[stressed]

A quick note towards most of the posters here: This is a specific case, of a specific man. It's not our own lives, it's not a memory our ours, it's a whole other man with whole other problems. Instead of generalizing "why is it always the men to blame?" / "why is it always the women to blame?" perhaps we should focus on learning about this man and his wife specifically? Asking him questions to learn about him instead of applying our own experiences on his problem? Think about it. I understand it can hit a nerve to many of us, but this doesn't help him. At all.

I was going to answer to the OP but reading some of the latest answers (from both sexes) just annoyed me instead (I'm sorry) so I'm going to return at a later time, because this man needs an advice or an opinion, or just to vent. Not read from us venting instead.

Please, all, think about it and answer responsibly. If you want to get something out of your chest create your own thread, but always try to help the OP's FIRST.

[caster]

Unless everyone here is a trained physco-sex therapist about the only way anyone can respond is based on personal experiences.
Base on his only post I can only assume that their relationshio is otherwise healthy and they are still attracted to each other.

But, perhaps sex is unimportant to your wife at this point in her life. I'm sure each one of us is different, but I can relate to Eagle as my desires have stayed the same or grown over the course of our marriage while my wife's has dropped to near zero. We all change differently as we age.

If you're tried everything you can think of, and she won't acknowledge there is a problem or discuss options, then you have to decide if a sexless or near sexless marriage is right for you.
Maybe explaining it that bluntly is what you both need to hear. Lay it out in the open, but don't make any hasty decisions even if it blows up into an argument. Just get it out there and give each other time to think about the consequenses.

I'll make one generality and leave it at that.
I personally do not think Women have a clue how important sex is to a man. That if it's not important to them, then it shouldn't be for us.

[Tod121]

A quick note towards most of the posters here: This is a specific case, of a specific man. It's not our own lives, it's not a memory our ours, it's a whole other man with whole other problems. Instead of generalizing "why is it always the men to blame?" / "why is it always the women to blame?" perhaps we should focus on learning about this man and his wife specifically? Asking him questions to learn about him instead of applying our own experiences on his problem? Think about it. I understand it can hit a nerve to many of us, but this doesn't help him. At all.

I was going to answer to the OP but reading some of the latest answers (from both sexes) just annoyed me instead (I'm sorry) so I'm going to return at a later time, because this man needs an advice or an opinion, or just to vent. Not read from us venting instead.

Please, all, think about it and answer responsibly. If you want to get something out of your chest create your own thread, but always try to help the OP's FIRST.

--------------------------------

Personally, I thought sharing OUR views and expriences WOULD be of help and all part n parcel of a discussion on-line or face to face, the person with the issue can then draw his own conclusions, may be EagleChief can come back to us and let us know, none of us have a magic wand or answer and through our comments we should be able to gleam some kind of understanding if not a complete magical solution. Dont get me wrong, we ALL need to listen but surely sharing our views will help on some level? I thought my views were quite balanced and gave something to think about? If nothing else EagleChief is not alone.

[stressed]

I personally do not think Women have a clue how important sex is to a man. That if it's not important to them, then it shouldn't be for us.

I left my fiance because he had no interest in sex. I am not a man. I'd never say that "men don't have a clue how important sex is to women". Such comments cause tension.

By the way, your post was not one of the posts I was referring to.

--------------------------------

Personally, I thought sharing OUR views and expriences WOULD be of help and all part n parcel of a discussion on-line or face to face, the person with the issue can then draw his own conclusions, may be EagleChief can come back to us and let us know, none of us have a magic wand or answer and through our comments we should be able to gleam some kind of understanding if not a complete magical solution. Dont get me wrong, we ALL need to listen but surely sharing our views will help on some level? I thought my views were quite balanced and gave something to think about? If nothing else EagleChief is not alone.

It's one thing to give "an advice" based on our experiences and it's another thing to write down our own experiences. This thread just turned into an unnecessary battle between men and women, just look at the first page. If I were the OP I'd never return here. Anyway, that was my opinion which nobody else has to agree/disagree with.

[WildChild]

Sharing is one thing. So far this thread has read more like a dumping ground or vent fest.

Apologies to the OP.

Obviously this is a touchy subject and we have addressed it many times before.
As we have seen in many threads some people, male or female, are simply not into sex, many of both genders are not good at communicating their feelings or needs and perhaps equally as many are not good at listening to what their partner is saying or communicating.

Demotivator you have not been here long and need to take a deep breath and do some reading, you will find that our regular posters here are not in the habit of dumping everything on the man's door step. Nor on the woman's.

I have been on the other side of the fence as a woman who wanted sex and a connected relationship and was not able to get a positive response. It is frustrating and painful but nothing is served by bringing bitterness and anger to the discussion here.

In many cases if a woman is feeling overwhelmed it can be very helpful and loving for her partner to give her an extra hand. In many relationships the bulk of the housework and child case does indeed fall on the woman. We don't know what is the situation in this household.

I have a few questions for the OP to help get a better picture of his situation.

What are your ages?
How long have you been together?
Is she orgasmic?
Was there a time when the two of you had a really good sex life together? If so how long has the situation of her having low/no interest existed?
How old are your children?
Are you both employed outside the home?
Can you pinpoint any events or situation that might have triggered this or be a factor?
Is she or are you on any meds?
Have you sat down and had a calm discussion about the situation and both of your feelings?

There are many other things I can think of to ask but this is a starting point.

[pretzel]

Okay, so my wife and i have been married for almost 13 yrs now. We have three wonderful daughters, she works two days a week and i'm a full time stay at home dad (retired). We're both in our early 30's and in decent shape.
Here's the problem. She can go weeks without sex; hello, i'm a guy and i can't. I feel like we always have to get into some sort of argument before we have sex. I take her out on date nights with no kids; i do the majority of the cooking in the house; i help out with the trash and laundry; i'm also Mr. fix-it around the house.
It seems like a never ending battle that i'm always having to fight and go though with her. I have bought and suggested buying toys, outfits, swings, lubes, the whole 9 yards. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? My out look is this, is it too much to ask for sex once or twice a week??? How many times is considered normal? Is my sex drive too high?
HELP, any advice welcome...
Thanks in advance.
EagleChief, out.

Couple of comments,

First off, to be honest, maybe you're trying too hard. Buying toys, swings, sexy clothes etc. if they weren't part of your normal course of actions may be sending the wrong message. Maybe she is feeling that it's just "sex" as opposed to reconnecting through intimacy. Are you sure it's not overload?

Secondly, I know from my own experiences, relationships do have ebbs and flows and not we're not always on the same page. It sounds like at being together 13 years, raising children may have caused a routineness in the relationship. Even date nite can get somewhat redundant if its the same date.

[WildChild]

Opps sorry I missed that you have provided some of the info I posed questions about. Some features of the site have been a little wonky lately and I couldn't read the original post without losing the page. I'm going to throw one possibility out - the two of you may have too much time together and too little going on in your lives.
Early 30s, retired, with her working two days a week? What do you each do all day? Do you do anything to keep yourselves vital, involved outside your home and able to have something to talk about or do separately and together to keep a strong spark of interest in each other?

[Guest]

As a guy, I'm confused....

You state very clearly that you are a stay at home dad. All of the things you mention sound like the types of things, and more, a stay at home parent does on a daily basis.

What do any of them have to do with sex?

Why don't you ask Her? "Honey, I want/need/desire more sex in our relationship. What can I do to get it?"

[WildChild]

Why don't you ask Her? "Honey, I want/need/desire more sex in our relationship. What can I do to get it?"

Opps red flag, that screams me,me,me.

Maybe a little different phrasing?

"Honey, I would like to create more intimacy in our relationship. What can we do to feel closer and bring back the playfulness and sharing?"

[caster]

Maybe a little different phrasing?

"Honey, I would like to create more intimacy in our relationship. What can we do to feel closer and bring back the playfulness and sharing?"

You want the reply I got from asking that same question several different ways over many years?
"What's wrong with our relationship?"
"Sex is all you think about"
"You're never satisfied"
"I'm happpy with our sex life, why aren't you"

Women are experts at turning that question around on you.

If she doesn't care or think it's important it's not going to change unless she wants it to, no matter how you ask.
If you can find a way for her to answer why it's not important to her, then you have something to work with. But good luck with that one I'm sorry to say.