Is my wife masturbating when she thinks I'm asleep?

[partlycloudy]

Hi, everyone. I'm new here. I've read through a few threads (which I think show off the smarts and supportive nature of this community) in the hope of finding some relief, but I'm still losing sleep (and feeling sick to my stomach).

I think my wife might be masturbating at night when she thinks I'm asleep. I'm 41 and she's 44. I hate to use the word "confront" to describe the way I recently brought it up, but I have to admit that no matter how I try to broach subjects like this, she feels that it's a confrontation, or that I'm accusing her of something. I try very hard to avoid this, but I think I am failing at it. Talking about her own masturbation (which she claims almost never to do) makes her uncomfortable. So I get right away that she might be feeling defensive.

At any rate, I asked her about it and she denied it. In fact, she sort of laughed at me for even thinking such a thing.

To back up a little, we had a conversation a couple of months ago about masturbating in bed. It's something that I'll occasionally do openly in bed at night if we don't have sex (I tend to have a stronger libido than she--or at least we've agreed that that is the case). She said she doesn't mind that I do this and is in fact encouraging of it. (I still feel a little embarrassed about it, but...oh well.) I told her in this conversation a couple of months ago that if ever she were awake while I was doing it, I'd be more than happy for her to join in, or to simply "be with me" while I masturbate. She agreed readily. (She's very generous about trying to meet my sexual needs.) I also added that she should feel free to masturbate, too, in bed at night, since I know she doesn't have a lot of free time between her full-time job and our seven-year-old daughter and other stuff. I told her it was a huge turn-on for me to see her masturbate and that I also like hearing her tell stories about when she masturbates. (She's usually very reluctant, however, to share these.) She nodded agreeably at this but didn't seem terribly interested, so I let it go. We'll masturbate in front of each other sometimes as a part of sex, and this seems to go okay, though it takes her much longer to climax, than with any other kind of sex. Her private masturbation is definitely not something she likes to talk about. So, okay. That's cool.

Last summer I started developing these little fantasies that she was masturbating in bed next to me. Sometimes it'd be a sound or a movement--the air conditioner whispering the way a limb does when it moves under the sheets, for instance, or the actual kick of a leg (she occasionally has periodic limb movements as she's falling asleep). I say "fantasies" because that's all they seemed to turn out to be. I couldn't ever tell, and it always seemed that, in the end, she was asleep. A couple of times I'd get so turned on, though, that I'd masturbate, which I guess I did without her noticing (or at least responding). Then this all kind of faded away.

The last couple of weeks, though, something is definitely up. I'm a very light sleeper and will even wake sometimes if the cover sheet shifts over my bare skin. She's a very heavy sleeper who doesn't usually move around all that much. Lately, though, she's been awake in the middle of the night. A LOT. And very, um, restless.

She's also been making a lot of comments about her being awake while I'm asleep, which is unusual. (I think she thinks I'm asleep more than I am--usually I'm trying to GET to sleep and, either way, I'm extremely easy to wake.)

Anyway, at first I started listening, my heart beating, hard, way up in my throat, trying to distinguish between pleasuring and the settling sounds of her legs. I can't even begin to describe the excitement and the turn-on I was feeling (was that the sound of her gathering saliva at the tips of her fingers and shifting her hand under the sheets?). At the same time, I was trying very hard to not let my imagination run away with me, because I didn't want to be up all night with all sorts of sexual energy. I told myself I crazy for keeping myself up listening, when I have such a hard time getting enough sleep as it is. Plus I guess I didn't think she'd do it because she wouldn't want to risk my waking up and catching her. Still, I'd lie very still and try not to "interrupt."

One night, though, I turned over to maybe get a glimpse of her and I found her on her stomach, with her arms under her, which didn't seem like a very useful position for masturbating. "Okay, she's just sleeping," I told myself. I settled my head on my pillow. But then she pulled her arms out, lifted her head, and said, impatiently, "You're still awake!?" She sounded annoyed and I was thinking to myself, "What? We both know I have a hard time sleeping!" The next morning, I asked her about it ("What was that about" I said), and she laughed sheepishly and shrugged and said, "I don't know."

On subsequent nights I noticed that I would only hear noises and feel movements when I faced away from her. As soon as I turned over to face her, everything would stop. If I let my imagination run free, I'd even think I heard her pajama bottoms' or her panties' waistband snap against her skin as she jerked her hand out. "But you're just being crazy," I told myself. "Stop being so obsessive and try to get some sleep." I even thought one night that I heard her squeeze some lubricant out of the pump bottle we keep on the headboard shelf. Or maybe I was hoping she had.

One night there was a lot of activity that didn't seem to resolve in any way. Again, I told myself to stop imagining things, but I was so turned on that I wanted to masturbate, myself. I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I uncovered myself all the way and masturbated in full view, without hiding any sound or movement--thinking that I'd show her that it was okay, it was nothing that had to be hidden. (Such hubris!) She was very quiet during this, as if asleep. And then as soon as I finished, cooled down, and rolled over to face away from her, all her activity started over again. After a while, it felt as if she was spreading her legs and lifting her hips into the air. This was accompanied by the sound of vigorous stroking that seemed like--what else!--an orgasmic frenzy. I thought my heart was going to explode and my mouth got all dry. This ended her activity for the night. After a while she turned over and shifted in her pillows. The sun was coming up. I got so turned on again that after a while I reached over to touch her. I guess I was expecting her to be more wet inside than she was, so I didn't feel like I could tell, positively, whether or not she'd masturbated. I brought her to a vaginal orgasm with my fingers and then she reached for me, but I directed her hand back on herself while I masturbated.

After we finished I asked her if she'd been masturbating and she said yes. But it turned out that she meant what she was doing when I placed her own hand between her legs. I asked her if she knew that I'd masturbated (I meant earlier that night). Again, she referred to what we'd just done. I asked her if she'd been masturbating in bed lately, and she laughed. No, she said. What about that vigorous stroking? I asked. Oh, she said, she'd just shaved her bikini line that day and was scratching an itch. Okay, I said, but what about the lubricant? Oh, she said, I probably mistook that for my glass of water at first--they're close together. Okay, I thought, I'm imagining things. I told her that it was of course okay if she was masturbating. I was in fact turned on by the idea of it. I find her incredibly attractive and I love it when she has pleasure. I just told her that I'd probably want to to be reminded every once in a while that I was doing/being everything she needed from us sexually (or helped to understand how I can make anything better). Again the not-entirely-interested-in-pursuing-this-conversation nod. "I'm not masturbating in bed at night," she reiterated, "unless I'm doing it in my sleep." We both agreed that this was pretty unlikely. And I do feel that it is, given how she's so aware of my own movements and so confident of our sleeping statuses at any given time.

I'm feeling lately, though, that I don't believe her when she denies it.

On vacation last week, we slept on a very bouncy mattress in a beach house and I swear she was up almost half the time doing SOMEthing. And then stopping when I rolled over to face her or to get up and use the bathroom. I was getting hardly any sleep (and she was claiming not to, as well). After sex one afternoon, I jokingly asked her again about it, and she shook her head and laughed.

Then last night, the same kind of thing. A bunch of activity. Complaints/comments about my being awake. My lying absolutely still for well more than an hour, my arm fallen asleep under the pillow, while her "restlessness" shivers the bed; imagining that I hear her pulling her pajamas and underpants down, that I hear her bring the lubricant bottle under the sheets with her; my heart pounding now in a way that feels more like stress than excitement; no longer sure how to bring this up or what to do, except to say, "Hey, whatever you're doing at night is keeping me awake." Feeling less turned on than resentful. And then feeling bad for feeling that way.

Whereas before I really wanted her to be masturbating in bed, thinking I was asleep, now I hope she's not. Because that'll mean she's continuing to lie to me, even if I do understand her reluctance to talk about certain things. But if she's not, then it'll also mean that I'm obsessive and crazy. (This, I guess, is your cue to chuckle at the escalation of obsession and crazy that is this post.)

I feel like I check in regularly about our sex life: Are there things she'd like to try? Fantasies she'd like to play out? Ways to shake things up? Is she happy? etc. She has a vibrator, but she doesn't seem to use it very often. Never any substantive reply beyond "everything's fine." I worry sometimes because my libido is stronger than hers and so the focus is often more on me and my needs, but when I check in with her, she says it's fine--she's happy with the way things are. If she's not, I don't know how I'll ever know.

When we got together twelve years ago, she struggled with having orgasms of any kind. Now she has them every single time I go down on her, and her vaginal orgasms (mostly achieved manually) are absolute gushers--they make basketball-sized wet spots on the sheets. I try to be attentive to her stated need for occasional nonsexual intimate contact between us, but, you know, other than that, I'm not really sure what else to do when I can't get any information out of her.

This is where I (lamely) complain about being brought up to be open and honest, sensitive and communicative in relationships and how I feel like it's kind of actually not working for me.

I know that masturbation's tough, that most of us are made to feel bad about it when we're little (especially when we're, like my wife, [ex]Catholic) and that it's a lot to overcome. I also get it that people have varying privacy needs, and I try to respect hers (though it's my sense that she does not always feel that I do). The problem is that I'm just not the sort of person who feels comfortable always having to be the only forthright, open, honest party in the relationship, the one with the needs, the one who knows less about what's going on. It's that old "power resides with the one with the least interest" sort of thing, I guess. And I'm definitely not comfortable with being lied to, not after I've worked like crazy to achieve what I thought was a healthy, open sex life with someone who struggled with her sexuality for many, many years. I try to give her a break, I really do, but maybe I'm not? Or not enough?

I want so badly to avoid being a jerk about this.

I need to maintain a sense of trust in what my wife tells me in order to feel comfortable in the ways that my own sexuality makes me vulnerable.

I don't want to be obsessive and crazy.

And I need sleep--way more sleep.

Of course, I haven't verified or proven that anything AT ALL is going on. So I could be crazy. It could all be in my head.

Is this all in my head?

Thanks in advance for any and all help.

[DreamP346]

Women, just like men, had wet dreams. Just like men have about 4 erections per night, so do women. It just could be that your wife is masturbating in her sleep. Don't drive yourself crazy if your sex life isn't impacted by this. Enjoy the fact that your wife is becoming more comfortable with masturbating. Now when you feel like masturbating in the middle of the night, you might even have a show/sounds to get your excited. Thats a good thing. Not something to be worried about.

[ItsASecret]

If you want to trust your wife then trust your wife. She says she is not so you will have to believe that unless you actually wake up in the middle of the night and actually watch her do these things, or she states that she is. Either way I believe you are getting way too involved in this. If you are losing sleep over thinking, possibly wishing and hoping that she is masturbating at night then that has gone quite far into the issue. Movement of the bed does not mean she is masturbating, hearing her bones crack or a snort at night does not mean it is a movement from her arm moving just masturbation or a gasp for air from an orgasm. It can simply be the simple things, she moved you felt her move and that is it. You repeatedly say that you want it to be true (until the part about the lieing) so you will be looking for reasons to think that it is happening....such as the lube bottle opening, or the vibration of the bed etc. It is like the bump in the night, a person tends to jump right to the thing they think it is (a monster in a child's case, maybe ghosts or an intruder in an adults-not necessarily good things just what they imagine first) instead of taking a step back and realizing that it is just the branch on the window or the creek of the old floors.

All you can really do is ask her what is up in the middle of the night and base it off of her answer. Not sure how you can approach the issue of you not wanting to be lied to as from what it sounds like she would be upset or feel confronted about a topic like that.

[Little]

I don't think that you will get closure on this - if she IS masturbating, you'll never know. And if she's not, you won't be convinced.

I say, enjoy the fantasy. Enjoy how far you've gotten and how hard you've worked on your sexuality. Maybe engage your wife more often when you think she's masturbating, so you can get it over with and go to sleep.

And if you aren't opposed to sleeping pills, you might take a dose when you *really* need the sleep to keep you from obsessing over it.

[Stillness]

I love my wife to sleep naked. She doesn't like to. If she does it's because she wants to be intimate. Many a night I hear her disrobing and feel the motion of the bed to match. She's placed her feet flat against the bed to lift her bottom up slightly and you can't tell me that sound is not panties sliding off. Dude, I know it is. Is she sitting up to take off her shirt now? Oh yes, I think she is. Game time! I reach over and she's got on a thick sweatshirt, disgusting private-blocking pants and has just rolled over in her sleep. I'm hearing with my penis. It used to mess me up. I just ignore it now, kinda like that guy from A Beautiful Mind. I suspect yours may have ears like mine.

At the same time, I know my wife very well, so much that I often know what's going on with her without her saying a word. If you know your wife like that and you think something's up, then maybe it is. Is she generally an honest person? Can you carefully reach over while you think she's doing it to see if she actually is? That may be the only way to confirm and get peace.

[astoriaJ]

I actually am having the same issue.
I was going to write my own post, but PartlyCloudy said all of the things that I was going to say.
There are a few differences though. I'm not married to her though, its my girlfriend next to me in bed.
So I would say for sure that she is doing it. After a night or two, you know the difference between a swallow, a creek, a pop, etc.
The first time it happened to me, I happened to be facing her, with my head sort of down. I happened to wake up to see a little butterfly under the sheets in her hip region. I thought it odd, so I looked up and she got all flustered.
Another time I rolled over and found the same thing, and then she quickly moved her hand away.
I think she also does it in her sleep, which doesn't really bother me, except that it keeps me awake, and wondering if she's awake or asleep. Its the awake times that bug me. The times when she thinks I'm alseep. Its like she's saying, "I'm having a party, and you're not invited."
What also bothers me is that when I ask her about it, she denies it and makes up pretty lame excuses as a cover. In my view, if she's going to do it with me in the bed, its fair game to talk about. When she lies about it, it causes me to lose trust in her, which makes me less interested in pursuing things further.

[ItHappens]

[QUOTE=partlycloudy;313901]
I found this thread because i have had suspisions about the same thing and WOW does your story sound familiar.... but I will give some background.

Below is a post I made on another website....the below story happened around a year ago.

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First, I really dont care if she is/does, whatever. Our sex life is fine and for whatever reason she needs/wants to "play", she is more than welcome to. My only issue is not being honest about it. Additionally, for the sceptic's, this suspecion was not initiated by porn or reading about it elsewhere. I never would have dreamed that if she did (play), it would be at night, while i lay next to her asleep....

I to awoke one night and could swear she was playing with herself. No noticable movement, but her breathing was heavy and she was laying on her back with her knee's up and feet flat on the bed...her legs were not wide spread...but wide enuf for "access". Regardless....no one sleeps like that! (do they?) Anyway, as soon as she suspected I was no longer asleep, she softly called my name (as if to check if I was awake). I just layed still and I no longer noticed anything unusual. After that night, I often tried to pretend to fall asleep (fake snoring and all). She once even told me that she knew I wasn't asleep and ask why I was pretending....I of course denied not truely being asleep. lol

Anyway...I eventually just came out and ask her is she was masturbating at night and she strongly deny's doing any such thing...and says she never does and has no desire to. I simply say okay and move on. However, on many (many) nights I have awoken and suspected her playing but never anything that would allow me to know for certain. However, one night after I lay there, trying to listen for even the slightest bit of evidence to confirm my suspecions, I felt that she had now drifted off to sleep (probably after her laying there waiting for confirmation that I was asleep.), she lay there, slightly on her side (more on her back than side but still facing me), her lower leg bent, and the top leg straight out (a little hard to discribe the position, but she was laying in such a way she had access to her private area). I could tell that her right hand was in the general direction of her privates (and as I said, she seemed to now be alseep) so I decided to try and investigate I took my cell phone and turned on the video recorder and very very slowly slid the phone under the sheets, hoping that i could see if there was anything going on under there. To my surprise, what I found when i watched the video only left more to question...but certainly led me wanting to know (even more) for certain (if she had been masturbating). First, her hand was laying on her pubic mound...not in her panties but on top just above her clit...(in an area like she was waiting for her moment to continue [or begin]). Secondly, the most shocking part was there was a noticible wet spot on her panties!!!! (about the size of a quarter!) So, what's a guy to do? lol...I slowly slid my hand under the covers, trying so hard not to move any part of my body (or the sheets) that wasn't necessary in order to get my hand over her panties. I moved so slowly, it probably took 5-10 minutes to navigate through the sheets and position my hand over her panties. I know you guys will say this is all a bunch of bull, but i swear its the truth. Once I found her panties, with the slightest touch, I very very slowly ran my finger along the seam of her panties until I was "in position". Once there, I very very slowly, started sliding my finger under her panties. And OMG!! she was soaked!!! I couldn't believe it! I was soo turned on, I was actually able to slide my finger all the way in (her love channel) before she woke up!! When she awoke, she was soo angry! Told me to never do that again and I had done that without her permission and told me she wasn't talking any more about it....then told me to go to sleep! The next day I apologized and told her all of the event of that night (before she woke up) and tried to explain why I was playing with her while she was asleep. She again got defensive, said that I was crazy, that she doesn't masturbate, and that I better not ever do that again. I could tell then, there was no way, that she would ever (EVER) admit to anything.

Since then, I have kinda let it go. Felt like my suspensions were confirmed and just let her do her thing (whatever that is). But lately, it's been eating at me as to why she simply wont be honest with me. I know some things are private...but we have been married for 15 years and (I thought) that there were absolutely no secrets between us.

Lastly, for you skeptics...I have a very close (girl) friend that I have known since birth...there is absolutely nothing sexual between us but we tell each other everything...and i do mean everything. When I approaced her with my situation, this is what she told me.....

she does the very same thing maybe 1 or 2 times a month....sometimes she wakes up horny, but mostly she just wants release without sex. She said often times its a convenience thing....she is tired, wanting release without the obligations that go along with sex. She said she takes care of it in a few minutes where sex with her husband may take an hour or more. Also, for sex she said she feels like she needs to be clean, freshly shaven, etc....basically a lot of preperation...where she can take care of her needs in a few minutes without any preperation and no obligation to please anyone but herself.

She also told me my wife will not admit it because (A) its private to her (B) she is possibly embarrassed (C) she feels like I will be hurt that she does it without me.

My friend then told me that I am THE ONLY person she has ever told and if confronted by her husband (or anyone else) she would deny it till her death! She said she can completely relate to my wife and that she will likely never admit it.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, she told me that it has absolutely nothing to do with not being satisfied or happy with her sex life or relationship with her husband! .....I believe her! Made me feel a lot better about it and have simply let it go.

I would suspect that there are a lot of women doing the same thing...there are only two women in my life (other than my mom) and both of them seem to be doing it!

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I posted the above several months ago and although I do occassionally think about it....I no long feel the need to "catch her" or feel like I am being betrayed by her not telling me. However, something happened last night that reminded me of the above post and I wanted to share (I'll try to be brief).

Last night, I went to bed about an hour before my wife (which is unusual). I woke to hear her running her bath water, thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. I woke again when I heard her come out of the bathroom, (never moving) I listen and hear her sliding on her night gown, open her panty drawer, and slide on her panties. She then climbs into bed and (knowing she has woke me up) tells me good night and gives me a kiss. I kiss her (but still never change positions), and she gets comfortable on her side (facing me). I guess I quickly went back to sleep but was waken again when she moved from her side to her back....not sure why, but all these thoughts of her masturbating come flooding back into my head...so I try and continue my breathing and pretend to still be sleeping...simply courious to see if she goes back to sleep or not. I lay still for what seemed like forever, eye's open, watching her, but trying to "sound" like I am asleep. She is laying flat on her back, her right leg bent but with her knee on the bed and her left leg appears to be mostly straight. Both her hands are above the covers, but suddenly her right hand slids under the covers and I hear the undeniable sound of her panties "snaping" against her skin (as if she adjusted them and just let it snap back against her body).....then, her head turns, (awkwardly) so that she is facing me. Still laying on her back, but her head is now turned directly toward me. *I have to assume, watching me, to ensure I am asleep. She laid this way for maybe a couple minutes and then she slowly slid her other hand under the covers, raised her hips and ......TOOK OFF HER PANTIES!!! Although the only light was what little was given by the alarm clock, this action was undeniable! I watched (and listened) as she pulled her panties out from under the covers and tossed them to the end of the bed. My heart was pounding soo hard at this point it was extremely difficult to continue my "asleep breathing". She lay motionless for a while, I think she was no longer 100% for sure I was asleep. She then turned so that she was facing me, laying more on her stomach than side (but not all the way on her stomach). And was closer to me now than before. I become paranoid, and decide she isn't going to continue unless I turn over. So, I turn so that I am facing away from her and try my best to again, pretend to be asleep. After only a few minutes, I hear her change positions again but could no longer see her. I imagine that (by the limited movement) she only turned enough to return to laying on her back. After a few more minutes I feel the sheets being pulled (only) against my lower body. I imagine that she has lifted her leg or legs (assuming for easier access). I can't hear or feel any movement for several minutes and I think to myself...she will never admit it, even if I confront her at this very moment. If I touch her, she will know I've been awake and will only get angry. So, I decide, I will simply, get up and go to the bathroom, and see how she reacts. I quickly pulled the covers back (off of me) and looked over at her. She was indeed on her back, one knee was up, which quickly straightened. She called my name (as if she had been startled) and asked what i was doing....I simply said, "gotta pee". I see her roll over so that her back is facing me and when I return to bed, I know the "session" is over...so off to sleep I go.

So there's my story, but keep in mind. My wife not only denies masturbating at night, she denies ever masturbating! Maybe, she calls it something different than everyone else in the universe. Who knows. But I think this is pretty solid evidence that she has....and does.

[JonDoe]

If you have a healthy sex life and you are both attentive to each other's needs, then what is the problem? If she is frequently rejecting you and taking matters into her own hands, then you have a problem.

My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and for the past 6 years we have only had sex 4 times a year on average. My wife claimed for most of our marriage that she doesn't masturbate, and would never include it in our love making, but I have walked in on her a few times. In fact, I walked in on her last night, after she told me she was exhausted and going to bed. She realized that I had entered the room, jumped up from bed and got dressed. I told her that was incredibly sexy, and I'd like to join in, but she said "Nope, I finished", and picked up a book to read.

I told her that I am 100% supportive of her masturbating, and just the thought of it is a huge turn on for me, but since she never seems to want to have sex, it feels like she is lying and "cheating" me out a healthy relationship. I explained how she will never fully know how much it hurts me, to which she didn't even bother to apologize. She maintains that she only masturbates once every six or eight months, but I know for a fact she maturbated at least twice this week. Again, no big deal, except I am tortured by a sexless marriage (by definition). I want to be much more than the roommate that pays the bills, helps maintain the household, and drives the kids to school and sports. Nice guys finish last.

The few times a year we have sex, she has incredible orgasms, which is what totally baffles me. If she simply had a low libido and/or I wasn't getting the job done, then I'd have an easier time understanding, and would do everything in my power to improve our lovemaking. She is a really tough nut to crack -- it took me 12 years before she was OK with the idea of receiving oral sex, but now she loves it; however, she still refuses to return the favor. Selfish.

She went to see "Magic Mike" with girlfriends tonight. The optimist (aka naive fool) in me is hopeful that she will jump my bones when she gets home, but the realist in me knows **** well she is going to say she is too tired, then go to bed and masturbate.

I'm taking the garage doors off tomorrow to remove any temptations I might have to put a stop to my torture. Not good to joke about such things, but if I don't try to laugh I am likely to have a heart attack or a brain aneurism.

[Melephant]

I would say your wife is masturbating, you don't come across as stupid so i'm sure you know what you're hearing (also, masturbating while lying on your front is very easy, i've done it if there's someone else in the room and i don't want them to know). I do have to be careful here as of course i do not know you or your wife and i could be completely wrong..

Most men seem to love the idea of women masturbating, i've been with a couple of men who have turned into animals when the subject comes up. Before my last relationship, the idea of masturbating for a man mortified me. But my confidence grew and one night while he was just drifting off, i cuddled upto him so he could feel my movements as i masturbated. One time while he was at work i made a very graphic video of myself for him to watch when he returned the next morning. Oh my God, will i bear that in mind for future relationships!!

Anyway, your description of your wife reminds me of myself -or my former self. I have no religious upbringing or anything, but i was very self conscious and always focused (and mostly still do) on pleasing my man ahead of myself. I guess i'm saying she may just be embarrassed..

Have you told her how her masturbating would turn you on? Have you talked about your fantasies together properly, or even told her during sex? This may be something you have to keep trying to get through to her (but not being pushy of course...maybe joke about it or, if she's ok with it, watch some porn involving female masturbation) if you want her to do it that bad. If not, either keep it as a fantasy and accept she will just never openly do it, or admit to doing it, or just get over it and buy some earplugs...

But i think you definitely need to just be straight with her.
All the best

PS, Have you ever just put your hand in between her legs while you'rehearing these noises? She may be doing it so you just dive on her. Sometimes, no matter how bad a woman wants something from a man, she will never tell him cos it kinda takes all the surprise and meaning out of it. Just a thought.

[Sad-dad]

How are things progressing now? I read through all of this as my situation is similar in a way... However different in others. I'm in my late 20's and have been married for 2 years. My wife and I only have sex about twice a month. I do know however that she masturbates sometimes when I'm not home. She has told me a couple of times, and other times are just educated guesses based on her behaviour. She says she doesnt have any sex drive anymore and basically only has sex with me because she feels guilty if she doesn't.
All of this has really affected my sense of self-worth. I feel completely rejected. If I was much older I would sort of expect our sex life to be so depressing, but we are only in our late 20's. In saying that, I don't expect the world. I think 2-4 times a week would be great!
Any advice is appreciated.