[Guest]

Well I have learned that kissing is her trigger. She did let me in on that. And she doesn't want my hands anywhere down there! Can't figure out that one though.
How can I not feel so bad, I have ruined her sex life for 6-8 years. That's a lot of really good opportunities down the drain. Been trying to cope with this all day, hard and bitter pill to swallow to say the least.
I'm looking forward to making love with my wife. I always say make love with and not "to", I want the love of my life to enjoy it as much as I do and maybe even more. That way she will come back for more

[ItsASecret]

Think of it as at least you have something to work with. No she may not end up a wild crazy kinky woman due to no sex for the past few years but at the very least you may be able to get your cuddles that you mentioned you love to do. A lot of men may never get the revelation as to what is causing their wife to be asexual, you got her to at least open up about one thing...one thing...and that one thing is already leagues above what other men may be experiencing. Your best bet would be to take it slow, do not dive into smothering her with affection and hoping that it equates sex. Likely will not work because she has been asexual for so long. You can just try to watch a movie or something and put your arm around her if she allows that, maybe a kiss on the cheek but I wouldn't go for tongue kissing simply because she said kissing is her trigger. Have more calm discussions to show that you are not going to go nuts with trying different triggers in a short time period, but the calm discussions to let her know that you are concerned about her happiness and that you want to figure out how to achieve those things for her at HER pace. The hand down there, probably not going to be well received for awhile. She has had little interest in sexual contact like that for years for a reason, her reasons mind you, just going for the gold after kissing her won't work and she may become apprehensive of even kissing if you try to put your hand down there more often than not.

[WildChild]

Can you think of this as a flower opening? It takes time.
You have both been deprived and it isn't all on just you. For whatever reason she wasn't open about she needed and how can you do what you don't know?
Leave that behind.
This is the time for both of you to rediscover each other. Now that she knows that you truly want to share pleasure with her and are open to hear what she says and willing to make changes and learn new things, she should be more able to communicate and so should you.
If you want to beat yourself up for a day or two, OK. Get it out of your system. Then let that go and move forward.

[Guest]

I'll try anything to make sure this kind of thing never happens again. I want so badly to please her on her timetable and at her pace. At least I'm making progress with her and trying to understand her. I doubt I would have carried out the phone sex thing or gone after the teacher anyway. Not my style and why bring someone else into a mess, right? Seems like a low thing to do now that I know that she at least does care about me. I'd just give anything to get those years back, but it isn't possible. But the future can be a different story.
Thank you to everyone who has put up with me. It's nice to know people will help a dumb old man figure out you wonderful women.
Thank you, might be around here from time to time, might be able to help someone out about men? Ok, we're very basic- sex, food, sleep, repeat!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have ruined her sex life for 6-8 years

No hun, Communication breakdown did that on "both" parts, two people....

I like WC's thought pattern, like a budding flower, take your time, slowly...

Best wishes, I am glad that there is a future to work with....

CW

[oxy-moron]

MarkT
Get yourself some massage butter -shea butter or coconut oil based and use body massage as the start of your foreplay- take half an hour to work up to the sex. (Or sometimes without the sex) Make her wait for it. Slow gentle massage - maximise body contact. Get her to provide feedback on the massage- what feels good? This will hopefully flow through to feedback during sex.

[Guest]

The lines of communication are open now and things are getting better. She and I had 2 cold beers each and she wanted to take ME upstairs. I told her I'd love to, but I wanted to take things slow and do this thing right. She grabbed me and gave me the kiss I've longed for so long. I've got such a special woman, I just never wanted to let her go and I didn't want to leave her and my son. Things are looking up!
Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen for listening to me and putting up with me.

[Guest]

I would have very much liked to make love with her and reconnect with her. But I don't want to do it too soon and lose everything I've gained. I want her to really, truly want me without the alcohol. She's been rubbing my back more in the kitchen. I'm the family cook and she used to come pinch my butt or rub my back(which I Love). She hasn't done any of that in at least 6 years until last night. This is very nice. God knows I'd love to make love with her, and for her to enjoy it Soo much. I want everything to happen naturally on her terms.

[Guest]

Isn't this place great?

BTW - It's not your fault... If "you ruined her sex life for 6 - 8 years", what did she do to yours?

Remember the old line...."It takes two to tango" ? Well?

Stop looking back and only look ahead. The light at the end of your tunnel without sex isn't a frieght train headed in your direction afterall, it's the bright light of your beautiful wife that you get the opportunity to re-discover...lucky devil !!

The last several years haven't been the way you had hoped they would be, at least sexually, but they're over..done..history!

Go forward my friend...there is a beautiful woman waiting/wanting to pinch your butt tonight when you're working at the stove.

I am glad to hear that things are moving in a positive direction.

[Guest]

Thanks S_A! This place is Great! I love to talk with women and guys that I can get advice from about women. Being your typical Redneck- I need a Lot of Advice. Now- being a Redneck isn't all bad and all of us Rednecks aren't judgmental about sexual orientation. Some of us, like me, could care less about that and just plain need help with the women in our lives. Again, Thank you All!
I'm not the "typical" Redneck, I guess I'm more like an outdoors kinda Cowboy type, I reckon- Just a little rough around the edges and very basic. (I'm a typical Neandrathal(sp) I guess