[Magnetism]

Please don't read if you're easily disturbed, but I'm curious to know what most men's views are on female sexuality.

All my life, I was taught that males judge you harshly for being sexual. By sexual, I'm not talking about sleeping around with anything that walks. I'm just talking about a woman that sexually fun and has had some experiences. That men didn't want you if you were "used." I have the experiences to prove that what I was taught is true. I was bullied severely by teenage boys in middleschool and highschool for being sexually active. I'm not talking about being called a ****, but having things thrown at me and told to go back to my "*******" country. Even my own ex-boyfriend from years ago said that women who initiate sex are desperate. That I make a joke out of myself when I satisfy my own sexual urges. That everyone thinks I'm a wh*re. That if I have sex with anyone else besides him, I will be the laughingstock of the community.

I was talking to a trusted female friend the other day, and she said how she has had a lot of sex partners. She also said that none of them have degraded her or called her a ****. She even said that the men that she had sex too soon with also didn't judge her for it. This friend is now happily married to a man that knows of her sexual past, and absolutely adores her.

I then got angry that everything I was told in my life was a lie. I also wondered why did I encounter men that were judgmental of me? I've been criticized for liking to perform oral sex. I've been criticized by guys for being attracted to women.Sorry, but you can't erase my attraction to women. It's always going to be there. I've been accused of being the type that will cheat just because I have a high sex drive (I've never cheated), yet it was perfectly okay for men in my culture to cheat. I've been treated like a disease by men in my culture for having pre-marital sex. If you're going to put a woman down for liking sex, it's going to be hard for her to relax with you and enjoy herself.

Can someone please tell me if most men are okay with women being sexual, or are they really that judgmental as the men I've mentioned above? How do you know if a man is open-minded?

I'm contemplating dating women, because I feel like it's too complicated to date men. The bisexual/lesbian dating scene definitely sounds more easy-going when it comes to sex. A lot of the women in that scene are open to exploring their sexuality in a fun and non-pressured way. I love how you get to break the rules by making the first move on a woman, and not worry about being seen "as desperate" or "too forward." I also feel like women might appreciate me more. I do get more compliments from women. I'm just wondering if my friend wasn't put down, maybe there's something wrong with me that men don't like? If men don't like me, then there's no point in dating them.

I would like to be with someone that appreciates a feminine and sensual woman. Someone that I can have fun with. Someone that I don't have to pretend to be someone else. Someone that likes to see me get dolled up. Someone that respects what turns me on and doesn't, and I would like to reciprocate the same. I notice that my sex drive decreases in relationships where I'm not happy.


I don't know if any of this makes sense. Has any other woman experienced this?

[Hugo-B]

Please don't read if you're easily disturbed, but I'm curious to know what most men's views are on female sexuality.

All my life, I was taught that males judge you harshly for being sexual. By sexual, I'm not talking about sleeping around with anything that walks. I'm just talking about a woman that sexually fun and has had some experiences. That men didn't want you if you were "used." I have the experiences to prove that what I was taught is true. I was bullied severely by teenage boys in middleschool and highschool for being sexually active. I'm not talking about being called a ****, but having things thrown at me and told to go back to my "*******" country. Even my own ex-boyfriend from years ago said that women who initiate sex are desperate. That I make a joke out of myself when I satisfy my own sexual urges. That everyone thinks I'm a wh*re. That if I have sex with anyone else besides him, I will be the laughingstock of the community.

I was talking to a trusted female friend the other day, and she said how she has had a lot of sex partners. She also said that none of them have degraded her or called her a ****. She even said that the men that she had sex too soon with also didn't judge her for it. This friend is now happily married to a man that knows of her sexual past, and absolutely adores her.

I then got angry that everything I was told in my life was a lie. I also wondered why did I encounter men that were judgmental of me? I've been criticized for liking to perform oral sex. I've been criticized by guys for being attracted to women.Sorry, but you can't erase my attraction to women. It's always going to be there. I've been accused of being the type that will cheat just because I have a high sex drive (I've never cheated), yet it was perfectly okay for men in my culture to cheat. I've been treated like a disease by men in my culture for having pre-marital sex. If you're going to put a woman down for liking sex, it's going to be hard for her to relax with you and enjoy herself.

Can someone please tell me if most men are okay with women being sexual, or are they really that judgmental as the men I've mentioned above? How do you know if a man is open-minded?

I'm contemplating dating women, because I feel like it's too complicated to date men. The bisexual/lesbian dating scene definitely sounds more easy-going when it comes to sex. A lot of the women in that scene are open to exploring their sexuality in a fun and non-pressured way. I love how you get to break the rules by making the first move on a woman, and not worry about being seen "as desperate" or "too forward." I also feel like women might appreciate me more. I do get more compliments from women. I'm just wondering if my friend wasn't put down, maybe there's something wrong with me that men don't like? If men don't like me, then there's no point in dating them.

I would like to be with someone that appreciates a feminine and sensual woman. Someone that I can have fun with. Someone that I don't have to pretend to be someone else. Someone that likes to see me get dolled up. Someone that respects what turns me on and doesn't, and I would like to reciprocate the same. I notice that my sex drive decreases in relationships where I'm not happy.


I don't know if any of this makes sense. Has any other woman experienced this?

Are you from a Muslim country? You're clearly from a country with a chaste culture and likely a family with strict religious values.

Don't read if you're easily disturbed? Unfortunately you do sound like you've been conditioned to feel guilty about sex, I'm sorry to hear this.

I can tell you one thing, I know plenty of men (myself included) who'd LOVE the company of a bisexual women who likes performing oral sex. I can assure you that the biggest problem you have is that your honesty and relaxed, forward approach to sex INTIMIDATES men. I didn't start having sex until I was 19,I found the girls at school who were open about sex fascinating, whilst being quite intimidating, I never had the courage to ask one out when they flirted with me and was secretly worried that if I did have sex with one I wouldn't be able to please them because I was too (well, completely) inexperienced.

Those boys in middle school who teased you for being sexually active probably all had two things in common with each other: they were virgins, and were envious (because you were pleasing men which weren't them) and intimidated by you. Girls, as we know, develop faster than boys - the experts say it's only physical - but I think they develop faster emotionally, too. A sexually confident man will not feel threatened or intimidated by a sexually experienced women, in fact he'll be grateful she's choosing to share the experience with him. Men who hector and lambast women for doing no more than enjoying sex are the reason women feel they have to lie about their sexual histories.

If you're attracted to girls, good for you, act upon it only when you're good and ready, not before. You are within your rights (literally your legal rights) to be actively bisexual if you choose. Never feel guilty about being a sexual woman with a women's needs.

It sounds more to me like you've been subject to plenty of boys and need to find yourself a man.

Good luck in your search, they are out there!

[Little]

I don't think there was anything disturbing in your post. Usually a "trigger warning" tag means that the post will contain detailed information about a rape, sexual abuse, or self-harming - information that survivors of those situations might want to avoid if it would make them uncomfortable. You may have limited the readers of your thread by using that tag where it wasn't necessary. The ideas you're discussing here are daily items for this forum.

Some folks (male AND female) are going to think that a woman shouldn't engage in sexual behavior, shouldn't enjoy sex, shouldn't initiate ... whatever. That it makes her a this, that, and the other terrible slur that nobody should be called. Sometimes a culture at large will believe this. I don't agree with them, personally. But there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Pretend they're cow piles in a field and step around them. Take it as a boon that they've shown you their bad side so quickly and that you can run away.

People of worth will usually go around believing that other people are also of worth. That means a good man will respect you for the decisions you've made and the things you've done. Good men are out there. They're hard to find.
But as a caveat, I should tell you that good women are also hard to find. And being out of the closest is no cake-walk. Bisexuality will get you more sexual slurs, and faster, than any other label, in my opinion. I suggest you practice the idea of stepping around the cow piles before you start dating women, lest you find yourself covered in them (metaphorically!)

[Hugo-B]

Magnetism, sorry I didn't realize it was you, we were discussing your dates in another thread weren't we?

[Magnetism]

Little-I mentioned trigger warning, because I was about to share a personal experience that triggered me to be hypersexual...but decided to not to.

BuddhaBoy-Yes, I'm from an Indian Hindu family and have lived in America all of my life. My parents were one of the few Indian parents in the 1990's that allowed me to wear skirts and tank tops. In that decade, this was a big deal. In 2012, perhaps times have changed. I'm not that involved with the Indian-American community anymore.

I don't advertise my sexuality when getting to know someone, but eventually it will show. Once it shows, I hope that someone isn't thinking "I would never marry this woman." It's a nightmare to date a man only to find out that you were the "good time girl", and he's off to marry a virgin that mommy approves of. I've seen it happen a lot in Indian society. I'm sure it happens in Western society too.

When I was in middleschool/highschool, I was living in the Southern bible belt. That part of the USA is much more conservative than the rest.

I was once a sexually confident person that didn't care what people thought, but it has been killed for the past 4 years or so. There are times when I feel like I don't know how the outside world is. I think what's best for me is that I need to be with a person that I can trust well enough that won't judge.

When I do think of the people that were putting me down, these people weren't Mr. or Mrs.Popularity either.

My friend I was talking to is from Vietnam, so I don't know if Vietnamese culture is different? She did admit that her love life approach may not work for all women. She has been lucky where she could have sex right away and the man was crazy about her, but I have seen others that don't end up so lucky. I truly feel if I have sex early with an Indian man, there's a high chance that it's not going to look favorable. I did live with another woman that was very promiscuous, but the men she slept with didn't seem interested in her after that.

[rcoreyus]

There is a huge variety between different people and between different cultures. All I can say is that I, and a large number of men, have absolutely no problem with women who enjoy a wide range of sexuality. I think you just need to find a group of friends who are accepting of the way you want to be.

[Magnetism]

The people I hang around with are pretty nice, but they're mostly women. I do have one trusted male friend that doesn't care.

[jns]

Middle School and High School are very clique driven. The guys are generally insecure and will slight someone who moves on from them. The girls can be even more viscous if they think some girl is trying to steal their bf and will get there bf to parrot what they say. In a group they can be much worse.

I suspect that you may have been the only Indian American girl in your class or if not, one of a very few. As such, most of the other kids would know nothing of you and your background, only that you were an outsider. To get in any group, you would need a sponsor, someone who would have your back. I came from a small town with a small school and I know that it was hard for someone to build friendships after moving into town. That being said, in a year they would usually have a few friends and a year after that even more.

But if you enjoyed sex and ended up with having sex with a number of guys, it could end up alienating your friends who were taught and required to have a limited number of boyfriends. Having sexual partners was something that was not talked about directly with parents. When I was growing up, having sex was maybe part of a serious relationship where the couple thought that they would get married when they were of adult age. So they started a bit sooner. Some guys may have wanted to sample sex with various girls, but they rarely got the chance. Today things are different but the promiscuous guys don't get labeled whereas the even less promiscuous girls do. A double standard.

I've known two different groups of Indian or Indian American men. The ones in college were mostly if not all from India and in the USA for a college education. They were seemingly on the hunt for casual sex all the time, but it must have been frustrating since I don't remember any of them being on dates anytime I saw them. All other groups and mixed couples had much better luck. The ones I know from work are all married. They seem to have good marriages and I cannot recall a single divorce. I knew one young guy who was married in an arranged marriage back in India. He met his prospective wife only once before marriage and that was chaperoned.

From the previous paragraph, I understand you meeting many Indian guys only interested in casual sex. I also understand the slings and arrows that often come from the Indian community directed toward you to keep you in line with it. I would say you would have an easier time finding nonjudgmental people in the cities of the Northeast and the West in the USA. Somewhere out there is the right person for you, who will like your features, your personality and everything about you. This person will also have the features, personality and the rest to excite you.

[Magnetism]

I don't live in Alabama anymore. I live in a major city now. My Indian ex that put me down was also from a major city, and was raised in the states. He also considered himself the most open-minded and sweetest man you would ever meet, yet he thinks that women who initiate sex are desperate and make fools out of themselves.

My most recent ex (who was European) accused me of having a low sex drive. It was only because I was unhappy in the relationship. Being controlled, smothered and not having your emotional needs met can be a huge turn-off. I'm embarrassed to say that I fantasized about other people while dating this man, including women. What's weird is that he also didn't like it when I looked at porn or used toys. Once I broke up with this man, my sex drive went back to normal.

Once I broke up with this ex, my sex drive went back to normal. Does anyone else with a high sex drive experience a decrease if they're with the wrong person or in a relationship that doesn't meet their emotional needs?

[Quest]

I'm male but I really only want to be in a relationship with a girl who had roughly about the same number of sexual partners, which for me currently is 0(I actually would prefer a virgin girl but I am ok with 2-3). I don't think I would be with girl who I felt had too many partners.

On the otherhand I have a number of fetishes and I don't have a problem with sex so long as it comes after the development of a longterm relationship(actually a girl who enjoyed all my fetishes is much, much preferable).