner selflessly (meaning, not always with the intention of "what's in this for me?"), you may find you receive intimacy and pleasure back *tenfold* from him.

But if you have a mental block against it, you might harbor ill-will against him if you do it. So unless you can do it with an open mind and in the spirit of *giving* to your mate, you probably shouldn't do it~~these type of intimate acts are only fun when both partners are open to the experience.

[rcoreyus]

In general I think it is a good to cater to your SO's sexual whims, unless they are really degrading or otherwise unpleasant. If your partner wants to try something and you say no, they may feel they are missing something important. If you do it, in a lot of cases, one time is enough to satisfy their curiosity.

This assumes that both of you are doing this - it should be completely fair.

Breast sex in particular doesn't sound interesting to me, but if for some reason he wants to try, it seems a pretty tame request. What is does for you is let you watch him get all excited as he tries out one of his fantasies.

Are there things you ask him to try, and does go along with your fantasies?

[Allie602]

This really ****es me off. I cannot believe what you said SL- read over her post and tell me if she has not been open-minded. In three short years with the man, she has been very open and it's only three years!! It is ridiculous to suggest that she needs to be more open. How much more open does she need to be? When he gets bored with all of the things she has been willing to try, in a year or two will 3somes be next on the agenda or how about some orgies? Maybe in 10 years he will be so satiated and bored that he will want bestiality or maybe wiping. I tell you what he got it too good.

Be careful and Pace your self girl if he is not happy with what you are doing now he will constantly up the ante. This man of yours has it good girl don't you think otherwise. So good and exciting in fact that he may think he can get you to do anything he wants with no boundaries.

THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASON WOMEN ARE RELUCTANT TO BE TOO ADVENTUROUS, THE MAN GET SAITED AND WANT MORE AND MORE AND HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE WHAT HE HAS. HE DOES NOT REPECT HER WISHES. This may be one reason that woman stop having sex in long-term relationships, if her man is looking at what she does not do instead of what she does do then any human would put the brakes on or just bow out gracefully.

You are doing nothing that warrants any censure, any man would be more than happy and quite satisfied with your level of enthusiasm even without the breast what ever. You are not a live porn actress but a human woman with feelings and likes and dislikes. I don't know if you love this man or if he says he loves you but my advice is to put the brakes on, he does not appreciate what he has, but he will if you withdraw a bit and slow down. Be careful make it very clear to him that what you are having mutually satisfying sex out of the love you feel for each other. He may need to be reminded that you are not (edit).

This may seem harsh but there is little appreciation of what woman do there is always some little obsession that can't be let go of and the pressure becomes relentless. It is not fair and not right -

if men want women to understand how important sex is to them then they need to understand how much our emotions are connected with sex. We do not want to be used. If men have a hard time understand our attitude then they can hardly lament the fact that we don't understand their attitude. There you see we are the same.

sorry for the hijack can't help myself this makes me angry and not a little afraid if I am adventurous can I be sure that I will not be plagued and begged and badgered, forced for every little thing a man wants. Is that it is that what it takes must I divest myself of all of my person so as to be as sexually useful as possible. Don't I have any say in the thing. Is just about sex, is that all it is to having a longterm partner. I just don't understand im trying but I still don't get it. thank you

[Hopeless Dork]

When he gets bored with all of the things she has been willing to try, in a year or two will 3somes be next on the agenda or how about some orgies? Maybe in 10 years he will be so satiated and bored that he will want bestiality or maybe wiping.

Whoa... I think him wanting to feel himself against her chest is a long long long long long and far cry away from beastiality?

But anyways, I just mean where to draw the line, sexually or in regaurds to any basic affection when you decide you don't want to do something that makes your partner happy, just because you're not as into as them? Obviously you need to have a line... in what you are willing to do to make the other partner happy and they need to respect that line.

Everyone will have their own spot. For me, I'd draw the line on anything that involves other people and anything that would physically or emotionally hurt me.

The OP had no problems with anal and some women would have drawn the line to not include that, so I am not saying her specific acts she already does aren't "open minded" enough.

I'm just saying that deciding no, I will not do something you want because it does nothing for me, sets a negative pace for the relationship... He may not like opening the door for you, he may not like holding your hand, but does all of that to make you feel special.... but if does nothing for him why should he do it?

Relationships, to me, personally... should be about growing closer together..doing things to make each other happy, special, excited and loved. I couldn't imagine anything good growing in selfishness.

[sallywi2003]

I really appreciate all of your thoughts and advice I love my BF very much but he is being to pushy on having breast sex. It is like everytime we make love he wants to have breast sex he will not take no for an answer. I think if he was not as demanding and pushy on this subject I might be presuaded into it as time goes on the constant badgering to do this makes me made. We had a long discussion this weekend and I told him that I really do not want to do this at this time and to drop the subject for awhile. I also explained that I feel I am pretty open with sex and as we continue together we can try different things but to not push this aspect of breast sex.

I feel he should be happy with all the other sexual play we have between us like toys, anal sex, oral sex and role playing. I think that he got the understanding but the next week will tell if he understood.

I really appreciate your feedback it gives me other things to think about.

[Allie602]

I really appreciate all of your thoughts and advice I love my BF very much but he is being to pushy on having breast sex. It is like everytime we make love he wants to have breast sex he will not take no for an answer. I think if he was not as demanding and pushy on this subject I might be presuaded into it as time goes on the constant badgering to do this makes me made. We had a long discussion this weekend and I told him that I really do not want to do this at this time and to drop the subject for awhile. I also explained that I feel I am pretty open with sex and as we continue together we can try different things but to not push this aspect of breast sex.

I feel he should be happy with all the other sexual play we have between us like toys, anal sex, oral sex and role playing. I think that he got the understanding but the next week will tell if he understood.

I really appreciate your feedback it gives me other things to think about.

Hopefully will be able to appreciate what he has. You are probably the best sexual partner he has ever had or will ever have. His excitement may carry him away. He may forget that you enjoy the excitement too but that it is a balance if he begins to be unpleasant with the pressure you may just not stay with him.

Unselicited advice but here it goes, - When you first start a relationship there is a considerable amount of time you need to get the man to slow down and get to know your body and what you need to get as much satisfaction as possible. It's a fact that men can have an orgasm easily and many do not understand how much work it takes to learn a new partners body and techniques to give her satisfaction. A man should consider each new relationship as starting over from scratch because every woman is different.

It takes time to get in sync and to slow him down consistently and make sure he stays slowed down. If he can't them he may not be worth the effort. He has to take the focus off of his orgasm and shift to learning how to satisfy his partner and that is difficult and takes some time. If he caring type of person he may do this process without prompting if he is not, the woman must make him into someone who can satisfy her. It's up to the woman to set the pace.

If he sets the pace you may end up trying everything he has ever seen on porn videos in the first few weeks if he finds a girl who is game. He may gets real excited because he has found someone to do every thing he has ever wanted to try. His excitement and fantasies and the possibility to get everything he wants may make him forget that his partner her needs and desires, it begins to be about maximum pleasure for him. It's not his fault he is driven by hormones and ignorance. It's up to the women to constantly remind him that it's not only his pleasure but hers too.

Depending on how old you are, you are probably experimenting to find out what works for you but pace yourself now that you have tried a number of things. Build to an acceptable level of sexual variety based on the level of caring and commitment and respect and appreciation on the part of the man. Savor the moments, finesse love-making, develop the intimacy and caring, make it mutually satisfying. Now you may want to save some of the sexual techniques you have tried like anal sex, for the man you decide to marry have, something special for the man who commits to you. Make it a special kind of intimacy.

Make him slow down and concentrates on getting to know you sexually and make sure he is not the only one getting the orgasms. Maybe withdrawing some things that you're doing will make him respect your wishes and know that you are not game for every thing he happens to want to try.

Best of Luck

[Allie602]

BTW The advice to succumb to a man's every whim is very bad advice. Young girls get this mind set when they first start dating, giving selflessly. It is a recipe for exploitation, by the time they are in their middle 20's they have had bad experiences and know better. Unfortunately the bad experiences affect all future relationship, their willingness to be creative and their feeling about men. So some self protection is need here, give to someone who has proven he cares about you, and protect your health and well being, set limits and stick to them no matter what, do what you feel comfortable doing don't be coerced, don't let a guy calling you a prude or frigid bother you it just means your selective and he is not entitle to have what he wants until you say so, Pace yourself you have plenty of time. Don't do any thing degrading, painful, or unsafe.
In an ideal world selflessness, is a lofty ideal but, unfortunately, there is a lot of selfishness in relationships on the part of both men and women, who look for what they can get. In a long-term relationship, I think, there should be an absolute commitment to meet each others needs to feel loved, but a couple has to find out what they are. That is totally different from the every whim stuff because that whim stuff is just brought up when a one party has some fixation and is trying to pressure the partner into to doing and claims not to feel loved because they do not feel comfortable doing it.

For this absolutism to work, one would need a man and a woman who are compassionate, and sensitive, enough to avoid requesting unsafe, painful or degrading acts, any act that would put the other on display for their pleasure, not to pester a partner for things they can't or will not do, and a commitment to understanding how to please a partner sexually, to accept kind guidance and willingness to study. Such people would avoid fixating on desires and fantasies and whims that would remind their partner of past hurts, or were to self serving, and have a general sensitivity to their partners to sensibilities.

Thankfully, there are such people and they are the one who can safely embrace meeting their partner needs to make them feel loved. I'm not talking about sex or mutually sat. sex and frequency etc, A person who does not want to have sex should make themselves useful by taking up holy orders and praying for peace between the genders.

[rcoreyus]

I'm afraid I have a rather different opinion from Allie602. I think the best sort of relationship is where each person tries to go along with all of their partner's desires and whims. I don't think it should lead to degrading acts, but rather to the couple continuously discovering new fun things to do.

Of course there are some people so want to degrade their partners, and I think that is a serious problem in the relationship whether the partner gives in or not.