[chaya]

For about 6 months now I haven't been unable to get sexually aroused. Sex with my husband gives me no pleasure and sometimes considerable pain. I have tried everything I can think of to regain my libido but nothing has worked. Masturbation don't work for me (it never has), doctors and therapists didn't help. I even tried watching porn but it just disgusted me.
I still have sex with my husband when he wants it, as his wife I consider it my duty but I dread it. Since I don't get wet anymore I have to use artificial lubricant.

I'm on spring break from school and 2 women that I go to school with invited me over to dinner. They are both exchange students from Japan so we have become good friends. I knew they were gay and lived together. I went alone because my husband didn't want to go. To get to the point, I ended up in bed with them. I have never considered myself gay but it just happened and I was curious to find out if I could get aroused. I let them go through the whole routine but it left me cold. After a while I started feeling guilty about it and excused myself and went home. Since it happened I am feeling more and more like I cheated on my husband. I even considered telling him but I can't decide what to say.

[barrera]

sounds like a tricky situation. prior to these events did your husband know about your inability to experience pleasure with him?

[Ashlee T.]

In my opinion, yes, it's absolutely cheating. Doesn't matter whether male nor female, when you share that kind of physical (or emotional) intimacy with someone other than your husband you are cheating on him. And you feel guilty, because you KNOW it's cheating.

[ItsASecret]

Honestly that would be cheating, you went outside your marriage for sexual pleasure. Not being able to become aroused does not negate the fact that you still allowed for the situation to occur.

[BabyGirl]

I agree with BD, it is cheating. Whether you climaxed or enjoyed it or not with these 2 girls, you had "sex" with them. Kissing, Touching, Oral whether Given or Accepting any type of Sex with anyone other than your SO/ Hubby is Cheating.

So now you have to decide what to do ? Maybe take a good look at your Marriage, Why you Married him. You say it's your "Duty " to have sex with him, even if it is painful to you. That is a choice you make, but you can have non painful sex with him, by orally satisfying him and he orally satisfying you, or even hand jobs or a mixture. Penal Penetration, is just one way of having sex.

Ask yourself, if you could never be Penetrated again, say a Dr. said No to actual Intercourse, can you see yourself still Married to him, 5 years from now ? Is there the Strength in your Marriage that is non Sexual, that would hold you together.
Chaya, are you Happy with him in all the other aspects of the Marriage ?

How do you think he will react if you did tell him ? Even if it was with women, Will he feel that he was Cheated on, that you claim to have pain having sex with him ( which I'm sure is truth) and yet you would attempt to have sex with someone else. In his mind, would you try another man, to see if it is less painful to you ? Would telling him, be the end of your marriage ?

You have some hard thinking to do honey, decisions to make.Weigh the Pros and Cons, But I think this will eat at you and affect your marriage whether you tell him or not.
And if the marriage ends, you will still have the Pain with Intercourse with any Man you may have in the Future and or Women in the Future should they use "Penis Toys". So you will have to be Honest in any Future Relationship that penetration causes you Pain.

You have to decide if you are going to be Faithful to Him or not and go from there. Your marriage has been a bit Rocky from the beginning and one of your posts in the past..

That is the second time I almost made a bad mistake with a man since I've been married.

The old Neighbor Boy/Man who Kissed you in Hawaii, now coupled with the Lesbians, shows some doubt as to the Strength of your Love for Hubby.

Time for some very deep soul searching.. I wish you luck with this and hope you can come to a decision.

[jns]

Chaya, I also consider it cheating, but I know you are trying to find you way back to a higher libido that you hope will reinvigorate the relationship between your husband and you. I looked back on your posts as far as I could go and found a completely different you at that time.

Are you still a vegetarian? Could that be part of the reason you have a low libido. Some people think eating meat makes people aggressive. Or could your vegetarian diet be lacking certain nutrients?

What is the relationship between your MIL, your husband and you? It was strained before. Has it gotten worse?

Does your husband try to get you emotionally and physically excited by foreplay? Before you were a self starter, but now you are not. Has he stepped up any?

It does not surprise me at all that you didn't get turned on with other women. You don't seem to roll that way. I would think you would get the same effect if it was a guy instead.

Has your medical training taught you to look too clinically at people instead of being able to let go for your husband?

[Nholland]

My boyfriend would consider it cheating but everyones different not all guys do' u needto talk to him. I'd understand y u wouldn't want to confess so mabel bring it up to see how he reacts? Maybe it'll be okay?

[Hopeless Dork]

The definition of cheating varies between couples. But the lines should be defined early on in a relationship through conversations, reading partners reactions to others etc... one should have a pretty good idea of how their partner feels about interactions between others and what crosses the lines into the cheating zone.

If you havent worked that out, you might want to start having those conversations so that you can get a good idea of what you would need to avoid in order to not compromise his trust, or yours etc.

[Guest]

C'mon Chaya, you've been around here long enough. You know it's cheating.

No more need be said.

[Jimbeau]

I'll say this is pretty low down the scale of infidelity. It's much less serious than developing an emotional relationship with someone else. I'd put it in the category of experimentation or your going to a counselor without telling me first.