[ItsASecret]

I think what is or isn't kinky is a very individual decision. Like everyone else has mentioned, what I may deem kinky and what somebody else may deem kinky are probably two totally different things. Just like what is or isn't normal, it is very individual. I don't think anal sex is kinky, it is just normal to me. Others may think anal sex is kinky. Again, getting my butt spanked during sex, normal, somebody else it may be kinky, etc. It could go on and on.

Exactly, and this subjective part is exactly the problem with asking the question "are you kinky?" lol. In order for someone to say that something is kinky there needs to be some sort of common ground be it in act or response to an act in order to consider it as kinky vs. another sexual act. If everything was normal then the word kinky would not be needed, something needs to define kinky even if some individuals find certain things normal. Maybe if we consider majority standpoint there can be the figuring out of what is kinky vs. non-kinky and from there people could potentially consider themselves kinky based on how majority generally view the act(s). In that I would have to agree with RC in that others, meaning majority, would be surprised or disturbed by it. That shocked "why?!?!" response or "okay ummm whatever floats your boat", the act can still be normal to a certain another individual but if majority response is shock then maybe it is then that something is considered kinky.

[Stillness]

Yeah, what's kinky can't be individual preference. It's by definition deviant and unconventional. So we'd have to look at broader opinion - cultural, religious, legal, etc. Take sex on the beach: A couple is in a secluded area at night enjoying the moon and stars and they make love. Most wouldn't consider that kinky, even if it might be adventerous. Now let's say the same couple have sex in broad daylight at when the beach is crowded on "family day" because they get off on shocking others and being watched. That would be deviant, therefore kinky.

When I think of kinky, I think of typically non-sexual or harmful things being incorporated into sexuality. It could be bad like the people on the beach or some lady could just find toothbrushes erotic for some bizarre reason.

[Nholland]

I'm kinky as far as I like anything he wants to do w me. Videos, porn, toys etc. But will never share or have threesomes or go to a swingers party or like strip clubs. My swinger friend thinks I'ma prude cuz of this but whatever.. Theres no right or wrong in relationships just being on the same page. So it doesn't matter as long as u and him are happy and on the same Page, IMO

[rcoreyus]

Stillneess - I'd also include things that are sexual, but that some part of the society would consider shocking. Dressing up in tight leather and carrying a riding crop is sexual - but also something that a lot of people would think of as kinky. I'd say the same for dressing up as police officer, or a catholic school girl, or or whatever happens to float someone's boat. I'd also put most bondage, S&M, dominance, etc in the "kinky" category.

BTW: by my definition, there is nothing at all wrong with "kinky", its just not something you might want your inlaws to get wind of..

[Stillness]

I'd agree that that stuff is kinky. There's nothing inherently sexual about any of it, though. Think about it. The leather may be tight and the school uniform revealing. But leather and uniforms in and of themselves, no. Pain is definitely not inherently sexual.

Also, some of those fantasies have become so cliche in our culture that they're almost not even that kinky anymore. People are so much more open to wide expression of sexuality that you've got to get real kinky to be kinky nowadays. How many people would really be shocked if they found out one of their friends or relatives dressed up for their spouse? They'd probably say, "You go girl!" or something.

[DreamP346]

I'd agree that that stuff is kinky. There's nothing inherently sexual about any of it, though. Think about it. The leather may be tight and the school uniform revealing. But leather and uniforms in and of themselves, no. Pain is definitely not inherently sexual.

What is sexual is a matter of opinion. There are cultures that find kissing disgusting and non sexual. But for most of us, French kissing can be very erotic. Same applies to people who find things that are non mainstream sexy. Additionally, the body interprets pain differently when aroused. Therefore things that are usually painful may be considered sexual when aroused. It is all an individual interpretation.

[Stillness]

Hey sp346, very interesting. Can you talk more about the pain? I've wondered about that. Does it not hurt? Hurt less? Feel good? What do you mean by "considered sexual?"

It's funny that you mention kissing since my wife and I were just talking about an incident during our college days where an African student asked one of our schoolmates to share a kiss with him because where he was from they didn't kiss. I remember thinking it was a slick line at the time, but later found out that what he said and what you're now saying is true.

And I don't think we're disagreeing so much as using different terms. The kiss is kinky to the Africans because of the culture. In Western/Asian society it's popularly considered erotic, so it's not kinky. I don't deny that pain can be arousing to some, just that it's erotic use is considered somewhat bizzare to mainstream society. I still don't think it's inherently sexual even if it somehow enhances sex. I may be splitting hairs, but I'm making a distiction between "sexual" and "sexy." As a side note: I often find myself with a bad cramp in my leg right after climaxing that I know must be there beforehand that I'm just not feeling.

[ItsASecret]

Can you talk more about the pain? I've wondered about that. Does it not hurt? Hurt less? Feel good?

It is actually quite simple, pain releases endorphins which act to minimize pain. As well endorphins can simply make you feel good (they are also released during exercise which is why people can get that "high") hence why pain can be pleasurable for some people. The other factor is that typically when pain is involved in a sexual manner it involve dominating, 'torture', "you are my slave" type stuff and that that alone can arouse people so combine endorphins with already present arousal and you have individuals who can enjoy pain in a sexual manner. Others just experience pain during painful acts and hate it though so they do not even remotely experience a pleasurable sensation.

[Stillness]

Yeah, I know the rush from exercise, but it's not a sexual. If the combination enhances sex I guess I could see it. It's weird, but I see it.

[rcoreyus]

I saw a study somewhere where they scanned the brains of women who stimulated themselves to orgasm. The response of the brain looked very similar to the response to pain. (from a less fun test). The 2 seem to be somehow connected - at least in some people.