[liminal]

Do you think it's normal and understandable to be desperate to get laid. At least for me from a physiological standpoint it's difficult to supress to urge to think about sex quite often.

And when I do I think abou the particulars of that individual I am imagining and it's ver not crude in my opinion.

So yeah I would like to meet that person that I am thinking about and express on some level how I feel and that might include having nothin more than wonderful sex between two caring human being in a loving way in this brief span of life and nothing more.

We laugh and say we don't have to get to know each other we already know each other on a deeper more intuitive level and we go our separate ways but more likely I would of course want to get to know the person even more and more on a personal level even after sex with them.

Both seem like possibilities.

Maybe my idea of sex is unrealistic. I don't personally feel that it is though and I would like that feeling of urgency respected without being regarded as a player. The urge is strong but it's not something crude not how I experience it anyways.

[liminal]

He could assume that people are aware it's difficult for someone like him and he could be "nice" and treat all women with respect, and not stalk, and take it as it comes, someone is therefore for everyone in life, unless we stay behind closed doors.

I dont think we can make assumptions about people in this world. A husband will eventually feel his wife is cold and unloving toward him if she never says I love you even if she works very hard for him.

People need words.

[liminal]

So yes. I need verbal reassurance.

People are like "that guy has Aspergers and he has a whole cotterie of women who just like him didn't get enough attention in there younger years. And there going at it like crazy. He isnt as good looking or as smart as you either, So I don't feel sorry one bit for you."

Well I don't know if that is correct but I suspect it and it makes me wander how people would feel if they knew that everyone with Aspergers is different with different experiences.

[WildChild]

Most people have probably never even neard of Aspergers, or if they have it has been just a passing reference in an article they have read. Perhaps you can think of a good, brief way to explain it when it is appropriate. The more educated people are about it the easier it will be for them to be more understanding.

For the most part other people don't think about us as much as we may think they do. Usually they are more concerned with things directly related to themselves.

[ItsASecret]

Well I don't know if that is correct but I suspect it and it makes me wander how people would feel if they knew that everyone with Aspergers is different with different experiences.

Having Aspergers is by no means a life sentence of solitude. But you cannot expect a woman to pity you for having this condition, and have sex because of that pity if that is what you are looking for. The likelihood of that happening is very very slim. Aspergers does not mean you cannot go out and meet someone and at least say hello. Any interaction is still interaction. You can build up your confidence with the small talk interactions. If a woman is caring she is not going to shun you simply because you have Aspergers. If she likes you it will not matter how you present yourself because in her eyes you matter to her. You just need to find that woman, and the only way to do that is to look around in the world for her.

[ItsASecret]

Most people have probably never even neard of Aspergers, or if they have it has been just a passing reference in an article they have read. Perhaps you can think of a good, brief way to explain it when it is appropriate. The more educated people are about it the easier it will be for them to be more understanding.

This is absolutely true for a lot of things. People will recognize the word "Aspergers" but if they are asked what it is they will say "I don't know". They have no bias when hearing about the condition because they have no idea what the condition is. Letting someone know what it is because you actually have the condition is a perfect time to briefly explain what it is. Even saying "Aspergers just means I have trouble communicating with people" and it will be enough for someone to understand what it basically is and therefore try to understand you more.

[liminal]

The likelihood of that happening is very very slim. Aspergers does not mean you cannot go out and meet someone and at least say hello

(edit)
I have joined numerous clubs I even say hello to virtually everyone. Please don't ASSUME you know what it's like. For Christ sakes can't anyone listen to me?

That doesnt mean that when it comes to basic social situations that I can think of things to say to get people to know me.

That's what Asperger is. (for some people) (edit) And apparently Aspergers is also never being understood.

(edit)

And for the pity sex reference (edit). I dont expect it and I believe I am worth more than that.

Can anyone besides me see how isolated that one can get due to mental illness without having to blame me?

[waya]

Honey, I think you need to calm down. I think you're feeling attacked but I don't think that's what Secret is trying to do. I don't know if your situation is similar but I fairly recently dated a man with a mild form of Asperger's. The problems he had with social interaction were mainly that he had a hard time telling the emotions behind people's words (ie he couldn't necessarily tell if they were being sarcastic or if they were annoyed, etc) and that he could come off as abrasive or rude without realizing it. I sensed that he had a good heart and a bit of a hard time socially because I had been like that. This means there are probably women that sense that about you. In our case he never knew it until I very obviously put forth the effort to make contact, that I was interested. Could the same thing be happening to you?

Ok, to address your worry that women might judge you because you may be transparent in your desperate need for sex. I'll be honest, if a guy came across as 'desperate' it would probably make me leary. But at the same time, women are accustomed to getting sexual signals from men. So you may not be broadcasting 'DESPERATE' the way you're afraid you might. If I receive sexual signals from a man who seems genuinely interested in me, I'm flattered. As you've said, I don't know how Asperger's effects you in particular. So, I don't know how good you are at expressing yourself physically but non-verbal cues that you are genuinely interested can be very important. A real smile while looking a woman in the eye goes a long way. It says 'I'm really enjoying your company.' That makes a woman feel good. If she can tell you actually care about what's going on in her life, her likes and dislikes, she won't be put off if you also unconsciously signal that you want sex. It's when she feels you don't really care about getting to know her as a person that those signals make her feel like a thing instead of a person and she gets offended.

Also, I believe at some point you mentioned a fantasy where you have sex with someone you don't know very well and it's nice for both of you, etc. That is a common fantasy among men and women but, IMO, an uncommon reality. Just my thoughts...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

liminal..

You also have a short fuse and you read "into things"...

Let's look at this, because you keep having a go at ItsASecret and here, if you are "rude" more than once, we can't help you, and so the thread is closed.

So I want you to re-read it and then read my answer to it okay...

The likelihood of that happening is very very slim. Aspergers does not mean you cannot go out and meet someone and at least say hello. Any interaction is still interaction. You can build up your confidence with the small talk interactions. If a woman is caring she is not going to shun you simply because you have Aspergers.

So, you pointed out other people with Aspergers and you pointed out how you view people will and do see someone with a condition...

Do you not believe that with small interactions as ItsASecret has mentioned, that you could build slowly,in small amounts, some confidence?

I have joined numerous clubs I even say hello to virtually everyone.

That doesnt mean that when it comes to basic social situations that I can think of things to say to get people to know me.

So she is talking about gaining confidence, you are the one stating you have Aspergers, maybe it isn't diagnosed well, maybe for you it's more shyness and confidence how do you know?

it makes me wander how people would feel if they knew that everyone with Aspergers is different with different experiences.

And some of those is confidence right?


And, again, if a woman is caring she is not going to shun you just because you have Aspergers... Now, isn't that part of what this is all about? Would they? Will they? That was a response to the following:-

that guy has Aspergers and he has a whole cotterie of women who just like him didn't get enough attention in there younger years. And there going at it like crazy. He isnt as good looking or as smart as you either, So I don't feel sorry one bit for you."

It was not a definition, it was not a this is what you are, it was, hey do you think if you socialised more it would help you gain confidence and by the way, a caring woman wouldn't care, don't sweat over that, don't focus on that , there are alot of good women out there.

See I use words, ItsASecret is straight to the point in a caring way, not to at all be constued as telling you what you are...it's asking you if that would help you and it's advising you that not all women are like that.

I've edited your post, please be respectful and if you get angry upset, don't like the advice, then don't answer that post, leave that one alone, but more importantly read it as I did, she is trying to help you work out what may HELP you...not someone with an illness. You...

Maybe you may find it in you, to, apologise.

I dont expect it and I believe I am worth more than that.

Can anyone besides me see how isolated that one can get due to mental illness without having to blame me?

And so is she, we see clearly all of us, how you are ensuing you don't use a woman, how caring you are over the thought of hitting, it's evident... But, at times you see a fantasy in front of you in how you see that sex, now, can I tell you we all do? Seriously? Whether it is with our partner or with someone else, we all have fantasies...

You are focusing on the eyes, the body language, not quite right, she will think you are only after sex, you've stated that, so confidence comes into that, can you see that? So, therefore, ItsASecret's comment was based on that, confidence, just small further on-going interactions may help you.... I see that as offering you advice.

Again, she has said, and I will say "no" we don't see pity sex, why? Because, you have to ask for it and use a disability in order to get it, remember my comment re my friend? You stated you would not do that, so we get that.

You have needs like anyone else...

You care about women in general so you have MORALS...which is a good thing.

What if the woman was "okay" for sex only but for a living, it's her living, and a man fills that fantasy, what does that make you think ?

We all are reading exactly what you are saying, and 17 pages later, 170 posts in a couple days, 1000 plus views, says WE ARE... all of us, everyone of us and ItsASecret is a main person who is trying to work out a way that you can achieve what you really want in life.

So yeah, you must be worth something.

Anxiety...
Homeaphobic

They are illnesses that create a world of problems too. But, you know what? They are NOT life threatening neither is yours, it's not a fault, it's the way we are either born, or it's the way we become due to stressful circumstances in life, and unless we venture out and see what it is we want and what we need to LEARN in order to get what we want? Then we will remain where we are.

I encourage people to read your other thread as well.

You need to do one thing.

Listen to what people here are advising you, don't judge them as they are not judging you, read a word, such as "confidence" and ask yourself do I have that? If the answer is now? Ask how do I get it?

You came here for help and we are listening...

Give it a go.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/29507-you-sympathetic-somebody-who-can-not-have-sex.html

I've provided a link to one of your other threads that may help people further with your thought patterns on this ..

CW