[CHANDLERS WISH]

I dont think we can make assumptions about people in this world. A husband will eventually feel his wife is cold and unloving toward him if she never says I love you even if she works very hard for him.

People need words.

He could assume that people are aware it's difficult for someone like him and he could be "nice" and treat all women with respect, and not stalk, and take it as it comes, someone is therefore for everyone in life, unless we stay behind closed doors.

True, there is a saying about the word ASSUME (out of ) U (&) ME and many a time aint that a fact, when we assume. And, there are so many threads here of exactly that, husbands feeling that their wife is cold, won't communicate, won't discuss, won't compromise, the word love is a word... it's the actions that speak lowder.

But, okay, take that word out.... let's say he too is "desperate" "needy" "wants" love.

Let's say that in addition he is sick and tired of masterbating.

Let's say he refuses to see a Hooker for an ugly word, a woman whom is "ok" to give her sexuality for money, a living, be it because she has to or she wants to....but he can't MORALS won't allow him... So, he is angry with the World.

All these woman love his personality, cuddle him, hug him, have photos with him. One day he has enough... He looks at those photos and he is angry, they see him as more like a "awee poor thing" and he's a man, with needs, like everyone else, with love to give and desire like everyone else, yet no dinners, no dates, no sex.

So he gets mad. How dare they have a relationship, I want one.

How dare they have a one night stand, I just read that on facebook I want one.

What is wrong with me? Can you not see the inner me?

Stalk.....

There is someone for everyone in life.....as I said.

But, that feeling is horrible... the needs of all things that we have....yet something prevents someone from not being able to have it.

A woman whom is 40 realising she wants children, grabs anyone, falls in love instantly, he starts to back off, she stalks, texts , he runs, she is alone again.

See now that you are not alone and this has nothing to do with a mental illness?

It is to do with, an illness. Any illness, in-cluding the lowest of lowest self esteme and including, a disability and including, no confidence yet, a person can walk and talk............

It is called, learning.........how.............to ...............change...............it.

CW

[liminal]

Okay.

1. I have always struggled with making friends.
2.I try to think of things offf the top of my head and nothing comes up.
3. What I am thinking is never part of the flow of conversation
4. It has to do with the way my brain works.
5. I believe my perception of how my brain works is more valid than other people perceptions of how it should work.
6. As a result I can get extremely alienated from people.
7. For instance I've had friends who I met and often times I will just go to there place and just sit in awkward silence while everyone else is chatting.
8. I am trying very hard but that doesn mean that my brain allows me to do what I hope for.
9. It would be an absolute godsend for me like an angel sent from heaven if somebody recognized "maybe something more is going on here than meets the eye. I used to think he just lacked confidence but there seems to be something else."
10. If that person then after that told me." I can see somethin else going on. Wow you must feel so alienated. Thats not good at all." I would be so happy because finally somebody understood me.

The most I can do is try to communicate what is happening to me. I thought that maybe Aspergers might be enough for people to finally "get it" but nope.

Look there are obviously other psychological factors such as distrust but to start out you have to look at what is most basic.

[liminal]

It's so frustrating when people don't believe you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sweet heart, that's a great reply.

Okay though the last statement, I was thinking before you typed that, to ask you some questions, ....

But if there is more?

If there is things that happened that is stopping you from things? Then don't you think you should trust us and talk about those too?

Remember, the basics are often the end, not the beginning or in-between....

So what has made you distrust if I can ask please...

And, were you happy in your childhood? I mean what things happened that were great.

And, you don't mention your Dad.

I know this is off track but who is to say it is ,when one of the things you want is to communicate and be HEARD...

[stressed]

Liminal, you cover several issues in your posts, which all lead to one: You want to be understood. We all want to be understood. We all want what you want, men and women. Relationships, whether long-term, short-term, sex-related, love-related always have one problem or another. Nobody is perfect, nobody can fully understand us, nobody can give us everything we want. This is a fact of life. What we do is compromise, try to understand, try to be understood. It's a trial-and-error deal. No matter what we're going to be told, no matter what we're going to read, we only learn by trying, by making the effort, by adjusting to society's rules, whether we want to or not and whether it's right or wrong.

- A question you often ask is "what is normal". Normal is relative. If you ask one thousand people you will get one thousand different answers as to what is "normal". You asking this question shows you want to know what you must do to fit in a "normal" society, but there is no answer to this question because every single person is different. Everyone is special, everyone defines "normal" differently.

- You are also extremely concerned about what people will think of you, because you want to be accepted in the society as an equal. We cannot read people's minds, we cannot understand them with one look, or even with 10 years of living with them because people are complicated creatures. In the same sense, you cannot be fully understood either, nor can anyone read your mind. Nobody. You have to communicate your intentions, be it verbally or with body language, over time and with patience. This is something you need to work with by interacting with people offline, as much as possible.

- You also ask what women expect from you. There's no answer to this either. Every woman expects something different from you. Every woman perceives you, your words, your intentions, differently. There is no manual for social interactions. What you can do is meet women and gain social experience, until you find a woman compatible with you. If you find it difficult to do so then you need to seek methods that will help you progress. A very good idea is counseling.

- You have to find out what you want and then seek how you can achieve what you want. If you have a certain goal then look for options that will lead you to reaching this goal.

All we can do here is give you our opinion based on our life experiences and we're not here to judge you.

[liminal]

1. Not having friends in school at an early age
2. Girl in junior high walks up to me and starts talking to me. I think great but another girl goes up and says "why are you talking to him?" Yeah junior high is mean but your asking how I came to distrust people.
3. Comments such as the above but never comments that personally acknowledge how hard it is to be so alone.
4. My parents just alway fought they didn't spend much time on our emotional needs.
5. Jay Leno thinks "30 year old virgins" are worth a joke and so does the audience.
6. People refusing to believe that my inabilty to talk has anything more than confidence at play.



I was not happy in childhood for some of the reasons already stated.

.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

1. Mother making me wear rubber ducky shoes, pink jumpers kids laughed, a fight erruped at school, two girls broke out of a home to get me, thought it would be funny, someone warned me, I beat both, no one ever picked on me again, my friends were, a boy with a hole in the heart a girl with eczma, yet others "wanted to" just did it more hidden...

2. Girls talking to me then the above occured, so they chose to back off their friendship, in-case it happened to them, I was perceived a nurd.

3. Compliments you so needed from your parents but didn't get enough of. And, so you vow to become who you want and not be like them with your family.

4. So there is a brother and or / and sister? How do you get on with them.

5. Jay Leno is after ratings he has a selective idiots following him, because he is "famous" he must be right, right? Pfttt. My ex husband was 31, I married him, I was his second wife, him 36 me too.

6. That's frustration, so the word confidence is not a good word for you because you see the above as the reason and it's not confidence or lack of at all they should see that, but then what you wrote as points? My ex did that to me, I felt sorry for him, saw also the "inner self, qualities , intelligence so I saw more than "pity" but I felt for him and next thing you know I fell in love"....

Time....

Confidence is still a player it really is, because your childhood was like mine, your love of parents was like mine, you shut yourself away, and it's hard to get out , you go out I don't mean that I mean the inner you and bringing that out, I have always had that in me, the tough, the pfttt, you haven't...that's not a fault....

How do I get you to see that I was the same? Yet I fought and how do I get you to see, that you are tough, strong, no more, learn, get out there (as here) listen, and learn and don't take the past anymore, no more.... It's time for you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I used to think he just lacked confidence but there seems to be something else."

Yes, never being love the way you needed and not strong enough to cope with that, rejection and then gaining it from school when that would have been OK, had you had parents guiding you and telling you kids are cruel and look where they will end up, yet you have heart and soul.

Without direction or belief it is easy to go to the bottom, and stay there, ....

Confidence again, as "madam tried to get you to see" Is where we need to grow...

[liminal]

people will think of you, because you want to be accepted in the society as an equal. We cannot read people's minds, we cannot understand them with one look, or even with 10 years of living with them because people are complicated creatures. In the same sense, you cannot be fully understood either, nor can anyone read your mind. Nobody. You have to communicate your intentions, be it verbally or with body language, over time and with patience. This is something you need to work with by interacting with people

I try to. I think I communicate my wordlessness with my eyes. Sometimes what I think about can't be articulated. I think about feelings and thats not easy to put in words.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your soul is sad, and so it comes through in your eyes..

But you are trying to find and it's never too late.

So your brother/ sister/both are you close?

I'm sorry liminal, and I googled that word as well, you are not alone, honestly...

This is not easy either because whilst we experienced some "same" so you could see, it's common, we didn't experience the fire in the belly verses the lonliness and hidden-ness yet alot of times I was lonley but I could live with myself because I believed in myself.

So, can I ask what do you like about you? Think ... because there are alot of things....

I may not answer you on all of your posts tonight, as for me it's getting late but let's go away from the "disease" and focus on past, present and get to a future because that is what you need, want, to be loved, enjoy companionship, be wanted, be sexual accepted, and respect back and have fantasies, you are so human.. It all is human...