[jinxcat]

I have been married 7 years , my wife says she is unattracted to me because she caught me up one night looking at animal porn. I dont always do this I was just surfing around and she walked in on my browsing of a video 5 years ago , ever since then she was in contact with a man from another country , and they have got more then close to the point were we were going to get a devorce , we decided to work it out or so I though. come to find out she has been talking to him late nights and sending him sexual videos. now caught for the 2nd time I am lost. here are some questions with explantions with them.

1. she tells me when we have sex that all she can think of is me masterbating to animal porn. ( how can I fix this)
2. In her videos she is really hot and horny and smiling and doing crazy thing such as sticking her fingers in her butt. when she is with me , no matter how romantic I try to be she frowns or looks upset and refuses to try anything such as anal. ( how can I fix this?)
3. She cant and has no plans to be with this other internet person, but I seem to catch her chatting with him.
4. is this worth saving or trying to fix ?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Please seek help of a professional.

We can't help you here...

Apart from sounding "trollish" if you have these desires, then that's your first step nothing to do with your wife.

CW

[jinxcat]

It was 5 years ago, I don't have any kind of problem like that. I opened myself and asked for advice and I got " your a nut, stop trolling". I will not be back to this fourm as you don't help people with problems you just call them trolls like 12year olds in some aol chatroom.

[Little]

We generally shy away from giving advice on situations that involve illegal sexual proclivities. Bestiality is illegal in most places, and even making or distributing bestiality porn is outlawed in many places as well.

That's because the act is taboo, generally frowned upon, and to many people unforgivable - you have run into this situation with your wife. After five years, she's still throwing this at you. Five years! Either it is so upsetting to her that it can't be saved, or she's using it as an excuse to point the finger of blame at you for her own feelings. If you want to save your marriage, you really need to crack the code.

[jns]

It was 5 years ago, I don't have any kind of problem like that. I opened myself and asked for advice and I got " your a nut, stop trolling". I will not be back to this fourm as you don't help people with problems you just call them trolls like 12year olds in some aol chatroom.

CW's first line in reply was how you can help your situation. I don't believe there is any requirement on this forum to be accepting of all situations equally. Nor all wording of the situations. "sounding trollish" is not the same as declaring you a troll or a nut.

Sometimes, when you ring a bell, it is very hard to unring it in someone else's mind. You did not say if you had foresworn bestiality. I would say that your actions have created a split in your marriage that is unlikely to be repairable. Not everything can be "fixed". Move on and find someone accepting of your desires and fantasies (which may include cruelty to animals due to them not being able to consent).

[Ashlee T.]

While I find things like beastiality deplorable and entirely despicable.............. I'm putting myself in her shoes and wondering why she didn't divorce you then? And when she realized 1...2...3...4...5 years later that she can't get past it, why hasn't she left? What's keeping her there? While in one breath it seems like she just doesn't love you, doesn't care at all about the marriage.......on the other hand, WHY is she still there?

Often times if a woman knows her husband is sneaking around watching internet porn and masturbating, it seriously SERIOUSLY affects her desire for him. This makes many women feel that they must not be enough for their man. It makes them feel that he is disloyal, that he has found a cheating loophole that allows him in his mind to continuously cheat with lots and lots of women, without actually touching her. It often makes her feel that she is not special in any way. That she shares you with porn stars. That every new thing you want to try with her is something you saw them do while you were pleasing yourself to them. For many women...it's sickening, betrayal, unattractive, etc. Most likely, if your wife knew you were looking at porn to begin with, she hated it. Then when she found you doing what you were doing as you described in your post, that was far beyond anything she expected. She has lost respect for you. Can she get it back? I don't know. In this particular situation, if it were me, I couldn't.

I think it's time to ask her flat out, "Do you want to save our marriage?". If she says no, then it's time to file for a divorce. If she says yes, then you two need to seek marriage counseling immediately and set the ground rules for a healthy happy relationship. If she says "I don't know", tell her she has a certain amount of time to decide. This is your life too. Regardless of what you've done you don't deserve to be with someone who cheats on you, anymore than she deserves to be with anyone who cheats on her. You both deserve to be with people who love you, cherish you, and respect you.

[Stillness]

I will not be back to this fourm as you don't help people with problems you just call them trolls like 12year olds in some aol chatroom.

Ouch. As someone that has looked at some pretty crazy stuff AND as a guy who's wife found out he was watching pornography, you have my sympathy.

I don't know if you're still around, but if you are, I think one of the concepts we have to get is that, in general, women view pornography different than us. Beautiful Disaster's comment encapsulates the typical view of a woman. It hurts them and they feel betrayed. I think as men, we can more easily separate the relationship with our wives from viewing other women without an internal conflict. This is especially true if our wives aren't satisfying us.

At the same time, my wife said something to me years ago about our relationship that makes part of me not want to be with her sexually. So, I do understand your wife too. I just do my best to try to push it out of my head. It is always there though. I can imagine that if it was something extremely repulsive to me, it could destroy our sex life.

I don't know all the details, but I would definitely say you can save your marriage if you're both willing. As others have said, it would take some communication and understanding on both sides. In my case my wife didn't catch me in the act and it wasn't anything extreme. It could have easily happened though, and I think mine would have responded very much like yours based on the end-of-the-world-like response just finding out that I watched it got from her. In my case, I was watching it because I wasn't getting enough. Was that the case for you? Were you completely honest about why you were looking at pornography? It sounds like you have had some discussion about this.

If you don't want to interact with the community here (which I would perfectly understand based on your initial reception), there are a lot of accounts here from all sorts of people here that may give you some insight into what others are going through. You may see things from a woman's perspective that your wife may feel, but not be able to communicate. Use the search feature. I wish you well.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Stillness, initial reception ..... clearly was my opinion, seek professional help.

I do not have a problem with porn, you are wrong.

I DO have a problem with hurting animals and I DO feel strongly that anyone that goes in that directions needs to seek professional help.

My answer may not have been how to keep his wife, directly as, as far as I am concerned the only way to keep his wife is to try to get her past what she found out, but more importantly for her to trust it would never happen again and how does that occur? The OP seeks help as to why he was interested to start with, in watching bestiality, we are not talking any porn.

In addition :-
Little

We generally shy away from giving advice on situations that involve illegal sexual proclivities

.

[Ashlee T.]

Beautiful Disaster's comment encapsulates the typical view of a woman

For what it's worth, it encapsulates the view of a "typical man" too. I have yet to date ANY man that was totally cool with me watching porn and using toys outside of his presence. I take that back, one man, ever, was okay with it. They all "say" they are okay with that kind of thing, but when it really comes down to it... not so much. It, most often, results in jealousy. "Why would she do that when she can have me?" ..."does she prefer her toy to me?". Matter of fact, the last guy I dated had ED issues resulting from his overactive masturbation and porn habits. When I asked him would he feel ok if the situation was reversed he said "No...honestly...if I thought you were sitting here looking at guys with big ____'s after I left at night, I'd be bothered by it". It's not a gender issue. It's a personal issue based on individual circumstance.

In this case, perhaps his wife has no issue with porn. Perhaps she only takes issue with animal porn or extreme things like that. Who knows. Either way, the poster was not attacked in any way shape or form. It is QUITE common on forums like these for troll posters to post bizarre things to get readers all stirred up. CW didn't call him a troll...she said the post sounded trollish. Any of us here with experience on this forums would agree. Sometimes when we suspect troll we're correct, sometimes we're not.

which I would perfectly understand based on your initial reception

I would suggest developing a thicker skin then. New poster, posts about beastiality, an experienced admin questions him to find out if the post is legit or not. We prefer our members not have their time wasted by trolls, so we try to determine when that is the case. If that causes someone to leave, so be it.

And again, for what it's worth,

[Honda Dude]

Wow, I would try my hardest to work it out, although that is some bizarre circumstances on both you and your wife. I agree with the other posts, professional help is needed in this situation. Good luck and keep us posted.