[CHANDLERS WISH]

depresssed.

There is an issue that you are not dealing with that others now are trying to find a way to really let you know...

[depresssed]

Your over-simplification of the woman psyche tells me you are not "fit" to be in a relationship.

"Over-simplification." Please elaborate.

Not "fit" for a relationship? My God, my beautiful wife and I have four kids, three grandkids, and our progeny is exploding.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's what I'm afraid of. I can't see how anything she told me would change how I feel about her. I love her with all my heart. Since I don't believe she has been honest with me, I already suspect the worst. I think the result of knowing the truth would be that I would hurt less or I would hurt more. I will never love her any less. She is so special.

She doesn't believe that.

You would hurt full stop no matter what she said, but the bottom line is you are driving yourself crazy, going from Forum to forum trying to find the answer when the answer , all along as we are ALL saying is communicate, it's time.

Talk to her and realise SIZE does not matter it really doesn't it is that love that you keep talking about that you are holding back on that matters.

That makes every woman and man on earth love the sensuality, sexuality , and horniess of well, INTIMACY..

And I prefer CW but Chan is ok

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your over-simplification of the woman psyche tells me you are not "fit" to be in a relationship.
This is not necessarily negative, some things take time.
There are several books on emotional intelligence and tantra to broaden your understanding and maximize your chances to be in a happy relationship.
According to me you are too "raw" to be in one happily, and your age has nothing to do with it, or how ever many people you have dated.
But rather about your current status.

Lost? He's been in a relationship for a very long time, time is not the issue rather in my opinion, things un-spoken that has eaten at him for all this relationship.

Communication....

[Maximus]

"Over-simplification." Please elaborate.

Not "fit" for a relationship? My God, my beautiful wife and I have four kids, three grandkids, and our progeny is exploding.

No offense can possibly be taken.

What other aspects of your relationship have you developed ?

[Guest]

"You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink"

After twenty five pages of posts, this is a very fitting quote.

[WildChild]

This will be my last response to you, I'm done with this.

WC, you have completely misunderstood what I said. Selective comprehension, I suppose. My wife owes me no apologies! Please show me where I said she did in anything I have posted on this subject.

Double standard? What are you talking about? This is not about number of partners, it's about penis size. Read the title of the thread again, for crying out loud. If I knew my wife had 7,000 partners before me and they were all munchkins I would be doing nude cartwheels down Main Street.

Maybe I should present my problem on a men's forum. I see a clear gender bias here. I just hurt really bad and all I am hearing is that I should apologize to my wife for trying to please her for 27 years even though doing so hurt me to the center of my soul. Just never mind.

You have made an issue over penis size, you have also made an issue of your belief that despite her claim to have had no prior experience with BJs you think she had. My point which you have chosen to misread was that you seem to feel that your prior sexual experience is not an issue and the fact that a number of these women gave you BJs is fine but you SUSPECT THE WORST that your wife may have given someone else a BJ before you came down the pike. Looks like a double standard to me when your ability to judge BJs is based on having received them from multiple women but the possibility that your wife had experience with another man before she met you is THE WORST. Perhaps I misunderstood if so I apologize. Maybe she gave you a BJ and you just said, "WOW that was amazing, thank you" and you didn't even think to yourself, no way that was first time she's done that.

You also suspect she may have had more partners than she admits to, if this isn't a concern, why bring it up? Her two probably heedless, even maybe joking, remarks related to penis size, wounded you so deeply that you have secretly resented and festered and fumed for over 27 years.(what is honest about that?) Yet you claim to think she is a "wonderful" and "special" woman but you think she is a long term liar, and a dishonest person, who has hurt you to the "center of your soul".

You need to apologize, not for trying to please her, but for subjecting her to all these years of doubt and secret resentment.

If you are looking for people to tell you that she is an insensitive so and so, I'm sure you can find places where they will tell you that penises over 15" are the only ones worth paying attention to or places were they will be happy to rake her over the coals for you for belittling you and being dishonest.

If you don't want an apology from her what are you looking for?
You say that you are hurt to your soul. That's pretty deep.
You say you want honesty? But you don't have anything but your own ideas to support the belief that she has not been honest.
What if she has been telling you the truth?
You won't accept it.
What do you want?

To repeat what I already said,
"Why would a woman lie about something like this for years? Even to the detriment of her marriage, sex life and relationship?
Is she a chronic liar?
If not, the only reason I can think of is that telling the truth would have an even more dire reaction. In other words she was afraid that the response to that information would be worse."

If you are looking for people to tell that penis size a big deal to women, you've come to the wrong place. I've said it before; I've had men that range in size from under 3 inches erect to 10 inches (those two at the ends of the spectrum were both good lovers). The best lovers I've had were in the mid range for size. What REALLY counts is connection, feeling cared about, having a lover who reads her responses and helps a woman build to a high level of arousal. That can be done with no penis involved at all.

Please set an appointment and go talk with a counselor. You've let this go on too long, it's not healthy for you, your wife or your relationship.

[depresssed]

This will be my last response to you, I'm done with this.



You have made an issue over penis size, you have also made an issue of your belief that despite her claim to have had no prior experience with BJs you think she had. My point which you have chosen to misread was that you seem to feel that your prior sexual experience is not an issue and the fact that a number of these women gave you BJs is fine but you SUSPECT THE WORST that your wife may have given someone else a BJ before you came down the pike. Looks like a double standard to me when your ability to judge BJs is based on having received them from multiple women but the possibility that your wife had experience with another man before she met you is THE WORST. Perhaps I misunderstood if so I apologize.

No need to apologize, but yes, you definitely misunderstand. There is no double standard. I have had plenty of partners. She knows all about them. I don't know about hers. Even that is OK. If I never know who it is I really married that is fine. I will never love her less. I just want to stop hurting.

You need to apologize, not for trying to please her, but for subjecting her to all these years of doubt and secret resentment.

Again, for the 4,000th time, she has not been subjected to years of doubt and resentment. She has known nothing about my pain.

If you don't want an apology from her what are you looking for?
You say that you are hurt to your soul. What do you want?

Just to stop hurting.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Depressed, firstly look at the word in which you chose to join with, whether as typing you added the third s so it screamed out, or an error, obviously you are.

Secondly, she knows nothing of your pain? She knows you walk around not trusting her, you walk around feeling in-adequate, women know when something is wrong but what is she meant to do? She has had sex with you and at the beginning of your relationship lots of it, so you must be good enough or she wouldn't have married you...

Think on that one, she wasn't forced to marry you.

Even that is OK. If I never know who it is I really married that is fine.

Then neither did she. Do you think she was going to predict that you would be depressed about your size when she clearly fell in love with you, married you, had children with you, grandchildren , years ...She didn't really know then who it was she was marrying either did she.

If you want to stop hurting, realise you are talking rubbish, yes rubbish...This woman married you, had sex with you loads of it, had children to you...

If she has cooled off on you it wasn't your size, it was again, the intimacy, connection, extensive interesting, adverturous foreplay, the excitement and love.....

So realise that and stop hurting and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

[nyx]

Just to stop hurting.

You say you just want to stop hurting, yet we have gone through 50 posts telling you the exact same thing.
1. penis size doesn't matter
2. your wife had a choice when she married you, yet she chose you and your penis
3. you cannot have it both ways, your wife can't be good and a chronic liar
4. communication

I think what you really want is a validation of 27 years of pain. Now you have finally realized how stupid it was to keep it bottled up and let it fester (not trying to be offensive). You don't seem to have taken even one person's advice, even though you have been given a lot of help. I think all you want is to realize that this wasn't all for nothing. I think it was though, and that sucks. All you can do now is just move on. Talk to your wife, get some counseling, do whatever it takes, but let this go. I think you'll be happier if you do.