[Guest]

I may be a guy, but I too am controlled by my wife. I hate it, she only wants it when she is horny, what about my horny? No, I have to take care of that and I'm sick of it. I don't like the control on either side. When one is horny, the other should be sympathetic to the others needs. Unfortunately, some feel the need to control others instead of being there for them. I fulfill her needs, but she could care less about mine, so I too know the feeling of being someones tool. As soon as she gets off, she's done whether I am or not. She doesn't give bj's or handjobs- that's, "My Problem to Deal With!"

It seems we are wrongly paired. I would have been excited had I been gifted with a man like you. You sound highly considerate and caring. She must really be a very happy wife to have someone who cares. People have different desires, motives, different chemistries, contrasting genetic shares and different mental bends. People choose their spouses out of some motives. The primary motive is the sexual appeal. But unfortunately the initial sexual appeal will not go on and the chemistry of love gets despoiled at the end of the day. What is more, despite our moral or social taboos we are subconsciously see something green on the other side manifestly and unmanifestly. Honestly I have dream of having sex with other boys even if in the days I was content sexually with my husband. I have asked some of my close chums they have the same experiences. Some women here on the forum think I have been straying. And want to have sex with other local boys. I do not agree at the back of my mind the desire is there. I often fantasize even in the time my husband is making love to me, someone fondling my boobs. It is immoral and I know very well and I grew up in that strict culture but the desire never could be wiped out.

[diplodocus]

Thanks for all the advice. I like the idea of having sex while on my period as it really is the horniest I get, I have discussed it with him but he shivers n says just the thought of touching/going anywhere near that part while it's bleeding is the biggest turn off! I was like um...should the fact that you get to please me not excite you? I mean I like the bj, as said before, because I like turning him on. But I dont think he can get over the exaggerated thoughts he has about periods. So I guess that's out. n he doesnt like condoms, so that's out too. And I forget my pill once in a while. Like sat coz I was drunk, n when I do that he won't have sex with me coz he says we have to wait at least seven days!!

Sometimes he will rub me with my clothes on then wait til I'm just horny enough to start touching him, then he stops and basically we both concentrate on getting him off. Usually even during normal sex I get the sense he concentrates more on him. Until recently a mate of his told him that he should do more stuff to me to get me going just to make the sex better. I didn't really think I was being controlled until I read what wanton and markT said =/ now im kinda worried? I don't want that to happen! Do you think that's whats really going on? I mean usually whenever he feels horny we always do something that gets him off. But when I'm not really in the mood then he "convinces" me to have sex or whatever (then it's kind of bad) or when I really want it and he's not in the mood then it's like, meh! And he actually says (sometimes) "just go have a shower or go to the toilet an finish yourself off"

I think I'm going to start denying him sex or at least bjs when I really don't want to. I try sometimes to say no, but he's already hard and he gives me the whole puppy dog eyes and I just give in! Maybe he's taken it for granted, and by denying him I'll make him appreciate it again??

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't think you should use Mark, or Wanton as examples of what your relationship is or could be. To me they seem to be having entirely different issues than the way you are feeling when you are on your period.

The minute you start plotting revenge, ie, well 'even if i want to do this, i'm not gonna just to make him suffer' 'just to make him appreciate' 'just to make him sorry' -- your relationship will have problems. You shouldn't have to manipulate, play games to get him to understand how you are feeling. Talk to him before you create new problems to mount on the ones you already feel you have.

[Texinator]

him being turned off by me in any way shape or form

You know that's not going to happen.

[WildChild]

Many men have no problem with a menstruating woman but the fear and revulsion goes back quite a ways. The bible tells men not to even sit where a menstruating woman has sat (or lay in the same bed) and prohibits sex during that time, the muslims are taught that women are unclean when menstruating, cannot pray during menstruation and are deficient in their faith because of it, pretty all the male god belief systems teach something along these lines.

This fear goes back to the concept that a woman has special power. If a man bleeds continuously for days, he is seriously ill or dying and yet women bleed and are healthy. Women can change their bodies dramatically and birth a baby and then in a short time return to their former physical state. At one time this was celebrated but that has not been the case for several thousand years. Menstruation and pregnancy have been turned into a curse and illness. They have become a justification for limiting women and unfortunately women have accepted it.

You have several problems to deal with, communication is one, his attitudes toward women and sex are another, his self focused, peniscentric thinking is another and his selfishness is yet another.
Are you willing to spend a lifetime pleasing his penis without reciprocation? That is what you are setting up for. Revenge, getting even, have nothing to do with it. Reciprocation and mutual love and care for each other (rather than for his penis) are what you need to establish.

[Chas]

I may be a guy, but I too am controlled by my wife. I hate it, she only wants it when she is horny, what about my horny? No, I have to take care of that and I'm sick of it. I don't like the control on either side. When one is horny, the other should be sympathetic to the others needs. Unfortunately, some feel the need to control others instead of being there for them. I fulfill her needs, but she could care less about mine, so I too know the feeling of being someones tool. As soon as she gets off, she's done whether I am or not. She doesn't give bj's or handjobs- that's, "My Problem to Deal With!"

Ouch! I have a very good friend whose wife announced after their last child was born that she no longer wanted to have sex. His "need" for sex was his problem. Surprisingly, they're still married (he doesn't want to be separated from his kids).

I am fortunate in that my wife will always give me sex when I'm in the mood. Sometimes it's just that she's laying there, barely awake, while I take care of business, but at least she never refuses. I do appreciate that.

Thanks for all the advice. I like the idea of having sex while on my period as it really is the horniest I get, I have discussed it with him but he shivers n says just the thought of touching/going anywhere near that part while it's bleeding is the biggest turn off!

This may just be a maturity thing. I've found that different things have turned me on as I've grown older. When I was young I viewed period sex as out of bounds, just as I viewed sucking on her nipples while she lactating as out of bounds. Then, with our last child getting her milk to flow during sex was suddenly a big turn on to me. I wish I had discovered it earlier. The same with period sex. As I got older, the idea of having sex during her period became more of a turn on, maybe because we had both viewed it as forbidden earlier. She really gets turned on when I go down on her, probably for the same reason.

[LanaBear]

This may just be a maturity thing. I've found that different things have turned me on as I've grown older. When I was young I viewed period sex as out of bounds, just as I viewed sucking on her nipples while she lactating as out of bounds. Then, with our last child getting her milk to flow during sex was suddenly a big turn on to me. I wish I had discovered it earlier. The same with period sex. As I got older, the idea of having sex during her period became more of a turn on, maybe because we had both viewed it as forbidden earlier. She really gets turned on when I go down on her, probably for the same reason.

Completely agree on the maturity thing on both cases you mentioned.

Period sex, though, I could take it or leave it. As long as I can hop in the shower real quick on the heavy days, I'm fine. Sometimes I'd rather just have other forms of sex when I'm on my period. Just depends.

[caterpillar79]

OP, You can do it in the shower so it washes away, too. If he's too selfish to do that for you, that's another. BUt like WC and HD said, revenge or retaliation, doing things out of spite is not getting you anywhere. Find the root - cause. Why do you feel like a tool when giving him a bj during your period? Is it because it's not reciprocated? How does he fair when you do not have a period? Is he romantic? Does he touch you and make you feel special/cherished? There must be something he is doing or not doing that adds up to how you feel aside from the time you give bj's during your period. It's all interconnected. Find that out and get back with us.

[diplodocus]

I spoke with him today a little about the fact that it's changed a bit when he wants sex and I don't like it that much. He said that he didn't realize he was doing that to me that he was just letting the urges he had take over and that he was just getting really excited and not paying too much attention to the fact that I was being left out. So I guess that means he just didn't know? I didn't feel that comfortable talking to him about before but after you all were telling me it's better I did thanks!

Although definitely the no sex on my period is out! Definitely no touching me down there while I'm on it but he said he would try to focus more on other things he might be able to do, but nothing that would give me releif (if anything would make me more frustrated, not being able to orgasm and all) Not that that's whats it's all about, but you get my point?

I agree the whole taking revenge thing is not something that should be done if I want a good healthy relationship with him.

Normally sex and everything else, like spending time together and what ever else, is really good. He normally is such a romantic and he was starting to get into pleasing me more during sex. This all started dying down a bit over the last few weeks ( about two months) though... But I don't know what to say to him to ask if there's any specific reason or whatever? I get the feeling sometimes it's coz he's not that attracted to me anymore? Or if I'm doing something wrong during sex that doesn't make him want to do it as much or not let me have much control over it you know? I mean before he would want me to control the sex a bit but now not so much and it's also over pretty quickly too...

Might sound shallow but do you think bad sex means that you have a bad relationship or that he's just not that in to you as much anymore?
(now I sound really insecure and pathetic)

[Texinator]

he shivers n says just the thought of touching/going anywhere near that part while it's bleeding is the biggest turn off!

...and how old is he exactly?