i feel like i'm living in such a cliché here, but please bear with me!
ok so myself and my husband are together 4 and a half years, married for 18 months.
when we met first i was aware that he had a small penis, but as everything else about him was perfect [so i thought] i didn't let that put me off. we had regular sex at weekends and 1 might midweek for the whole year we dated before we moved in together and it was 'fine'. there wasn't a lot of sensation as he wasn't circumcised though, and he'd only penetrate me an inch or two. i think because the head of his penis was always covered by his foreskin... he couldn't retract it at all. i wasn't satisfied really but it was the first flush of love and all that and i kept thinking things would get better. i tried telling him what i wanted and he'd do it for about 30 seconds... then back to his way.
before i met him i was very open and free about my body, walking round the house naked, etc. but... well.... he started to make the comments.... like... i can't really explain it but he made me feel like it was something kinky but it wasn't. it was just me going to get a drink or whatever from the kitchen without clothes. i felt... weird. a lot of things were like that. if i wanted to wear stockings or something he treated me like some sort of sexual freak, not... anyway you get the idea. I've only ever suggested the milder things i'd like to do in bed but even then i was made feel weird. he has no idea that i have fantasies about threesomes, S 'n M, outdoor sex, wanting him to wear a penis extender or something... stuff like that would kill him i think.
we both put on a bit of weight since we met, and even though he assures me he still finds me attractive i can't say the same i don't think. he knows that if he even gains a pound or two it goes straight to his man boobs as he calls them, and he hates them.. but won't try and lose weight and thwarts my efforts at healthy eating too. his moobs are now at a stage where I'm turned off by them. they're about a b cup I'd say... and even rubbing his chest if we hug feels like hugging the bosom of a woman and it turns me off.... and i feel so ****ing horrible about that but i just can't help it.
anyway... he eventually went to get circumcised. the sex wasn't any different really. still only an inch or two. still him getting off, me screaming on the inside cause i just wanted to be ************ [capital letters there!!!!], lol. i like it a bit rough sometimes but he'd never be willing to do that. so we went back to his kinda awkward touching, the not very deep penetration, and me masturbating afterwards just to get off. he works in a manual job and refuses to wear gloves or moisturise his hands, so even him touching me or stroking me was kinda sore. but he'd just ignore that. never did anything about it no matter how he'd agree that his hands might hurt me. i don't like sex during my period and he knows this. some days he'd stroke my bum in bed and try and put his hand down further to 'that area' and I'd pull away from him. he knows that I've spent the morning eating painkillers, with a hot water bottle on my back so he knows it's that time of the month, but still tries it on. doesn't THINK. keeps trying and i keep pulling away cause it's not very sexy to say 'please stop trying to touch me I'm bleeding and feel like ****'. i get so frustrated and sad that he doesn't remember or care that i don't like that. uggggggh.
eventually, i just kinda shied away from sex with him because... well... i knew exactly it was going to pan out. he'd get off and i wouldn't no matter how i tried to explain what i wanted or needed. we had a few awkward fumbles over the months and that was it.
on our wedding night... we're in a hotel far far from anyone we might know, on the night that's supposed to be romantic and sexy and we're in bed and start to have sex... he shushes me when i started to moan, he did the usual thing of only giving me an inch or two and i begged him to ******** me and he just stopped. that was it. nothing more for the rest of our honeymoon and about 8 months afterwards. he only talked about it when we went to marriage counselling which i had to BEG him to go to and his reasoning was that he couldn't concentrate as he was afraid someone in the next room might hear....? but he's not been able to concentrate at home either cause of the very rare chance his dad might call over [this happened only once when we were in bed... 3 years ago] he stopped going to the counsellor cause he didn't agree with handing over money. [we're not financially strapped - he's just mean with money]. for the last year we've just been like room mates.
and I'm dying inside.
my problem is that last week i made an appointment to see a sex therapist, and i went to her alone. she said she'd love to get her teeth into our issues but I'd have to bring him along. here's the thing... what do i actually say? how do i put it? and please... i need this to be spelled out in such a way that i just memorize the words and relay them to him... i need specifics... i have literally no idea how to word that we need to see a sex therapist. that's my first issue. the second is... what am i allowed say when we're there? like there's no way in the world I'd be able to tell him any of what I've written here cause he's take it so personally and he's not able to have a logic conversation about anything difficult or emotional. his answer to every difficult or emotional conversation we've ever had to have is to stare at the floor and go 'i dunno' until i eventually either explode with frustration or leave the house. when i come back all he does is hug me and promise to change but it's like he's not really saying it, a lot of the time the words will be something he's heard in a chick flick. i love him but i really don't think he has a clue how to love someone, how to be present in a relationship, how to really HEAR another person. and he takes everything so sensitively i've no idea how i'm going to tell him i'm not happy with our sex life.
help anyone?
ok so myself and my husband are together 4 and a half years, married for 18 months.
when we met first i was aware that he had a small penis, but as everything else about him was perfect [so i thought] i didn't let that put me off. we had regular sex at weekends and 1 might midweek for the whole year we dated before we moved in together and it was 'fine'. there wasn't a lot of sensation as he wasn't circumcised though, and he'd only penetrate me an inch or two. i think because the head of his penis was always covered by his foreskin... he couldn't retract it at all. i wasn't satisfied really but it was the first flush of love and all that and i kept thinking things would get better. i tried telling him what i wanted and he'd do it for about 30 seconds... then back to his way.
before i met him i was very open and free about my body, walking round the house naked, etc. but... well.... he started to make the comments.... like... i can't really explain it but he made me feel like it was something kinky but it wasn't. it was just me going to get a drink or whatever from the kitchen without clothes. i felt... weird. a lot of things were like that. if i wanted to wear stockings or something he treated me like some sort of sexual freak, not... anyway you get the idea. I've only ever suggested the milder things i'd like to do in bed but even then i was made feel weird. he has no idea that i have fantasies about threesomes, S 'n M, outdoor sex, wanting him to wear a penis extender or something... stuff like that would kill him i think.
we both put on a bit of weight since we met, and even though he assures me he still finds me attractive i can't say the same i don't think. he knows that if he even gains a pound or two it goes straight to his man boobs as he calls them, and he hates them.. but won't try and lose weight and thwarts my efforts at healthy eating too. his moobs are now at a stage where I'm turned off by them. they're about a b cup I'd say... and even rubbing his chest if we hug feels like hugging the bosom of a woman and it turns me off.... and i feel so ****ing horrible about that but i just can't help it.
anyway... he eventually went to get circumcised. the sex wasn't any different really. still only an inch or two. still him getting off, me screaming on the inside cause i just wanted to be ************ [capital letters there!!!!], lol. i like it a bit rough sometimes but he'd never be willing to do that. so we went back to his kinda awkward touching, the not very deep penetration, and me masturbating afterwards just to get off. he works in a manual job and refuses to wear gloves or moisturise his hands, so even him touching me or stroking me was kinda sore. but he'd just ignore that. never did anything about it no matter how he'd agree that his hands might hurt me. i don't like sex during my period and he knows this. some days he'd stroke my bum in bed and try and put his hand down further to 'that area' and I'd pull away from him. he knows that I've spent the morning eating painkillers, with a hot water bottle on my back so he knows it's that time of the month, but still tries it on. doesn't THINK. keeps trying and i keep pulling away cause it's not very sexy to say 'please stop trying to touch me I'm bleeding and feel like ****'. i get so frustrated and sad that he doesn't remember or care that i don't like that. uggggggh.
eventually, i just kinda shied away from sex with him because... well... i knew exactly it was going to pan out. he'd get off and i wouldn't no matter how i tried to explain what i wanted or needed. we had a few awkward fumbles over the months and that was it.
on our wedding night... we're in a hotel far far from anyone we might know, on the night that's supposed to be romantic and sexy and we're in bed and start to have sex... he shushes me when i started to moan, he did the usual thing of only giving me an inch or two and i begged him to ******** me and he just stopped. that was it. nothing more for the rest of our honeymoon and about 8 months afterwards. he only talked about it when we went to marriage counselling which i had to BEG him to go to and his reasoning was that he couldn't concentrate as he was afraid someone in the next room might hear....? but he's not been able to concentrate at home either cause of the very rare chance his dad might call over [this happened only once when we were in bed... 3 years ago] he stopped going to the counsellor cause he didn't agree with handing over money. [we're not financially strapped - he's just mean with money]. for the last year we've just been like room mates.
and I'm dying inside.
my problem is that last week i made an appointment to see a sex therapist, and i went to her alone. she said she'd love to get her teeth into our issues but I'd have to bring him along. here's the thing... what do i actually say? how do i put it? and please... i need this to be spelled out in such a way that i just memorize the words and relay them to him... i need specifics... i have literally no idea how to word that we need to see a sex therapist. that's my first issue. the second is... what am i allowed say when we're there? like there's no way in the world I'd be able to tell him any of what I've written here cause he's take it so personally and he's not able to have a logic conversation about anything difficult or emotional. his answer to every difficult or emotional conversation we've ever had to have is to stare at the floor and go 'i dunno' until i eventually either explode with frustration or leave the house. when i come back all he does is hug me and promise to change but it's like he's not really saying it, a lot of the time the words will be something he's heard in a chick flick. i love him but i really don't think he has a clue how to love someone, how to be present in a relationship, how to really HEAR another person. and he takes everything so sensitively i've no idea how i'm going to tell him i'm not happy with our sex life.
help anyone?
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