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Is my wife masturbating when she thinks I'm asleep?

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  • elcapitan, what does this mean?

    Originally posted by elcapitan View Post
    So the next night I stayed up until she was "asleep" and when the bed was in full motion reached out and put my hand on her hip to feel the leg or arm or bucking that I was sure was going on and felt yeah, just about nothing until she pushed my hand away
    Particularly the "just about nothing" that you felt. Does that mean you felt that she was doing nothing? Are you suspicious, but can't confirm? Or are you sure? I often find these experiences odd for two reasons. 1. There seems to be doubt on both ends. 2. The wife can't be caught.

    Some months ago when I read an experience like yours I commented that my own wishfulness, the darkness, and probably sleepiness has played games on my mind to make me think my wife was taking her clothes off getting ready for sex. I can hear and feel (and even sorta see) her sitting up, raising her legs and rear and sliding off her clothes for some nighttime fun when absolutely none of that is going on. I always wonder if some of that is what's happening in a lot of these cases.

    I know that complex actions are possible for some when they sleep. People sleepwalk and even sleep-drive. Typically they're difficult to wake up in that state though. The wives often seem to be immediately alert when the husbands gently touch them in the masturbatory sessions like yours I read about here. For most people the brain shuts down the ability to move when they dream. I know this because I deal with it on a quite regular basis when I am semi-awake and can't move. (It's crazy because I can actually call out to my wife to wake me up by touching me or responding to me. Incidentally I see and feel things that aren't there.)

    It seems to me that an action like masturbation would be remembered, easy to catch, and easy to identify, especially as vigorously as some describe. How can the bed be "in full motion" yet what's going on is not confirmable?
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Originally posted by gracieloui View Post
      Even videoed her.
      What did she say when you showed her the recording? Did she admit to it?
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

      Comment


      • My husband and I have sex about twice a month but It's FANTASTIC every time.
        He works long hours and our kids take a lot out of us. He often falls asleep while sitting in the living after the kids are in bed. I don't fault him one bit for being too tired. He is an excellent provider. He is also the sole bread winner.
        I am not always fulfilled by our routine. Which is why I usually masturbate 1 or 2 times a week. Usually while he is asleep right next to me.
        I try to be as quiet and still as I can so he doesn't catch me but I would never lie to him if he asked me about it.
        I bet he is also masturbating sometimes. Like others have said, sometimes you're just too tired to roll in the sack for an hour.

        My opinion: don't take it personally if your wife is not willing to admit that she is masturbating. It's embarassing to us. I think if anyone in a marriage is being denied sex on a regular basis but then finds out that the spouse is masturbating instead, then there is something wrong there. That's the issue to tackle.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
          What did she say when you showed her the recording? Did she admit to it?
          I'd like to know the outcome of this.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • I was told almost two years ago that I have been masturbating at night. I have no recollection of it, and I have gone as far as making gloves with sand paper on the, gloves with hair brush bristles in the finger tips and tying my hands to the top of the bed so I couldnt reach past my shoulders. At no point has any of these woken me up, or causes chafing to my genitalia as I had hoped. This has become a huge horrible issue in my life. My partner insists that I am awake, because my eyes ate open. I have been to one sleep clinic, they diagnosed me with sleep apnea and wanted to sell me a CPAP. I am not doing it intentionally, I have no memory of it, and I would definitely not continue this, as it has caused so much trouble in my relationship. I have hope, Im working on getting into another sleep study, where I have to be monitored by people watching me, something got to give. Im not saying some of these women arent really doing it on purpose, but maybe some arent, please dont make them feel like me. Im not lying, I just want it to stop! This is going to end my relationship, he is so upset by this. I am trying to see it from his point of view, and it would for sure injure my pride if he were doing it. Im at my wits end. Does anyone have real advice?

            Comment


            • Welcome to WH! Please give us more details about your relationship related to why you think it would end due to unconscious masturbation.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • Wow im having same situation except mine might be alot worse..ive seen him and he denies it! Says he cant help what he dreams but how can anybody be dreaming when the person raises head as if looking to see if you still awame or not and the thing you said about facing your partner...oh boy i know that all too well!!!! As soon as he knows im awake he will turn over...matter of fact in that situation as we speak! Lime he just turned his head to me then turned it back but shaking his head cause im still awake....oh im messing up his plans....oh well and appartlly he doesnt understand or care how it makes me feel that he does this and lie right to my face about it!!#

                Comment


                • Partlycouldy,

                  Who cares if she masturbates while she thinks you're sleeping? I've never cared if women masturbated with me awake and aware of her activity of if I was sleeping. I've never discouraged women from masturbating. In fact, I've encouraged women to masturbate. Women know how to get themselves off. If they want to masturbate, I'm good.

                  However, if she masturbates rather than doing you, that would be a problem. You gotta be prepared for truth. She might tell you that you don't know how to get her off. If that's the case, let her teach you. If she doesn't want to have sex with you for another reason, that could be a huge problem.

                  I've bought sex toys for women. My last g/f told me right after we began dating that she had never used sex toys. I believed her because her ex-husband was clueless about sex. I bought her a small vibrator. From there, it grew to a sizable collection that includes anal plugs. She loves 'em. Sometimes I'll use them on her. Sometimes she'll use them on herself. Sometimes she'll sit in front of me giving me an unobstructed view of her working herself. However, her preferred method of orgasm is tongue music on her clit. She has MASSIVE orgasms with a vibrator working inside of her vajayjay, an anal plug in place, and my tongue playing rock & roll on her clit. But if she wants to do herself, I'm good. She has told me that she has wished that she had known about pleasure of sex toys long before I had introduced them to her.

                  My ex is authentic bedroom porn star. I have video of her working herself with vibrators.

                  Try surprising her with a vibrator. It might result in a lot of excitement.

                  Comment


                  • My wife's whole attitude toward sex seems to have changed at some time in maybe the last 8 months, and the reason has been a mystery to me, but I'm wondering now if it's because she caught me in the act? I was showering one morning when she walked in unexpectedly; I stopped immediately and she didn't say anything but I know she noticed my state. When I stepped out of the shower a couple minutes later (having given up!), she came back into the bathroom, walked up to me and fondled me lightly and said we could go back to bed "if there's something you need." She was just accommodating a need, and i don't think we were in bed more than 5 minutes, but I did tell her later how much I appreciated it!
                    But my whole point is that we have been having much more frequent sex ever since about that time. Sometimes "good" emotionally satisfying sex, but sometimes just providing a service to one or the other of us.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Texasred View Post
                      I'm wondering now if it's because she caught me in the act?
                      is that the first time she ever caught you?

                      Comment

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