[need a female perspective]

I read , really read a post.

I for me , need you to tell me about the last relationship, which made you get into that chair and look, so I personally can answer further.

CW

I will have to think about how much information I want to give publicly, this is after all "the internet".

I'll go out today and come back to answer your question. Perhaps it is good that we started off confrontaional, that often provides answers.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sweet, I'm a nice person read my signature

Sure go and think... Remember though yes it is the internet but remember your name like mine, nothing, no one knows you, you want answers, we have questions to give those answers what do you have therefore to lose?

I can see you are a knight... fill us in.

Welcome to the Forum...

CW

[Guest]

Don't let her know you found it and forget about the video- Just get to know her and let the past be the past. I hate it when men have sex with several women and he's labeled a stud but when a woman does, she's labeled a . Why can't she be a stud as well?
I'd let it go and just get to know the real woman. Men have a thing about women who have several partners and men are treated different for the same act, it's stupid in my book. Just my opinion though. It seems that she is past it and you should respect her privacy about the past. We all have demons in our closet and we all hate to have them thrown up in our face. But like I said, That's just my opinion. I call it like I see it~

[Trying Hard]

Have you considered the possibility that her mother
gave birth to triplets that were separated at birth
and that she has sisters she's not even aware of?
It could be one of those on the video...

[Hopeless Dork]

Have you considered the possibility that her mother
gave birth to triplets that were separated at birth
and that she has sisters she's not even aware of?
It could be one of those on the video...

Or maybe her father slept with some other woman and had a daughter that looks just like her... a cousin, etc... there is a lot of room for plausible deniability.

I think you should just let it go. The only reason to confront it would be if the tape BOTHERED you and you wanted to end the relationship upon confirmation it is really her. THEN and only then would I see a need to ask her about it.

Since you stated you want to be with her, whether or not this is her. I'd advise to let it go. If you hadn't clicked that specific link ... you'd be none the wiser. So why not just let it go. You've had sex before. Maybe you didn't tape it. Maybe it didn't make it out to the net.... but you've done what she's done in that video.

Most people have. In fact, for every human being you see walking on this earth... 2 people did the exact same thing in order to create those 7+billion people... so thats billions people doing EXACTLY what she did on that tape. Its really not that big of a deal.

[virgo man]

Porn is passed around on the internet, uploaded, downloaded, saved, shared, sold, given away free, and viewed by the millions. Once something is on the internet... there is no getting rid of it. No matter how many sites are forced to remove something, hundreds others can pop up with it...

I don’t have anything to contribute directly to this discussion but I do want to comment on the above paragraph. I disagree with it slightly. Things on the net do fade gradually and I’m sure that even porn does too. When I was quite a bit younger I had a fairly popular web site about a rather foolish and immature topic. Nothing pornographic or offensive but still something I wish I hadn’t been involved with. I was imprudent enough to use my real name. For many years I worried that a potential employer would Google my name and see what an idiotic thing I had been involved with. I’m almost 50 now and I recently Googled my name and there’s no reference to that past web site. Finally its faded.

I mention this because it was a useful lesson to me and perhaps it will be to others as well. I think life has built into it a measure of forgiveness. Many of one’s indiscretions do, thankfully, fade away. The memory of events fade and/or their significance to us becomes fainter and disappears. It may take a very long time - 10, 20 or 30 years - but we don’t usually have to bear the full consequences of our mistakes. Or of things done to us. That, to me, is proof that the Lord is there.

Virgo

[Hopeless Dork]

Oh I absolutely agree that it will fade... and I'm sure her name wasn't used so its not even searchable by that... with the billions of pounds of porn on the internet... theres just no way -- unless she ran for govenor or something that anyone would ever even care to attempt to find porn on her... which is why my first post was one of complete disbelief that someone just so happened to find some unnamed amateur porn video of someone they were dating. The odds are so astronomically against that happening.

There are millions of nameless images of porn and videos that all the people look a like and different at the same time ... its needle in a barnyard full of hay material for certain.

[GoodGuy]

I am not a troll, and I did not spend hours looking for her. I typed in amateur and country, and there were 10 videos. Which makes it more of an issue, if it would be burried under a mountain of new porn, no problem. Considering not much porn from that country is posted, she has to know.

What did you use as a search engine. Google produces massive results regardless of smaller countries. I can't see how this is better than even barely possible. Don't tell me the country name if you're spooked by us finding her, but what search site did you use?

[Texasred]

Keep in m ind that you are not the Internet Police, and you're not Batman: you have no obligation to tell this woman anything about something you found on-line. This conversation with her can only go from bad to ugly. Maybe it's not her, or maybe both her and the girl in the video have identical moles, tattoos, and birthmarks - it doesn't matter.
For one thing, there's not a thing she can do about that video. If it bothers you that there's a porn video of her out there, well, either get over it, or stop seeing her.

[need a female perspective]

let's take a break

Thank you everyone for your many reactions. I am a internet forum-virgin, and the many reactions have been overwhelming.

The thread has taken a rather personal turn, so I would like to continue in a way that is comfortable for me.

I only feel comfortable discusing private matters with a few people, and would therefore request that from here on, only people who have already posted on this thread can continue to do so (that means no new posters). I apreciate that my decision is a little ironic, given that I started this by talking about someone else's private affairs. That's the problem when private affairs become public, suddenly everyone has an opinion. Living in fear that a dirty secret may come out, is not a way to live. But the poster who spoke of a measure of forgiveness is certainly right, except for the fact that there is nothing to forgive. She didn't do anything unusual, it just got caught on tape by a not nice person.

My concern is not whether my telling her will get in the way of us being together. My concern is whether my telling her will be positive or negative for her recovery of broken trust.

I understand everyone has an opinion, and agree that it is an interesting topic for discussion. I therefor suggest that any posters whose attention has been grabbed by this thread and would like to talk about online sex-video-etiquete in generic terms should start a seperate thread so as not to contaminate the two topics.

p.s. I do really apreciate the concern everyone has shown, and also apreciate the healthy suspicion. It's one thing to have blind faith, it's another thing to walk with your hands in front of your eyes.