[Hugo-B]

My advice to you Magnetism, first off would be to stop taking what these men tell you to heart. If a man told you that you were the most beautiful girl in the world would you take that to heart and believe him? I'd like to think so but I suspect not, unfortunately.

If you feel there was an incident in your past which served as a determinant which made you, as you say 'hyper sexual' you may wish to discuss it with someone qualified and capable of helping you, especially if it was an unpleasant experience, again, nothing to be ashamed of.

They're contradicting themselves - they sleep with you, so you're obviously good enough for them - they criticize you and try to put you down, probably to try and make themselves feel better.

Dovetailing from a previous post in order to reiterate a point I really wish to 'drive home' to you is this: do not walk around feeling you bear the label of a '*****', and ****, a slag, or 'damaged goods' or >feel free to insert derogatory expression used to degrade woman who enjoys sex< whatever, these are just cruel words used by people in a manifestation of their own ignorance and insecurity, something they themselves had driven into them as a result of environmental conditioning.

Magnetism: when anything isn't going the way a person wishes it to, i.e. you not having sex enough with your ex, the EASIEST thing in the world to do is to blame everything on another person, i.e. him blaming you. Do not take this to heart, any man with a modicum of common sense knows an unhappy woman women will not want to please or even share her body with a man who doesn't make her feel attractive and wanted. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

You simply do not share the antiquated and guilt ridden attitude to sex that your culture has tried to oppress you with and the little boys in it, afraid that you'll have seen a willy bigger than theirs before are afraid, very afraid, that you'll be able to compare them to other, bigger and better men. It's their problem, don't let them make it yours.

[Hugo-B]

I'm male but I really only want to be in a relationship with a girl who had roughly about the same number of sexual partners, which for me currently is 0(I actually would prefer a virgin girl but I am ok with 2-3). I don't think I would be with girl who I felt had too many partners.

On the otherhand I have a number of fetishes and I don't have a problem with sex so long as it comes after the development of a longterm relationship(actually a girl who enjoyed all my fetishes is much, much preferable).

I don't think our friend Magnetism will mind (too much) the little departure/hijack in her thread...

I wish I had websites like this when I was younger, when I was in your position all I had was FHM magazines an dother equally useless rubbish

Quest, I lost my virginity to a relatively (compared to me) experienced girl, so I cannot comment (based on personal experience) what it would be like being a virgin and losing my virginity to another virgin. I'd never done more than kiss a girl before I met her and over the space of three months she 'took me' through everything. We built up a good level of comfort and actually losing my virginity wasn't actually too awkward by then, I doubt the 20 seconds of sex was worth the three month wait to her though!

I've 'fooled around' and did everything but sex with a girl who was a virgin (she was 19 I was 22), but never had sex with one, I was 19 when I met my first GF and lost my virginity, I split up with her at about 22 and since then the youngest girl I was ever with was 23 I think, so I have only one brief experience with one young inexperienced girl!

I like that you don't have that 'just get it out of the way ASAP by any means possible' attitude, many young men have, mainly due to peer pressure. I also admire that you seem to have a good idea of what you want.

I can also understand why you want to lose your virginity to another virgin. You would both be sharing a completely one off and unique experience together, that could never, ever be repeated. From the perspective of an inexperienced young man (no offense) you would also have the comfort of knowing you, your body, and your performance weren't being compared to anyone else; I think this would be very reassuring for both you, but Quest, it is certainly not essential. I know how much it can hurt to think some a-hole has treated like %^&, and had his filthy paws all over the women you cherish, but you need to accept that people meet people, get together, break up and move on. It's life and it won't change. I won't lie, it's awkward telling a girl with experience you have none; and I know that there's the pressure on men to be able to satisfy and please his women, well don't worry, you'll be able to do that but any reasonable women will give you a free pass to be a bit clumsy, cum as quickly as you like, and not quite know where everything is in the beginning. It's much easier to find a penis than a clitoris, that's for sure!

There is also no way of telling if a girl is a virgin, you're putting quite severe restrictions on your search. What you need to search for is COMPATIBILITY, one assertion I will make is that losing your virginity will be much less awkward, and much more fun for both parties if it is with a more experienced woman - with whom you feel at ease and comfort with - just because a woman has had sex with a few men prior to you doesn't mean she'll want/expect swinging off the chandelier sex the first time. I know you said a couple of partners is cool and good for you. Fetishes are cool too, I have plenty, I'm sure you'll get to explore them all in good time and I sincerely hope you enjoy yourself.

One last thing, (experienced girls especially) girls actually LOVE boys who are virgins, it provides them with a unique experience too. My last piece of advice (in this thread) is to never try and act more experienced than you are when you're with a girl (for many reasons, which I won't go into now, but we could start another thread if you like) it will just put more pressure on you. Be open about your situation, and watch her eyes light up when you tell her...

Good luck...

[Magnetism]

I don't care if a man is a virgin either, but I would like to clarify that there's a difference between sexual and promiscuous. When I disclosed my sexual past to my white friends, they laughed and said "That's not ****ty." I've had a few casual affairs when I was young (teens and college years), but I've been able to go without sex for 2-3 years without sex. The people I had casual sex with were people that I knew well. These weren't strangers that I picked up. Some people assume that if you've had safe casual sex once, you must be doing it with several other men. This isn't true.


At age 25, I did give up casual sex and decided that it would be the safest to only have sex within a committed relationship. The same ex-boyfriend that gave me a hard time for being sexually active also gave me a hard time for wanting to wait until I was love. He accused me of trying to impress other people, but that wasn't it at all. I wanted to take care of my own emotional well-being and know the feeling of being in love before sex.

[Hugo-B]

Re the first paragraph: I wasn't suggesting you were being a ****, or had been a **** (I don't condone ****tiness, though I do condone reckless, thoughtless and destructive behavior). Please don't take offense.

The second paragraph of your post supports the point I raised in a previous post, about men with double standards: it's acceptable for them to be with you, but anything prior was ****ty. You don't have to put up with that.

Any man who doesn't respect the choices you make about what you do with your body isn't worth giving the time of day to.

[DreamP346]

Magnetism, I also come from South Asia. I grew up where women who associated with other men who weren't family (talked, hung out, were friendly) were considered loose. But things have really changed a lot. Yes, I know my share of men from my country to love to date American women because the put out, but when it comes to marriage, they let their parents pick and nice virgin for them. Those are the hypocrits that I have nothing to do with - neither dating nor as friends.

Each person has a right to their opinion and desires. If they want a virgin, then don't engage in sex with other people. Even in my conservative culture, I have dated men who had no problem with my sexual past. They disagreed to my views on sexuality, but people have a right to their own opinion. And their views weren't different towards men vs. women. I think your issue is that you have been exposed to too many of the wrong people. It happens. We all make mistakes. And sometimes people lie and put a different face just to get what they want. Don't believe it or let them change your views. Enjoy your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with being sexual or even promiscuous if that is what you want and are doing it safely.

The more people say no, the more I want to defy them. I lost my virginity because I wanted to rebel against the idea of a woman having to maintain their virginity and the idealized concept of love and sex. And I don't regret it one bit. My husband (he is American) has a very long sexual past with some virgins as well. And he always says he does not like to have sex with virgins because they don't know what to do. He is more interested in a woman who is empowered with her sexuality and knows what she wants. All the men I have dated have always been attracted to my assertive behavior and love it when I initiate sex because their experience has been that most women don't.

Don't let what a few idiots say get you down.

[Magnetism]

Hi sp346,

I'm happy that you are also from South Asia. When I went to Mumbai in 2010, I do feel that people have become more liberal. In my generation, our parents came to America in the 1970's. An Indian-American will adopt his parents' views and be unaware that India has changed. Even I can be more traditional than some women in Mumbai/Delhi.


Men from India tend to like me a lot. But, I'm not attracted to men from India. I've tried to force it, but it's hard. Their mannerisms and demeanor is different. For instance, too much staring on a date or encouraging me to drink more than I want makes me feel uncomfortable. If I say I'm not interested, they will keep bothering me. My negative experiences with Indian men mostly have to do with the ones raised in America, believe it or not. Ideally, I would like an Indian-American man that's similar to myself....but it's been hard to find.

Buddhaboy-I know you weren't attacking me. I was just making a general statement.

[Magnetism]

I'm not feeling well right now. I was out with girlfriends again, and it turns out I'm the only one that can't orgasm vaginally.

The truth is I was sexually abused as a child, and that ****ed me up. In my 20's, the Indian ex-boyfriend I dated was very much similar to my child abuser. I was manipulated into having unwanted sex with this ex, and it was painful. I was told that I was the one at fault for having pain. I was made fun of for not being able to take vaginal sex properly, and how the pain would be there with me forever. I was told how I was ugly, stupid and how bad things would happen to me if I dared have sex with anyone else. My ex threatened me that he would find out if I did anything behind his back. He thought that he was my saviour

I'm really angry now b/c I feel like my step-dad and my Indian ex ruined my body for life. It's not fair that other women get to have pleasurable vaginal sex, and I don't.

I have a feeling that my most recent ex-boyfriend cheated on me. We weren't able to have as much sex, because my mind was flooded with flashbacks and his behavior turned me off. I remember how my body was physically fatigued from his nagging and disrespect of boundaries. If I was still dating this ex, I wouldn't be allowed to post on this forum. My sexually abusive step-dad and my Indian ex told me how all men cheat, and that if you don't give them what they want..they will find it somewhere else.


I've been in therapy for years, BUT very few therapists understand trauma. Many therapists say they do, but they don't. It ****es me off how they say "This will be hard for you to uncondition." **** you. I want to have a happy sex life and not be told that it's something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

I do often think that coming to terms with being unlovable and unpleasing to men is the truth. Many people have relationships and get married. Maybe I'm not one of them.

[Magnetism]

I don't want to make it seem like I'm blaming other people, but so far I haven't been happy in relationships or with males in general. I feel like my soul was killed already when I was 12. The remnants left were even more butchered by my Indian ex. I feel like my Indian ex was giving the message "No man can't have you, if I can't have you."

It would be ideal to fall in love and get involved with another sexual abuse survivor, but I don't know where to find them. The support groups I'm in are mostly women that I'm close friends with, and I don't want to blur the boundaries.

[jns]

Magnetism, I'm sorry that your life has been screwed up until now by the bad experiences you have had. I don't know how I would have handled it if I was in your place. But please know that not every woman can orgasm vaginally or even clitorally.

One thing about actually orgasming is letting go. It is similar between men and women in that sense. I understand the abuse you have had in the past makes it hard to just let go and abandon control to the moment, but that is the most likely way you can achieve the orgasms you desire.

Additionally, you probably have to truly forgive your stepfather and your ex. They are the ones that caused you to make sure you didn't have pleasure when they did what they did. Their actions are still controlling your reactions. I know it is asking more than should be asked. I am not saying become friendly with them. Just let that go and continue working on letting yourself go when you are having sex with a lover.

Hopefully you have a lover who knows how beautiful and intelligent you truly are and lets you know often.

[jns]

It would be ideal to fall in love and get involved with another sexual abuse survivor, but I don't know where to find them. The support groups I'm in are mostly women that I'm close friends with, and I don't want to blur the boundaries.

Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. You would have someone who knows what you went through, but if he haven't been able to reconstruct his life, it wouldn't help very much. What you need is someone to guide you and find a path you can follow.