[a_dub]

I've only had sex two or three times (and that was a few years ago), and because I wasn't attracted to the girls, I was unable to ejaculate even though I have trouble lasting during masturbation. I had to pound pretty hard just to finish, and it didn't feel that great cuz its almost forced at that point.

Apart from that, and the usual locker room conversations that guys have, my only knowledge of sex is based on extensive viewing of internet porn videos. Recently, I've started watching amateur porn, and there is a stark contrast.

It seems that real sex involves only basic positions: missionary, women on top face-to-face, woman on top facing away, and doggy style. In contrast porn has all sorts of weird positions that don't look very comfortable. In sex, people tend to change positions without pulling away from each if possible, and pillows and blankets often end up on the floor. In porn, they're usually doing it on a couch and positional changes always involve pulling out and re-penetrating. People also tend to swear a lot less in real life, lol! People also tend to kiss less on porn.

Now the most important thing is how men actually thrust. In porn, the men usually thrust harder and faster, but the most important thing is that they thrust with a constant rhythm. They almost never finish in the vagina either. In amateur porn, men tend to thrust a lot more gently, especially at first, and the rhythm of thrusting changes every few moments.

What I want to know is, is that accurate in normal people's normal sex? Do men thrust in irregular patterns and is that why most women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone? Men need a constant rhythm of thrusting or jerking off as they approach ejaculation, but in sex men usually control it and maybe thats why women don't get the exact rhythm they need to orgasm.

Also, where am I expected to drop my load in real sex? I don't want to do the wrong thing. In porn 95% of the time its on the girl's face, but in amateur porn thats quite rare...guys usually finish inside her or on her chest or stomach.

[jns]

a_dub, you have asked a lot of questions that I think many guys who have not been sexually active would ask.

I believe you were to anxious when you got down to sex with your first women and that is most likely the reason you had trouble ejaculating. Once you are with a woman you can feel comfortable with and relax, you should be able to orgasm without too much of a problem. It really is that simple. I know because it happened to me. The first time I had sex, my partner made me feel very comfortable and reaching orgasm was easy. The next few times, with a different partner that I saw as very beautiful, anxiety kept me from reaching orgasm. Later, after being with another partner who I felt relaxed with, I did not have any problems. Over time I learned to limit my anxiety and no longer had those problems.

Normal sex contains many more positions than those four. Many women are not going to be on top much of the time. It is a male fantasy that they would want to be there, but being on top takes energy and may distract from the sensations to some degree for some. Doggy style is a male dominate (or back partner dominate) position that is not enjoyed by all women. You have to add standing up sex, girl on the bed (or table or counter) sex, scissors or pretzel, lotus (sitting face to face, belly to belly, her on top) rear entry (not anal), etc. Variety is good but so are old standards that both partners like. A lot of what can be accomplished depends on the innovations of the partners and their flexibility. I have had some of my strongest orgasms standing up because continuing to stand while approaching orgasm heightens the sensations to almost unbearable dimensions (I would truly prefer to collapse in a heap - my leg muscles end up shaking uncontrollably).

Porn sex is all for a show. It is not very much like normal sex. The male actors have the ability to stay hard under lights, sweating and distractions. They also have fluffers when they are not in front of the cameras to keep them hard.

In normal sex, people do not pull out, because the loss of contact may be enough to start the loss of an erection. So they keep contact that provides a little stimulation until they get in the new position.

In normal sex people kiss, because they want that love connection. In porn, they don't because it is all mechanical, not love. More steamy sex occurs in the back room than in front of the cameras on a porn set. One of the reasons for that is that the partners choose who to have sex with in the back room.

Thrusting on a porn set is for the cameras, it is also at a pace to keep the male actors from going limp and at the same time to not reach orgasm. It is most certainly not for the woman's pleasure. In normal sex, variation is used to keep building sexual tension. It is also used to give more sensation to both partners. Doing the same thing constantly at the same rhythm may end up being more of a massage. Lasting a reasonable amount of time is best, but usually there is no desire to last hours. Lubrication dries out, muscles become fatigued. Also, in normal sex, thrusting is often varied a little bit as to direction, again for variety.

Orgasming from vaginal penetration alone is possible in some women, but there is no evidence that all women would be able to orgasm from penetration, even with ideal partners and being madly in love. More women orgasm from direct and indirect clitoral stimulation. That is where there is a high concentration of nerves. Generally, I think the rate of thrusting increases as a guy reaches climax and orgasm. With most women, the guy does not cause enough clitoral stimulation for female orgasm by thrusting alone.

In normal sex, ejaculation is usually done inside. Some women can feel it and it turns them on. Pulling out is sometimes done to lessen the chances of pregnancy. Only think about ejaculating on her face if she brings it up and requests it.

[a_dub]

I appreciate the detailed answer. Its exactly what I was looking for.

I totally did not know there are women who don't like doggy style! Seems like everyone is crazy about it...don't know why though. The lotus position seems awesome. Just need to find someone to try all this stuff with, lol!

[a_dub]

I think the reason I couldn't achieve orgasm was because I really didn't want to be there. But it was too late to back out since I was already inside her. I was not at all attracted to the girls I've had sex with, but it was the best I could do. I had sex because I was 25 and all my friends had already done it. Its unheard of for any guy to be 25 and a virgin. But I didn't enjoy it at all. I remember thinking that I should have just watched my favorite porn and gotten off to that instead.

[jns]

How did you end up having sex with girls that you had no attraction to? On a bet? A girl wanting sex with you to prove something? A disinterested prostitute? Was there no build up of touching and kissing? Too many encounters like that could turn you off to what many would say is the greatest thing ever and a driving force for many things.

[a_dub]

How did you end up having sex with girls that you had no attraction to? On a bet? A girl wanting sex with you to prove something? A disinterested prostitute? Was there no build up of touching and kissing? Too many encounters like that could turn you off to what many would say is the greatest thing ever and a driving force for many things.

I could tell they would go for it, so I asked them if they wanted to go back to my place. They were either desperate or the type that really gets around. There was no making out...there was a lot of groping and giggling and I just went for the bra and that was that. I don't know if I'll be fortunate enough to have sex again. At my age, most people are in serious relationships so the pool of available partners shrinks drastically. I could have that kind of sex again from time to time, if not regularly, but it was pretty terrible and its more enjoyable to just take matters into my own hands (pun intended). This thread was born out of curiousity and the off-chance that I am able to convince an attractive woman to get into bed with me.

[a_dub]

woops double post

[Harmony]

A-Dub, first of all: exactly what JNS says.

Secondly—no offense, I want to help you—but reading between the lines (and just reading the lines, actually) I see a few issues here. The good news is that by rectifying these you'll actually find it a lot easier to meet women. When you find mutual attraction and free flowing chemistry sex is much more intense, less mechanical and more comfortable. Anything is better than the ')!%^&, what did I do this for? feeling, I'm sure you'll agree.

I don't really blame you for (again, no offense to you or the girl you had sex with) taking what you can get regarding partners, for a man, especially a 25 year old man the peer pressure (and the pressure you place on yourself) to be sexual active is immense, I started having sex quite late so In know the feeling.

So just to clarify, and you can tell me to get lost if you want but I can assure you my intentions are good: you're 25, and you've had sex a handful of times, yes? You lost your virginity late teens early 20's, yes? You're worried that the pool of available women is shrinking rapidly and time is running out?

Would you prefer to be in a relationship?

[a_dub]

So just to clarify, and you can tell me to get lost if you want but I can assure you my intentions are good: you're 25, and you've had sex a handful of times, yes? You lost your virginity late teens early 20's, yes? You're worried that the pool of available women is shrinking rapidly and time is running out?

Would you prefer to be in a relationship?

No, I didn't lose my virginity till I was 25...I'm 30 now. I haven't even had sex a handful of times, I could have had it more often, I think...but I didn't want to make the same mistakes I made before. Its not fair to me, or the girl. I grew up very shy around girls, although I've been attracted to them since I was 4 years old. I've also masturbated since I was 4, and yes it is possible for children that young to masturbate. I just had no clue what I was doing, it just felt good and I would think about girls or some love scene from a TV show when I did it.

I was always shy around attractive girls, and so I never went anywhere near one, let alone talked to one. And they didn't know I existed. I was so love shy, I used to dread being paired up with a pretty girl at school, while everyone else was probably praying to God for it. I didn't have much of a problem with girls who were unattractive, but I didn't interact much with them either since I felt no need to. Once I got to college, I pretty much did the same thing. Once, after several failed attempts, I somehow mustered the courage to go up and talk to this ridiculously hot chick. It was a 3 minute conversation, and it was probably highly awkward but she didn't seem to show any interest in talking so that was the last time I spoke to her. Some months after that I talked to another very attractive girl a couple of times at work, and was about to ask her out, but it seemed like she might have been on the phone with a BF planning date, so I backed off and never spoke to her again.

A couple years later, desperation crept in, and I decided to just strike anytime the iron was hot. That was how I finally got laid, and it was honestly terrible. I've felt way more emotional attachment to hand while jerking off, and I felt like a douche for taking advantage of some girls like that. I basically made a vow that unless I could give more, I wouldn't have sex with anyone else. I also can't accept paying for sex, so hookers are out of the question, although if I ever have a lot of money I might consider trying a top-end escort and see how that goes. But my finances are so far from that, that its not even an option worth considering at this point.

I would love to be in a relationship, in fact, I year for it, but I just don't see how thats possible. I'm actually a very social guy with a lot of friends, and one of my closest friends is a really hot girl (but we're just friends). Most of my buddies are either married or in long term relationships. They all know I'm pretty lame when it comes to girls, but I don't think any of them think that I have a problem. My closest friends, including the girl, think I have a porn addiction and we always joke about that, but again, I don't think they think I have a problem of any kind.

I recently just watched the movie 40 year old Virgin with Steve Carrell, and I'm not some totally inept weirdo, although with girls I'm just about as awkward as he was. I'm kind of a dorky guy, but nothing out of the normal bounds. Anyways, I've gone on to say a lot more than I originally intended with this thread, but there it is!

[a_dub]

I had a friend tell me, its all about the numbers game. Well if so, I might have better luck winning the powerball. The probability of attractive women in the population is say 1 in 20 (0.05), those that are single are maybe 1 in 5, those who might be attracted to me are 1 in 10 (and that is probably generous, I'm an average looking guy). Crunching the numbers indicates that I have only a 1 in 1000 chance of finding someone.