[Magnetism]

I'm not fond of going to the doctor and have something shoved in me either, LOL. Okay, so recognizing that an erect penis looks intimidating accounts for the tensing and 'not sure you are aroused'. It's hard to get aroused when you think you are about to be tortured. Being on top allows you to control the depth of penetration and the pace.

I hate to make someone I'm with sound like a jerk, but he did laugh when I was doing reverse cowgirl. His penis kept popping out of me, and he said "It's because you're not all the way in." I don't think he meant anything bad. He is very understanding of my issue with penetration, and I'm skilled at other sexual acts to make up for it.


A_Dub-I'm sure many women are willing to explicitly discuss this with their male partners, but how many male partners are willing to listen and risk bruising their ego? I don't mean to sound generalizing. I'm just curious. My experience in life tells me that some men think they know it all and will not listen to their partner's feedback.

[Euphoric]

In this case, yes, a quickie would be too painful. Timing varies from person to person and depends on the situation itself. A dim lit room with relaxing music and candle light after a long soak in the tub may do it for one person, while a walk on the beach void of other people may prompt someone else. And yes, I'm referring to having your partner to manually insert their finger inside of you and working at a gentle pace to help the muscles relax.

[Magnetism]

In this case, yes, a quickie would be too painful. Timing varies from person to person and depends on the situation itself. A dim lit room with relaxing music and candle light after a long soak in the tub may do it for one person, while a walk on the beach void of other people may prompt someone else. And yes, I'm referring to having your partner to manually insert their finger inside of you and working at a gentle pace to help the muscles relax.

There are things lately in my sex life that are making things weird. Having to do it in other people's beds (not my cup of tea, but apparently the owners of these bed don't care), staying at a house where the person on the couch KNOWS you are getting intimate with someone in the next room....Things like that keep me on guard.


I have communicated to this person that I need privacy and a good few hours in a calm and quiet environment.

[Euphoric]

How old are you and how long have you been active? I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings by laughing, perhaps he was trying to lighten the mood so that you wouldn't get frustrated? A lot of women experience their guy popping out at first. You just need to practice, without pressure of 'doing it right' to get the hang of how you need to position yourself. It doesn't matter how experienced you are, sometimes it's just going to slip out. Still happens if things are really intense. You may be surprise at how open guys are to learning what works for you, especially when they care for you.

[Magnetism]

I'm 29 and he's 35. He said he hasn't had much experience with women with pain issues, nor has he met a woman that has a direct tiny spot that needs to be stimulated for a good 20 minutes (like me). This guy has been with a lot of women, so I sometimes wonder that maybe some of the women he has been with weren't honest. I know some women put up with the pain just to look normal. This guy is really big and wide. There has to be another woman that experienced pain with him.

He says not to beat myself up over it though. We do have fun overall and he does listen emotionally to any problems I have, and he is willing to help. He just thinks I have a mental block, which is true. I don't trust him 100% completely.

[Magnetism]

To answer your other question, I have been sexually active since I was a teenager, but nobody told me these things that I know now. When I was in highschool, girls and guys thought that you just had to stick it in and keep going as hard and as fast as you could. I put up with painful intercourse longer than I care to admit, and I would pretend to like intercourse at age 18 when I was feeling torture. It's pretty sad that the female body being prepared for intercourse is rarely talked about.

It was only until I was aged 24 when I discovered that I needed a lot of clitoral stimulation to help diminish discomforting intercourse. I wish I knew that about my body when I was a teenager.

[Euphoric]

You have a lot going for you. You are not naive and recognize that some people will lie to save face. I need a lot of stimulation to really get me where I want to go. Furthermore, I need external stimuli, vibration, from a vibrator or bullet device. I simply told my husband it wasn't his fault, I'm just difficult. But my motto is - if he is going to get the full benefit, then so am I, ha ha. It's a mutual respect. There was a point in time that I thought - that thing is not going to fit, but now I'll ask him to pound it harder. Time has it advantages.

The situation you describe with your surrounding would make me clam up tight, too. It's kinda lousy that the person you asked to give you some privacy thinks that lounging on the couch provides the environment you need. Hopefully, that is not the case.

Why don't you trust him? How long have you been together?

[DreamP346]

So being wet isn't the green light? Wow, I didn't know that and I'm reasonably sure a lot of experienced men don't know that either - unless they've explicitly been told.

How long does it take you? 10 mins? 30? an hour? So I guess the proverbial quickie is out of the question...and what do you mean exactly by fingering? Does the porno style clit massage work, or do you actually have to stick a finger or two in there to help loosen those muscles?

The body produces lubrication immediately from contact. Its a defence mechanism. Even a person being raped will produce lubrication. Its the body's way of preventing injury. This very misconcenption that lubrication is a sign of excitement lead many men to believe that "the woman really did want it" and also to make rape victims think that there is something wrong with them because they think they got excited during the rape.

There are 2 mechanisms of lubrication. One that responds to physician touch (as explained above) and another that responds to mental excitement. The first one can work within seconds. The second one is different for each women. Its can be a few minutes to needing 20-30 minutes. However, as other's have explained, lubrication doesn't necessarily mean you are ready for intercourse.

[DreamP346]

Magnetism - Slipping out is common, even in long term relationships and certain positions more than others. Also, certain positions don't allow for complete/deep penetration, so there is nothing wrong with not being all the way in.

Who told you you have a shallow vagina? A physician? The vagina does lenghten during sexual arrousal. its not very long. Its surprising that it can accommodate anything more than 5 inches without hitting the cervix but that's the amazing thing about the vagina. There is nothing wrong with having a preference in size. I also like smaller because its less painful.

[Magnetism]

Euphoric-This is a casual relationship, which may be preventing a mental block. It's much easier to allow someone in you when you know there's relationship security and 100% emotional investment. I've only known him for a few months.

It's not his fault nor is he intentionally trying to complicate things by being at someone else's house. He's struggling with his own life issues, which is causing him to bounce around at other people's houses. Obviously, that's the only place to get intimate. Going back to my place isn't an option for reasons I don't want to get into.