[EagleChief]

I appreciate all of the input and insight from everyone. I am going to talk to my wife and work on things with her and ya'll know how it goes. Thanks again.

[Guest]

Instead of "helping her" at the gym yourself, have you thought about paying a PT to work with her? It seems to me, that you are doing/have done about everything you can think of and still have "challenges".

Perhaps you could offer to hire a PT to help her with her diet and exercise desires and see how that goes. Doing so would also take the "pressure" off of you.

I would also continue to encourage counseling of some sort for one or both of you.

[caster]

I am always the one who instigates sex, and i feel that because of the many things that i do to alleviate stress from her life, compliment her when she is down, and help her out that i shouldn't get shot down for sex... IMO... She is really down on herself right now about her weight. I have been in the gym for a few years now and have lost a ton of fat and gained more muscle than i've ever had and she's upset that she can't loose the weight. I have gone far enough as to alter my workout routine and schedule to help her out on the 5 days a week that she's not working and i feel like only when i hold her by her hand and "almost force her" to do the exercises, that she'll do them... I try to encourage her to go to the gym and find a workout partner that she feels comfortable with, and let them motivate each other....but it hasn't worked...

Ditto on about all the above, maybe we should exchange notes...
It ticks her off that I can loose the winter weight and get in spring shape in a matter of weeks, where she has to work out for months to get marginal or no results.
I try to tell her working out is perpetual, the more you do the better you feel, the better you feel the more you do. It's also the same with sex, the more you have it the more you enjoy it so the more you want it.
She seems to think if we have sex once a month to satisfy me then that's enough until the next time I'm frustrated. She doesn't understand that it doesn't work that way and this isn't a game to be played. Sexual health is very important to a good healthy marriage.

[Jimbeau]

How about internet porn instead?

[stressed]

If she's not happy with her own body then it's likely that she won't be happy sharing her body with you. Asking for sex may be a reminder for her of how unhappy she is with her body, how uncomfortable it makes her to undress in front of you, to let you see her naked.

I believe that weight issues for women should be approached in the same manner as ED issues for men. With patience and working together. Expecting a woman to want sex when she despises her own image, whether she's right to do so or not from an objective point of view, is the same as expecting a man to want sex every day when he has performance anxiety issues.

Even if she does understand your problem, pressuring her is only going to make her feel worse. Solve her insecurities first and then focus on sex.

[pretzel]

If she's not happy with her own body then it's likely that she won't be happy sharing her body with you. Asking for sex may be a reminder for her of how unhappy she is with her body, how uncomfortable it makes her to undress in front of you, to let you see her naked.

I believe that weight issues for women should be approached in the same manner as ED issues for men. With patience and working together. Expecting a woman to want sex when she despises her own image, whether she's right to do so or not from an objective point of view, is the same as expecting a man to want sex every day when he has performance anxiety issues.

Even if she does understand your problem, pressuring her is only going to make her feel worse. Solve her insecurities first and then focus on sex.

I do agree about the underlying issues that many women face in regard to self image and self confidence as it relates to intimacy and sexual responses. In that I can attest to.

But with that there also has to be some responsibility to want to make things better not only for oneself, but for your partner also. I'm not saying it's easy. I know my wife doesn't like the way she looks and feels about herself and yes that does translate into her desire for physical contact. What is difficult, especially for me, is to get her to understand that it's not the body that I want the intimacy and physical contact with, it's the person whom I love and want to be happy with being with me and the way she feels about us.

The body is nothing more than the vessel which holds one's soul. I love the person within that body, not the shell that is visible.

[EagleChief]

Okay, Thanks to all of the input/insight/explanation of personal problems/suggestions/and what not.
Talked to my wife last night and had her go through this thread with me, post by post, starting with mine all the way to the end of my last post last night... We had a long insightful talk about her sexual desire and mine; our lack of intimacy and how to re-spark our relationship. She is all for a re-connection (Physical/sexual/mental/emotional/intimate)... I feel like we've made a real start on our "new" relationship and i hope that it continues to grow and move in a positive direction. I felt like a (sorry to say this) little girl telling her that i want to be held and feel the intimacy of a real kiss... but it proved to her how distant we had grown and that i do have needs as a man, a human, and her husband.
Time will tell how well this is going to go, but we have both agreed to be more in touch to the others feelings, emotions, wants, and needs. Again, Thank you all for the tips. I will return and post other topics as i see fit or find answers to other questions or concerns that may arise.

EagleChief, out.

[WildChild]

Good for you!
Hope this makes for a great year ahead!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I feel like we've made a real start on our "new" relationship

I love that word, because it brings you back, to the time you met....

"Good morning girlfriend".....daily comes to mind

I felt like a (sorry to say this) little girl telling her that i want to be held and feel the intimacy of a real kiss...

You showed her the thread, we are HUMAN remember, there is nothing girly at all, wanting to be loved, and feel that fire in the belly, the sigh, from a kiss....Remember that.

I know you have children but now is a good time to go away for the weekend, not a date night, but 2 whole days, laughing, smelling the roses, holding hands and what ever else occurs.

You know, popping out all those children, last being only 2yrs old, takes it toll on us women's bodies and it is hard to get motivated to go back to what we looked like before hand....The main thing is?

WE ARE BEAUTIFUL on the inside, and to your wife, the best exercise is sex Sorry just a little joke...but seriously, you are beautiful on the inside, everything takes time, just because Eagle wants to train, and looks not bad naked, doesn't mean that you don't look beautiful naked as well, as you are... It obviously bothers you though so take it slowly, and don't stress over it, if EAGLE didn't love you to death, he wouldn't have posted this thread.....

[gatitia]

Ok, so you have been married 13 years?!...You have children but your in your early 30's?! You want "sex" more often...You made suggestions. What did she say? Have you sat down and spoken to her? followed by listening to what she has to say? Their may be issues that she is going through that are beyond "sex" Alot of other issues can be the cause that have nothing to do with you and or the things you do at home. Marriage counseling is a good idea as well as seeing a family doctor. Medical issues can also cause lack continual sexual interest as well.