[DreamP346]

Most happy couples I know discuss monogamy and infidelity is a deal breaker with each other.

Not everybody. There are many people (more than we believe), who are in open relationshp, polyamorous, swigers, etc. Unless you are actively involved in that lifestyle, they will not admit it to you. Also, saying its a deal breakers doesnt necessarily mean they will walk away. A large per cent of couple work through infidelity. My husband worked through it was his ex. I would not walk away from my married because of it. It more about what you do afterwards that matters.

Peope who stray will stray because that is their personality. Nothing their partner did changes it. Or they stray because they are dissatisfied and their partners are not willing to work with them in any way at all. You cannot blame yourself if you partner strays if you tried to work things out and meet him/her half way.

About not enjoying penetration, well you can read a lot about that on this board. Penetration is not one of the best parts of sex for most women. G-spot orgasm just isnt' want great for me. Having clit stimulation with penetration is what feels the best. Each woman is different. There is nothing wrong with having your own desires and preferances.

Regarding counsellors, you really have to shop around. Each one in trained on different theories and beliefs. You really have to find somebody that works for you. You also have to believe in it. If going to support groups helps, then use them. If talking on these forums works, then do that. You need to find what works for you. Don't give up. It is sad, but there are many survivors of sexual abuse. They have found a way to over come it. You can too.

[Magnetism]

Not everybody. There are many people (more than we believe), who are in open relationshp, polyamorous, swigers, etc. Unless you are actively involved in that lifestyle, they will not admit it to you. Also, saying its a deal breakers doesnt necessarily mean they will walk away. A large per cent of couple work through infidelity. My husband worked through it was his ex. I would not walk away from my married because of it. It more about what you do afterwards that matters.

Peope who stray will stray because that is their personality. Nothing their partner did changes it. Or they stray because they are dissatisfied and their partners are not willing to work with them in any way at all. You cannot blame yourself if you partner strays if you tried to work things out and meet him/her half way.

About not enjoying penetration, well you can read a lot about that on this board. Penetration is not one of the best parts of sex for most women. G-spot orgasm just isnt' want great for me. Having clit stimulation with penetration is what feels the best. Each woman is different. There is nothing wrong with having your own desires and preferances.

Regarding counsellors, you really have to shop around. Each one in trained on different theories and beliefs. You really have to find somebody that works for you. You also have to believe in it. If going to support groups helps, then use them. If talking on these forums works, then do that. You need to find what works for you. Don't give up. It is sad, but there are many survivors of sexual abuse. They have found a way to over come it. You can too.

Yes, I'm aware that some couples are happy having an open-relationship.

May I ask you if it's normal for men from India to stare at you too much on a date? I felt very weird and creepy when a recent date was doing this.I also was very anxious on the date, so I think that's my body's way of telling me I'm unsafe. Some people tell me I'm over-analzying, but my gut instincts have always been right. Being a highly sensitive person, I think I can tell when something is "off." I feel relaxed and at ease with people that are warm and give off positive energy. I also think our unconscious minds are picking up on little non-verbal cues.

I'm trying to be open-minded by giving different people a chance, but something often doesn't feel right.


It's important for me to trust my own intuition, and it's a pet peeve of mine when people talk me out of it. Everytime I've went against my gut feeling, I paid the price in the end....

[Hugo-B]

Yes, I'm aware that some couples are happy having an open-relationship.

May I ask you if it's normal for men from India to stare at you too much on a date? I felt very weird and creepy when a recent date was doing this.I also was very anxious on the date, so I think that's my body's way of telling me I'm unsafe. Some people tell me I'm over-analzying, but my gut instincts have always been right. Being a highly sensitive person, I think I can tell when something is "off." I feel relaxed and at ease with people that are warm and give off positive energy. I also think our unconscious minds are picking up on little non-verbal cues.

I'm trying to be open-minded by giving different people a chance, but something often doesn't feel right.


It's important for me to trust my own intuition, and it's a pet peeve of mine when people talk me out of it. Everytime I've went against my gut feeling, I paid the price in the end....

Magnetism, I went to India twice with my ex and the way Indian men treat women is VERY, VERY different to the way 'we' treat them in the West. We were on a bar on the beach on new years eve and at one point there were a crowd of men standing around staring at me and my friends girlfriends. I know blonde white women are a novelty to them but we reached the point where we actually felt threatened and knew if things got out of control we were far too outnumbered to do anything so we left, although the owner of the bar (an Indian man) threatened to call the police so most of them left. A number of men also took pictures of her on the beach in her swimming costume which upset her (obviously without her permission) in the end we just stayed at the hotel around the pool. We were however, on a beach primarily occupied with Indian people so had to respect the fact we were foreigners there and they weren't used to seeing white, blonde women in bikinis, so the cultural differences were significant.

So the short answer to your question is yes, based on empirical evidence.

[Magnetism]

This man told me he lived in America for 12 years though....My parents have been in the USA for 30 years, and they still have key Indian traits.

[DreamP346]

I have dated two Indian men and neither one of them stared. They pretty much were like any other guy. Maybe that's why I dated them.

[Carpe Diem]

I was talking to a trusted female friend the other day, and she said how she has had a lot of sex partners. She also said that none of them have degraded her or called her a ****. She even said that the men that she had sex too soon with also didn't judge her for it. This friend is now happily married to a man that knows of her sexual past, and absolutely adores her.

I then got angry that everything I was told in my life was a lie. I also wondered why did I encounter men that were judgmental of me? I've been criticized for liking to perform oral sex. I've been criticized by guys for being attracted to women.Sorry, but you can't erase my attraction to women. It's always going to be there. I've been accused of being the type that will cheat just because I have a high sex drive (I've never cheated), yet it was perfectly okay for men in my culture to cheat. I've been treated like a disease by men in my culture for having pre-marital sex. If you're going to put a woman down for liking sex, it's going to be hard for her to relax with you and enjoy herself.

Can someone please tell me if most men are okay with women being sexual, or are they really that judgmental as the men I've mentioned above? How do you know if a man is open-minded?

I would like to be with someone that appreciates a feminine and sensual woman. Someone that I can have fun with. Someone that I don't have to pretend to be someone else. Someone that likes to see me get dolled up. Someone that respects what turns me on and doesn't, and I would like to reciprocate the same. I notice that my sex drive decreases in relationships where I'm not happy.

I am a man like your trusted friend's husband, and I don't think that he and I are all that unusual. I see a woman's sexuality as a positive thing (if my wife didn't like sex, how satisfying could our sexual relationship possibly be for me?), I would never call a woman a ****, I don't cheat on my wife, I don't ask and don't care about my wife's prior sexual experiences. Maybe date some guys who aren't from your culture.

[jns]

May I ask you if it's normal for men from India to stare at you too much on a date? I felt very weird and creepy when a recent date was doing this.I also was very anxious on the date, so I think that's my body's way of telling me I'm unsafe.

From what I have read to answer your question, everyone stares in India except for the foreigners. There are no cultural taboos against staring, so when people are curious, they stare. I would suppose someone brought up in Indian culture somewhere else other than India possibly would also stare due to their role models.

Since it made you uncomfortable, maybe asking if your date would not stare would work.

[Magnetism]

I'm bumping this topic, because I wanted to add if it's really all that uncommon to not have sex for a long period of time? My female friend is having casual sex with someone and is the type to always have a boyfriend by her side. I'm not the type of person that has to be in a relationship with someone. I can stay single for a few years. She was surprised when she found out that I haven't had sex since December. I don't disclose this information, but she asked and keeps bringing it up. She says "it's wild" that I haven't had sex "in so long", because she can't picture herself doing that. I said "It's all about having self-control and I don't like anybody enough to have sex with them." I broke up with my ex several months ago, so isn't it normal to not have sex when you're not dating anyone? I don't think several months is that long of a time anyhow. It's not like people die or go crazy without sex.


I like this friend a lot, because she's fun and is always up for going out. I just don't see anything wrong with going without sex until you find someone you like. The difference in our personalities might be a problem where she's obsessed with having sex with others, whereas I would rather control my urges and wait for the right person.

[DreamP346]

I'm bumping this topic, because I wanted to add if it's really all that uncommon to not have sex for a long period of time? My female friend is having casual sex with someone and is the type to always have a boyfriend by her side. I'm not the type of person that has to be in a relationship with someone. I can stay single for a few years. She was surprised when she found out that I haven't had sex since December. I don't disclose this information, but she asked and keeps bringing it up. She says "it's wild" that I haven't had sex "in so long", because she can't picture herself doing that. I said "It's all about having self-control and I don't like anybody enough to have sex with them." I broke up with my ex several months ago, so isn't it normal to not have sex when you're not dating anyone? I don't think several months is that long of a time anyhow. It's not like people die or go crazy without sex.


I like this friend a lot, because she's fun and is always up for going out. I just don't see anything wrong with going without sex until you find someone you like. The difference in our personalities might be a problem where she's obsessed with having sex with others, whereas I would rather control my urges and wait for the right person.

Normal is a relative term. Normal for who? You? Women? Your age? Your ethnicity? I can go on. There is nothing normal about life and everything is normal. Some people are comfortable going years without sex and others need it everybody. So depending on who you compare yourself to, "normal" has many definitions.

Not everybody feels comfortable having casual sex. Actually most people I know don't. there is nothing wrong with it. At the same time, its very common to only have sex when dating. If anything, I think this is what majority of people do.

[Magnetism]

Perhaps "common" is a better term than "normal." I've learned self-control when it comes to sex because I went through a 2 year period where I vowed to be celibate until I found the right person. Since an Indian ex-boyfriend had put me down so much and even accused me of being the type of woman that would cheat, I wanted to prove him wrong by showing that I could control my urges until I found someone that was serious about me.

To be honest, it makes me wonder if this dear friend is secure with her own sexuality. Why is she so curious to know how long ago it was that I had sex? Most people don't want to know that information or even ask me these questions. She tells me she's not happy with her life, despite all of the great sex that she talks about having.

I would assume it's common for people to go through long periods about sex, but they wouldn't be so vocal about it. It's nobody's business anyway.