[Olympia]

If that was the cause, why don't I get turned on by my husband any more? I'm beginning to think it's because he is so big that when I'm not aroused he causes me so much pain I'm afraid of him. I've talked to him about doing more "foreplay" but he dismissed it as perversion. The most foreplay I ever get is a few minutes of hugging/kissing then he's ready for penetration.

Have you talked this over with him (not just about the foreplay)? Communication, respect, honesty, understanding, and tenderness/love, are vital to a marriage.

[ItsASecret]

Ovulation does not cause feelings of cheating, cheating is done by choice. Ovulation may make you more 'horny' or think about sex more but that does not mean it can result in cheating...cheating is and always will be a matter of conscious decision.

Not being turned on by your husband can easily be caused by the fear of pain. Pain is not something you can simply ignore. What happens is a conditioned response to 'clam up' so to speak when sex happens because it equates pain. Since you associate the pain with having sex with him that is all you can think of when he touches you or when you look at him. The only way to avoid that conditioning is to extinguish it by allowing the situation (sex) to occur without the pain present until you are back to the previous state of the touches feeling good and the sex pleasurable, in other words your husband would have to understand that the foreplay is necessary for the pain to not be present. Only you know your husband's behavior, you will need to talk to him in a manner that you know he would understand. You need to explain that you want to enjoy sex but the fear of being in pain is not something that should happen so you need his help to make it pleasurable again.

[jns]

Chaya, it seemed to me that your pursuit of forbidden relationships was at times all consuming, but I think BG's description of ROCD fits better. If there is an organic reason for your actions, religion will usually not make enough of a difference to dissuade you from following through on your intended actions.

On your husband, if he was very religious and believed that sex was for procreation only, he would not have sex with you knowing you cannot have a child. Therefore he is having sex for recreation. If he is having it for recreation, he should want you to enjoy it too, unless he is selfish. I believe he was taught that genitals are dirty. That is something that he will have to overcome in his mind. Even if he doesn't want to give you oral, he can still learn to use his hands to get you excited. But he has to want to do this.

[chaya]

My oldest sister called last night. She told me my younger sister was pregnant. She is the one with bipolar disorder. She won't tell anyone who the father is and wants to have the baby and put it up for adoption.

My sister told me that I should take the baby and raise it as my own. She knows I can't have children and said this was an opportunity too good to pass up. I told her I would think about it. Under different circumstances, I would have jumped at the chance but with all the problems I am having and the possibility I might get divorced, I can't decide. Maybe my husband wouldn't want to do it anyway. If I did take the baby and later got divorced I would be a single mom because I know I would never remarry.

[BabyGirl]

While adopting your niece or nephew as your own,is admirable and also solves your " childless " problems. I think you need to fix some other more urgent problems. Your Marriage, needs to come first.
A Baby will not fix the Marriage, but Fixing the Marriage will give the baby a Happy and Healthy and Stable Home.

From what I can gather, counting from last years posts, you baby sister is about 15 now, since she was 14 when she broke her leg on that Hike last year. If she is planning on Adopting her child out, I'm not so sure that to you & Hubby is the best thing, since your marriage is unstable.

You yourself mentioned possible Divorce and being a Single Mother. Is that in the best interest of the Child ? You haven't finished school, you have no Job of your own, should you & Hubby Split. Can you fix your marriage in the 6 or 7 months, before this child is born ? Those are just a few things to think about hun.

Also Legal Adoption is costly, you & Hubby will be Screened as you can't just give your baby to someone without legal documentation. Though keeping it in the Family would be something to be considered. What about 3-5 years down the road, is your lil Sister going to be OK, emotionally, when she matures a bit and realizes she will always be " Auntie " to her own Child ?

You can do a Legal Guardianship of the Baby, where you can raise it and be responsible for it, which would not be an actual Adoption, but then Lil Sis can one day, petition for her Child back to her Custody. Are you willing to emotionally go through that possibility ?

Not to mention, should you & Hubby fix things between you, Gather together your Love and Strengths for making a safe and happy home, even MIL might be excited to have a Grandchild and lighten up on you. There will be an issue as to what religion, the child will be raised in. With you & Hubby at opposite ends on that, that is something you both need to decide, before Adopting or having Guardianship, of this (or any Child ).

While your Heart may Yearn for this Child, The Child's Best Interest should be the Foremost in everyone's minds. It can be a Happy ending for all , Chaya, But you & Hubby have allot of hard work to do, in order to make this " Dream " come true.

Fix your Marriage, Fix your Sex Life, fix your Religious differences. Insure your Education and Ability to support this Child, should hubby be hurt in the line of Duty or something else happen between you, or even to you, with your health issues.
Vow to be only unto each other, No Cheating, No Violence, No Blame,No Negative, Building a Home that is Happy and a good place to Raise a Child. As a Mother and Father, joined together, that the Child is a Product of Love ( no matter who had the Sex to Create it ). That it is Loved and Protected, until it itself, spreads it's own wings into the world.

So very much to think about and Decide here Chaya..

[chaya]

So very much to think about and Decide here Chaya..

This morning I went to bed at 5 AM to try and get some sleep before going to school. There was so much to think about my head was reeling and I starting crying uncontrollable. My husband asked me what was wrong so I told him everything, all that I posted here about my feelings and fears about my sister's pregnancy, everything. We talked (and cuddled) for 2 hours until he had to go to work. He wanted to stay with me but had to go. I called school and told them I had a family emergency and couldn't come in, there was a progress test I'll be missing and had to be excused so I can make it up later.

I've stayed in bed most of the time but I still can't sleep. There's too much going around in my head. I added it up and I've slept about 10 hours since last Friday. I'm certainly not in any condition to make impotent decisions.

[BabyGirl]

Chaya

You have been here awhile.

Some work in diff time zones , I am on West Coast time. Or Pacific Time, just up the North Coast in Wa state.

There are times I read only Parts of your posts and I am Guilty of "reacting " to only those parts.

I'm certainly not in any condition to make impotent decisions.

Is the Impotent part on you or Hubby ?
Or did you mean Important Part ?

If you feel safe, ask hubby & older sister , younger sister and Fathers in Law or Grammarian's Grandparent's, and MIL's To Join in Discussion.

[Olympia]

Chaya,

I am glad to hear you are communicating with your husband. But the stress you are under needs released. To carry so much guilt, fear and pain... Arghhh!
Take this mornings talk with your husband as a positive. And, try to realize that you have taken the first step forward. Let the other things that have popped up wait. As my grandmother would say, " Young lady, You are not taffy" One can only be pulled and pushed so far and so much... (gotta love those
ol' wise one's)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chaya do you feel you can re-connect to your husband more? Do you think you can "never lie to him?".

You are working yourself up off course the less sleep you have, the less chance you have of thinking clearly.

[BabyGirl]

Lol * Taffy,

My Gram also said things like that.

Mine was " Don't Ya get all Sassy with me ". Smart mouthed or the Buck up.

The ( home made ) Taffy was being Pulled apart, Twisted and then Hardened, But... Salt Water Taffy is best .

I Miss my Gram.. lots.