[Magnetism]

Guys are easy. They get erections. But, for me? How do I know for sure that my body is ready for penetration? How do you all ladies know?

I've mentioned before that having an orgasm before sex is the surefire way to know that my muscles are relaxed, but are there any other ways? Are you supposed to feel a tingly and flushed sensation all over? Is there an easy way to know that your body is ready to let a penis enter you?

There are times where I thought I was ready for penetration, but I wasn't. I want to be able to get aroused physiologically without needing to have an orgasm, because sometimes it won't happen. Lately, I'm having a mental block with even vibrators...aarrgh.

[jns]

Ha, a guy may be "aroused", but that doesn't means he is ready to do penetration. He may have an erection from clothing rubbing. He may be thinking of something he thinks is sexy. He may have to pee. He may want to get oral. He may want to have intercourse. The clothing rubbing can be downright embarrassing.

Women can get ready for penetration without having an orgasm or several. Of course, the orgasms are preferable because they are of a higher physical response level. But a woman can get wet in anticipation of intercourse. She can fantasize about the anticipated situation. Her sex organs should engorge and often darken from blood flow. Being tingly and flushing is sometimes a part of it. I tend to think a lot of the getting ready is mental. The mental part drives the physiological response. It is something that shouldn't be over thought, rather going with the flow of feelings and emotions and going to the next level. This is from reading and my observations.

[ItsASecret]

For me it takes a long time. I could be wet and aroused from whatever it may be but in the case of my body it does not mean I am ready for penetration. My muscles take awhile to loosen up and relax, I need my bf to use his fingers on me for a bit in order to relax my muscles. I simply cannot have an orgasm before sex like him giving oral, or orgasm while he is using fingers for that matter, so it is awhile of fingering until I cannot feel any pressure associated with his fingers in me. When I cannot really feel his fingers or the pressure sensation that is when I know i am ready for penetration. Trying before I know I am ready results in a lot of pressure and cuts and generally not a fun time.

Men take note, a woman who is wet down there does not equate being ready for penetration. Things can be super lubed up but it is the relaxed muscles that are important. If those muscles are not relaxed there is a good chance she will experience pain. All women are different in how their own muscles react. It could take a couple touches of the fingers or all she has to do is her own kegals a few times and she is ready to go, or it could take awhile with fingering her...base it off of HER body not what you have experienced before with other women or what you see in porn of the ready to go in a finger snap fantasy.

[Magnetism]

lol, how am I supposed to know when my genitals are engorged? Either have my partner check or bring a small mirror to bed?

I agree with it's a secret. Even when I'm wet, I may still not be ready. It's not just men, but women also say "Just use a lot of lube." The other day, I felt like I knew more than my female doctor when I told her how I think it's just my vaginal muscles not being relaxed. In my group of female friends, it seems like I'm the only one that's aware of this?

[DreamP346]

It's when you have this overwhelming need to have something inside. At that point you don't care if it will hurt because you want it so much. Sometimes the penetration itself will get me aroused.

[jns]

lol, how am I supposed to know when my genitals are engorged? Either have my partner check or bring a small mirror to bed?

My argument all along has been that a person's partner should work at understanding that person's body and the signals it gives.

[Euphoric]

Magnetism,

It sounds like you are having a little trouble getting two key components to sync up - the mental and physical response.

Physical response - our bodies release a natural lubrication in preparation for penetration. As ItsASecret stated, our bodies may produce able lubrication, however, we are still not ready for penetration.

Mental response - there is a difference in anticipating penetration and wanting it. Anticipating penetration may be something that makes you a little apprehensive, therefore, tensing up for a variety of reasons such as fear, judgement, self-consciousness, etc. Having your partner to start out with a single finger gently gliding in and out and side to side (and you already know to make sure there is amble lubrication so that this doesn't cause pain) may help your body to acclimate and relax to allow for more penetration.

My opinion is the two elements of mental and physical conditions need to be in sync. Your body may produce amble lube, but mentally your not prepared. On the flip side of the coin, sometimes we are ready mentally, (horny and wanting it now), but our body has not produced amble lubrication, hence the many, many, commercially available products to address this problem.

Unfortunately, there is no magic solution that we can apply on the spur of the moment to help us mentally relax. It sounds like you are little uptight or anxious about having intercourse or penetration. When you say, "even with the vibrator", are you flying solo, or is that used in conjunction with your partner? As futile as it sounds, try taking some deep relaxing breaths and envisioning how good it's going to feel. Maybe you have subconsiously conditioned yourself to mentally think that you must achieve an orgasm before you are ready for penetration. You have to do what works for you. There is no one clear cut method that works for everyone. Take it slow and easy. Try to relax mentally and physically and allow your body the time it needs before moving on. Don't put yourself on a time limit. Good Luck and let us know how your are doing!

[Magnetism]

I've yet to experience the "I really want something in me" feeling. I hate going to the doctor and having them stick something inside me. I also think I don't like large penises. I've been told I have a shallow vagina, and large penises just look intimidating. Like someone is going to shove a truck inside of you. Whoever made up the idea that all women like big penises is a big liar.

I think my future partner will need to be 4-6 inches tops. And, I would probably have to be madly in love with them. Then, I think I wouldn't experience any discomfort.

[Euphoric]

I'm not fond of going to the doctor and have something shoved in me either, LOL. Okay, so recognizing that an erect penis looks intimidating accounts for the tensing and 'not sure you are aroused'. It's hard to get aroused when you think you are about to be tortured. Being on top allows you to control the depth of penetration and the pace.

[a_dub]

For me it takes a long time. I could be wet and aroused from whatever it may be but in the case of my body it does not mean I am ready for penetration. My muscles take awhile to loosen up and relax, I need my bf to use his fingers on me for a bit in order to relax my muscles. I simply cannot have an orgasm before sex like him giving oral, or orgasm while he is using fingers for that matter, so it is awhile of fingering until I cannot feel any pressure associated with his fingers in me. When I cannot really feel his fingers or the pressure sensation that is when I know i am ready for penetration. Trying before I know I am ready results in a lot of pressure and cuts and generally not a fun time.

Men take note, a woman who is wet down there does not equate being ready for penetration. Things can be super lubed up but it is the relaxed muscles that are important. If those muscles are not relaxed there is a good chance she will experience pain. All women are different in how their own muscles react. It could take a couple touches of the fingers or all she has to do is her own kegals a few times and she is ready to go, or it could take awhile with fingering her...base it off of HER body not what you have experienced before with other women or what you see in porn of the ready to go in a finger snap fantasy.

So being wet isn't the green light? Wow, I didn't know that and I'm reasonably sure a lot of experienced men don't know that either - unless they've explicitly been told.

How long does it take you? 10 mins? 30? an hour? So I guess the proverbial quickie is out of the question...and what do you mean exactly by fingering? Does the porno style clit massage work, or do you actually have to stick a finger or two in there to help loosen those muscles?