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Is my wife masturbating when she thinks I'm asleep?

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  • I noticed my wife masturbating in bed next to me the other night when she thought I was asleep. While it was after midnight and thus fully dark, it was not pitch black because we have a small amount of ambient light from outside lighting through the curtains and blinds, and fortunately for me she sleeps closet to the window so I was able to make out her silhouette. As a result, I could see her playing with her nipples, but it was too dark to see any flesh. She was covered in sheets, comforter and blanket so I could not see the rest of the activity, but I could see the faint movement under the covers when she moved her hand and hips. She runs a fan in the room as white noise, so I couldn't hear any heavy breathing or moaning, besides my heart was beating like a big bass drum.

    Naturally, I wanted to join in, but laid still and let her finish and go to sleep. I debated whether to ask her about it in the morning since I had never been aware of this in the past. However, a few hours later I noticed her masturbating again. When she was done, I asked her if she enjoyed it. She initially tried to play coy with me, but admitted she had masturbated and claimed it was the first time she has done it while I was in the same bed, at the same time saying it helps her to go to sleep. However, she denied doing it twice in the same night. I also noticed recently that she goes to bed a few nights a week without underwear, which is something she has never done in all the years we have been married. Ironically, I first noticed this a few nights after I had walked in suspecting she was masturbating and reached under the covers to find her naked. I believe she has started occasionally wearing loose bottoms with no underwear for easy and quiet access, just in case I walked in she would still be wearing clothes, thus could deny masturbating. I'm definitely joining in next time!! However, I suspect she will just go to the guest room like she did last night.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Sad-dad View Post
      How are things progressing now? I read through all of this as my situation is similar in a way... However different in others. I'm in my late 20's and have been married for 2 years. My wife and I only have sex about twice a month. I do know however that she masturbates sometimes when I'm not home. She has told me a couple of times, and other times are just educated guesses based on her behaviour. She says she doesnt have any sex drive anymore and basically only has sex with me because she feels guilty if she doesn't.
      All of this has really affected my sense of self-worth. I feel completely rejected. If I was much older I would sort of expect our sex life to be so depressing, but we are only in our late 20's. In saying that, I don't expect the world. I think 2-4 times a week would be great!
      Any advice is appreciated.
      I'm guessing you two have children?
      "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

      Comment


      • JON, just ask her to wake you up next time so you can masturbate over her masturbating, that really isn't too much to ask.
        "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

        Comment


        • Originally posted by buddhaboy View Post
          I'm guessing you two have children?
          Yes, we have a couple of kids... Do you have a similar situation?

          Comment


          • Silent masturbation is like cold fusion. If you think you've achieved it, your probably doing something wrong. Just an FYI

            Comment


            • It seems that more and more threads are surfacing of abnormal sexual behaviours emerging during sleep or alleged sleep. While we may think this type of behaviour is funny, in reality it can be disturbing, annoying, embarrassing and a potentially serious problem for the individuals and couples going through it. Despite their awareness of what is going on, many sufferers often delay seeking help or even admitting that it is happening at all, either because they don't know that it's a medical disorder or for fear that others will instead judge it as wilful behaviour.

              Studies have found that both men and women reported experiencing an orgasm in about four percent of their sexual dreams. Orgasms were described as being experienced by another dream character in four percent of the women's sexual dreams, but in none of the male dream reports. Sexual intercourse or indeed masturbation was the most common type of sexual dream content, followed by sexual propositions, kissing, fantasies and mutual masturbation. Regardless of how unusual or violent the behaviour, patients had no memory of the events the next morning but often only the secretions of their own masturbatory effects which to be fair then can become an embarrassment that we learn to live with.

              It only becomes more embarrassing when we/they are found doing it and have no recollection.

              Comment


              • I hope you have resolved this already considering you posted so long ago, but I just wanted to add my two cents in case anyone ever comes here for advice... I'm a woman. I have a husband of eight years. We have a decent sex life, when we have sex it's great we just don't have it that often bc we are still trying to kick our three year old out of our bed and we are busy and tired etc. well I'm pregnant again and during pregnancy my hormones go cr***zzy. I have sex on the brain literally all of the time. During these times and occasionally when I'm not pregnant I prefer masturbation over sex. My husband satisfied me sexually and I'm pretty happy in that department but when you're in control it's just better. It is a different experience than sex with a partner. Sometimes women, just like men, need to just release without all the hubbub of love making. I however need visual simulation so I watch classy erotic porn to stimulate me. Your wife is lucky she doesn't need that and can just be alone and feel good with her body. All that being said it is still a very private thing. My husband knows I do it and has even bought me toys probably in hopes of using them with me but whenever he asks me about it I get all weird feeling, it's like my thing and I don't want to discuss it. This may be for several reasons. Maybe your wife is trying to keep it a sacred experience or maybe she is protecting you from feelings that you can't provide for her sexually, whatever the case leave her be. It's not bad to have your own private rituals as long as you are not hurting each other. And in fact it sounds like you have a decent sex life so maybe this helps keep her in the mood to provide for your needs. Happy love making!

                Comment


                • You wrote my story almost exactly

                  You wrote my story. Almost identical in every way. Except: My wife has started to tell me she's not interested. Then she (similar to you) gets annoyed because I haven't yet gone to sleep. Then she masturbates with an extremely quite vibrator. She has a fan I build her from an old PC power supply that creates noise she uses to sleep by. So it's really hard to distinguish the vibrator on the lowest setting and she thinks I can't hear it. She has orgasm after orgasm, all night long. I only noticed this a couple of weeks ago, but I suspect it has gone on longer.

                  At first, it turned me on immensely. And I would touch her and she'd jump up saying something like "HUH?". I'd be convinced she's asleep. I pretended to be asleep for a few hours this morning and she masturbated maybe 60 times. Some of the times she could keep the volume down but sometimes she would moan, make high-pitched noises, etc.

                  We had a huge fight this morning when I confronted her. I had dozed off for a couple of minutes (and I had also asked her about it a few hours before so I believe she suspected I was watching her). She got extremely defensive and looked at me with an anger and hatred I've never seen before.

                  She's 10 years older than me. So we're 48 and 58. I'm a relatively good-looking guy, and can't understand why she's not interested or how to get her to come clean.

                  Thanks

                  Comment


                  • I have the same thing happening to me. My gf masterbates all night jsut about..literally nonstop. I did some reasearch confronted her which she denied it...Even videoed her. I am convinsed she is asleep while she does it. In my reasearch I found that a lot of men and women masterbate in their sleep. They dont even know they are doing it. I have learned to ignore it. I tryed to join in and help one time and she woke up wondering y I was touching her while she was sleep. She didnt believe that she was doing it herself so I gave up on trying to help her out lol. Your wife probly cant help what she is doing and I know its hard but you are gona have to learn to ignore it. once u two talk about it and figure out for sure if she is sleep when she does it, it will be easier to cope with.

                    Comment


                    • WOW. I googled "wife bed dream masturbating" and landed here never expecting to even get a hit. So when I read this first post I couldn't believe someone else had written my story to a T. I should know by now that with 7B people in the world even the freakiest of storytellers is'nt going to be alone. But I'm human and prone to thinking "I'm crazy" or "it's just my imagination". Well my story is long on issues so I won't bore anyone with all of it. The most important parts are this: I'm in my early 50's and my wife of 16yrs is late 40's. I've been kicking a porn habit for the past year after completing a Valiant Man course (Christian help group). Wife and I have struggled through her hysterectomy and endometriosis surgerys over the past 4yrs. "Endo" can be a debilitating disease, unfortunately underdiagnosed and misunderstood by even the best medical providers. Gals reading this 1 in 10 of you have it so if you have or have had painful periods, painful sex, PCOS, or trouble conceiving ask your providers until they say something other than retrograde menstruation. That's the clue that they are up to present day knowledge of the fact that excision is the only cure. Now to what brought me here. For the first 3 of the last 5yrs we had no sex. It was just to painful for her. So we would joke about my taking care of myself which could be as much as 3-4x's a week. In the last year we've been able to have sex on a schedule of about twice a month. She being a modest woman, we don't share a bathroom and she's never even passed gas in my presence, it takes her all day to mentally and physicaly prepare for sex. Due to her extensive surgical history and also haaving interstitial cystitus (a painful bladder condition) sex itself isn't painful anymore but it's aftereffects are for the next 3-4 days. So spontanaeity (sp?) is out the window and I'm at her mercy for relief of my sexual tension. Which is very high these days as I'm really trying to be good about saving myself for her and being tempted by all the sirens out there. My suspicions started just after Christmas when my wife wore to bed a somewhat slinky sleepwear set I had gotten her. Normally our go-to-sleep routine is where she watches tv or her ipad for a awhile and i read for a few minutes and then turn off my light, kiss her, roll over facing away from her and promptly go to sleep in just a few minutes. But on this night i wanted to see how really slinky that top looked on her so instead of rolling over I layed with my head on the pillow gazing at how beautifully the fabric clung to curvature of her breasts and showed off her always erect nipples. And thus fell asleep wo rolling over. And so started my feigning (sp?) sleep to enjoy this view for a little while before rolling over. Except one night I didn't promptly fall asleep after rolling over and by God thought I was hearing things that weren't consistent with my expectations. The heavy breathing I heard got my heart beating and i got what I can only describe as a hot flash as my testosterone soaked brain said she's having a big O! Naw, couldn't be, she's watching a dance school prgm about teenagers. but I couldn't get it out of my head. And it hurt. I of sound body and 10 sec erections when I want them was being forsaken for what? I resolved to encounter proof. But over the next few days could only hear faintly longer and deeper breathing after rolling over so I stayed "awake" longer until she turned off the light and went to sleep. But then an even weirder thing happened when I stayed awake long enough to ensure she was asleep before I got up to pee, the bed started vibrating like she was masturbating. But i knew she was asleep cuz I leaned up on one elbow to see if I could tell what was moving or vibrating or what and heard the same heavy long breaths I had heard earlier. Totally dumbfounded I asked her about it the next morning and she at first was indignant and then humored by the suggestion that she was getting off having the consequences of orgasms due to her conditions physically. So her only plausable explanation was that she was itchy the past few days down there. To myself I said Ha, I'll just need more proof. So the next night I stayed up until she was "asleep" and when the bed was in full motion reached out and put my hand on her hip to feel the leg or arm or bucking that I was sure was going on and felt yeah, just about nothing until she pushed my hand away and said "what the hell are you doing" since I had obviously woken her up. So I'm saying WTF? I've given up catching her. I'm only losing sleep which is in short supply since she wakes me up 2-3x's a night now that I'm tuned into the goings on. We're now looking at twin beds on a king frame so i can sleep since when asked asked about all this movement she doesn't have a clue and I know she's asleep. I am however not letting the time awake and all those movements alone. I'm still convinced there's some there there that we can resolve. I can appriciate what an earlier post had to say about why a woman would want to have "her time" wo all the drama of getting prepared. But since I'm told now for weeks that it's just not a good time, my back hurts and my bladder's acting up and I haven't pooped in days, I'm gonna need some more explaining. Thanks again to all of you who have given me hope and confirmed the inconceivable.

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