[Harmony]

A- Dub, I'm away this weekend and im typing this on my kindle.

Id like you to read a book called king, warrior, magician, lover. you may even find it on YouTube being read aloud.

also,tell us what you do for a living. the more I know the more help I can provide. please pm anything you don't feel comfortable sharing on here. the more you share the more help the others can give.
tell us about hour hobbies and interests too.

[ItsASecret]

As I tell my buddy, if you keep doing the same thing you will keep getting the same results. Plain and simple. Change your approach and you can see different results.

Honestly this miss fantasy magazine perfect model you are hoping to find is not likely to come around. Sure any man can wish she would come for him, and wishing that is not a problem at all, but when it consumes you to the point of denying any other possible relationship with another woman then it becomes a problem. You need to reevaluate your whole approach and thinking to the situations you put yourself in. If your jokes are not funny why are you telling them, if your friends are making jokes about a certain thing about you then maybe you need to change that about you, if women tell you they would be looking for a gentleman why be the douche or jerk as you say? Somehow you need to convince yourself that the model perfect women are not the norm, a lot of women wish they were, but reality says that is not true. If you are focusing only on the extremely attractive, the "insanely hot", the "out of my league" type and completely disregarding all other women because they are not up to your appearance standard then what do you think those women are thinking about you for that approach?

How do you know that a woman you are currently friends with or know is not actually really attracted to you because you are you but you show her the shoulder because she is not a perfect image? You could have a relationship right now, you could be married right now for all you know, if you had approached the situation as open rather than closed to anyone except the model-esq. Does that thought bother you at all?

It is on you to decide how you want to go about things. If your buddies advice about being a jerk, using women for numbers, searching for the drunk ones in a bar and so on has not given you the ideal results then maybe you need to take a step back and think "hey maybe their advice is not good". You have come to an anonymous website for advice, that is a step in the right direction for unbiased advice. However it is still all on you to decide what you want to do. You are considered a mature adult now at 30, generally speaking a woman will be thinking you are that mature gentleman that they are looking for. If you do not come across as that then can you blame them for not being interested if that is what they are interested in?


As for the sex questions you had, the simple answer is ignore porn. Porn is a fantasy and nothing but, the reason porn is so enticing is because it is not reality. With a quick click you can get whatever you want which is the whole point, in real life if you asked a woman to do some of the things they do in porn you may be walking out of the room with a black eye. Ignore it altogether if you are trying to make hopeful comparisons. Real life sex is far more intimate and close, not so mechanical and by the book or script. Listen to peoples answers about sex and use that as your basis but do not assume it is a one size fits all. Sex is not predictable, it is not scripted, it is not all the same. Real sex follows no rules and cannot be isolated to some exact "how are you supposed to thrust?" or "what speed do women want?". That answer when it comes to can only be answered by the woman you are having sex with, what she likes may not be what you think or what you have heard or seen.

[Stillness]

As I find myself agreeing with IAS, I also feel that being a gentleman is overrated. I'm not saying you shouldn't be one. I'm am saying to not be so quick in changing the way you walk. There's something to be said for flare and individuality. Your friend who told you to change the way you move probably wouldn't give you the time of day if you switched your style. Also, I'm not saying to play games, but my experience tells me that a straightforward approach is not always the best. It's just basic social skills and human psychology.

For example, you may not be thinking about cookies or even like them that much. But if someone comes in the room and says, "DO NOT touch those cookies on the table!", the cookies are now an object of desire because you can't have them. I don't know why we're like that, but we are. It's such a powerful motivation that in my field we have a name for it. I don't really know if I should tell you what it's called. Now, you might be saying, "If you don't want to tell me I don't care. I don't have time for games." But in truth you probably do want to know because it's a little forbidden. I know that because what people say and what they do is often two different things. (Your friend might actually think your walk is sexy. And if she doesn't, it's likely that someone else will.) It's called "The Takeaway." If someone is not doing something I want them to do, I take away the possibility of them doing it or make it to be something only certain people can have. All of a sudden they want it.

Some people might frown on that, but sometimes people resist doing things they need to do or that would be good for them. I'm not saying you can maintain a relationship with that kind of stuff, but it can get your foot in the door. I had a relationship with one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen after being a gentleman put me right in the "friendzone." But when she thought she might lose out on a chance to be with me when her best friend thought I was cute she wanted me. I had no clue what was going on, but two beautiful girls were competing for me. Neither one of them would have probably given me action, but all of a sudden they were both all over me. I had a similar experience with my wife.

People can say it's different or wish it was different, but my love life and my wallet say otherwise. And I'm not a manipulative person, because I was being straight with all of these women. It was what was going on with them that taught me how it works.

[Magnetism]

I do know some couples that emulate what is seen in porn, but it's hard to know if the majority is like that. Not everyone is going to confess the reality and I also feel that internet forums give a skewed reality.

I would say communication is key. Ask your partner what they don't and do like.


When it comes to being a jerk, I think it may get you short-term fun from SOME women that may be attracted to an attractive bad boy. But in the long run, the women will end up leaving you anyway. For me, someone that's a jerk is a real sexual turn-off.

[BabyGirl]

I think the reason I couldn't achieve orgasm was because I really didn't want to be there. But it was too late to back out since I was already inside her. I was not at all attracted to the girls I've had sex with, but it was the best I could do. I had sex because I was 25 and all my friends had already done it. Its unheard of for any guy to be 25 and a virgin. But I didn't enjoy it at all. I remember thinking that I should have just watched my favorite porn and gotten off to that instead.

"Its unheard of for any guy to be 25 and a Virgin. But I didn't enjoy it at all. I remember thinking that I should have just watched my favorite porn and gotten off to that instead."

This part really tickled me .
I have a 26 year old Son, who is still a Virgin. And I don't know if he watches Porn or Not .. I don't Want to know.. I don't know if he " Takes Care of himself " or not and I don't want to know that either .. Lol
You very well may be similar to my Son .. Just not ready for the Sexual side and Commitment that all Good Relationships... Not only Start with,but need to progress and Survive.

He has a Mind of .. ( My Son )
Sex means Commitment, Commitment means Marriage, Marriage means Kids and Responsibility .
He was Not Raised Religious, just has seen too many friends that take it as Sex is Due them as the coming of Age, Instead of a Choice that must be made with responsibility .

You seem like a great Young Man .

Work on your Morality, meaning..
What you want in Life ( Future Goals ). What kind of Family you want.Do you want to Flit from Gal to Gal or are you looking for that Special Lady ?
When you find her,not if,but when,take it slow ..
Don't have a Plan .. Just go with it. Do what feels good to both of you, Stop if it hurts either of you , switch around,Talk while doing it .

As said by others.

Porn is not a good " Teacher "
The " Oh baby,harder harder,Yes Baby F me right there and all the Moaning and Groaning and the Slammin and Bammin .. Is not making Love...It is having a Fast and Furious Sexual Encounter .

There is so much more to " Making Love " than how fast or what Style ,you Position or Thrust in . Just set your goals and do your Research or Study the books/dvd/videos that are offered up here by all the members.

Take your time Sweets, 25 is Young

[a_dub]

Honestly this miss fantasy magazine perfect model you are hoping to find is not likely to come around. Sure any man can wish she would come for him, and wishing that is not a problem at all, but when it consumes you to the point of denying any other possible relationship with another woman then it becomes a problem. You need to reevaluate your whole approach and thinking to the situations you put yourself in. If your jokes are not funny why are you telling them, if your friends are making jokes about a certain thing about you then maybe you need to change that about you, if women tell you they would be looking for a gentleman why be the douche or jerk as you say? Somehow you need to convince yourself that the model perfect women are not the norm, a lot of women wish they were, but reality says that is not true. If you are focusing only on the extremely attractive, the "insanely hot", the "out of my league" type and completely disregarding all other women because they are not up to your appearance then what do you think those women are thinking about you for that approach?

This is an interesting point. Out of all the people I know, only a few have been in relationships with what I'd call really attractive women. As for me, part of my problem is I don't know what my "cut-off" should be. On the one hand, I'm not looking for a super model, at least I don't think so. But on the other hand, it appears I may indeed be looking "outside of my league". Should I be less choosy? But then I might be unhappy. Is it better to be unhappy and with someone, or lonely and frustrated? I do not know how to begin to answer these questions, and thats the worst part, I think, because no one else can answer them for me. Obviously.

Up until now, I always felt the right person would eventually come along, and that I would know, and that its an instinctive kind of thing. But now I'm not so sure. I seem to lack some basic human skill, that it appears everyone else has.

How do you know that a woman you are currently friends with or know is not actually really attracted to you because you are you but you show her the shoulder because she is not a perfect image? You could have a relationship right now, you could be married right now for all you know, if you had approached the situation as open rather than closed to anyone except the model-esq. Does that thought bother you at all?

Honestly, this thought does not bother me, because none of the attractive girls I know right now seem to be attracted to me. I've made do with porn, masturbation, and a vivid imagination for 30 years...its gonna be really frustrating, but I can last another 10 or 15 before I need to re-evaluate my options.

It is on you to decide how you want to go about things. If your buddies advice about being a jerk, using women for numbers, searching for the drunk ones in a bar and so on has not given you the ideal results then maybe you need to take a step back and think "hey maybe their advice is not good". You have come to an anonymous website for advice, that is a step in the right direction for unbiased advice. However it is still all on you to decide what you want to do. You are considered a mature adult now at 30, generally speaking a woman will be thinking you are that mature gentleman that they are looking for. If you do not come across as that then can you blame them for not being interested if that is what they are interested in?

I'm gonna change my approach. I'm gonna quit with the incessant joking, and feigned chauvinism (I've had girls call me out on that, thinking that I really was a chauvinist). Humor is not my forte, unless of course its with the fellas, lol. But I think I can be an empathetic person and genuinely sweet. I just hope my buddies aren't correct and that I have to be a jerk in order to get girls.

As for the sex questions you had, the simple answer is ignore porn. Porn is a fantasy and nothing but, the reason porn is so enticing is because it is not reality. With a quick click you can get whatever you want which is the whole point, in real life if you asked a woman to do some of the things they do in porn you may be walking out of the room with a black eye. Ignore it altogether if you are trying to make hopeful comparisons. Real life sex is far more intimate and close, not so mechanical and by the book or script. Listen to peoples answers about sex and use that as your basis but do not assume it is a one size fits all. Sex is not predictable, it is not scripted, it is not all the same. Real sex follows no rules and cannot be isolated to some exact "how are you supposed to thrust?" or "what speed do women want?". That answer when it comes to can only be answered by the woman you are having sex with, what she likes may not be what you think or what you have heard or seen.

That sounds pretty exciting. Like a mysterious adventure. The only sex I've had was mind-numbingly monotonous and I was actually glad when it was over. Probably the worst experience in my life, because its something thats supposed to be fun!

[a_dub]

Work on your Morality, meaning..
What you want in Life ( Future Goals ). What kind of Family you want.Do you want to Flit from Gal to Gal or are you looking for that Special Lady ?
When you find her,not if,but when,take it slow ..
Don't have a Plan .. Just go with it. Do what feels good to both of you, Stop if it hurts either of you , switch around,Talk while doing it .





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I have spent my life looking for that "special lady". I feel thats why I'm as inexperienced as I am. All my buddies have had sex with girls they've never cared about. In fact, I'm not sure if any of them have ever been in love. The one time I tried to copy them, thinking maybe they had the right idea, I found out that, thats not for me. Sure I could have a one night stand, but I want something more than that. My buddies do too, eventually at least, but they seem to be content just doing their thing. A couple of them are in long term relationships, so maybe they will be settling down.

[Element]

My man imposed morals on himself and even after crucial heartbreaks, he never did the "rebound" thing. Sure, it would had let out some frustrations on many levels, but he told me that he didn't want to treat women that way. Hearing that and seeing it in his eyes; you have to have respect for him.

It may be easy, well; to be easy, but in the long run it isn't worth a darn thing. It holds no bragging points and isn't looked kindly upon. It's rough to be sitting there waiting, but when you find that person and you care share honorable, honest, truths with them; it's the greatest thing you can imagine. I was 24 and still a virgin. I could had easily given it away to anybody just to scratch the itch, but I didn't want to be that. I wanted to share that moment with someone special, and I did. I've been with the only one I have ever loved, ever had sex with, for almost two years now. And even if we don't last forever, I won't ever regret what I've been able to share with him. What I've been able to experience with him. What I've learned with him and what I've learned about myself.

Nothing is ever perfect. Nothing is ever 100% assured. That's a part of love. Just believe that you'll meet your one, you'll have something good someday. Be positive and enjoy life, so when you do meet her, she'll get to see your smile first.

[jns]

Sit down and study the features, especially facial features, of women you find attractive. You will find a lot of variation. Then go and look at models that you don't have on that list. Try to determine what others find attractive about them. Even more variation. I think a lot of your reluctance in meeting women comes from the fact that you are being too picky about features.

Personalities are much more important for compatibility. I think that if you found the girl of your dreams feature wise, who was willing to go out with you, you would gloss over the personality conflicts and end up in love with her. That would generally create a relationship that would not work out. Instead, explore possibilities with women who are moderately attractive (in some cases relatively plain) and search out the ones with great personalities.

[ItsASecret]

As for me, part of my problem is I don't know what my "cut-off" should be. On the one hand, I'm not looking for a super model, at least I don't think so. But on the other hand, it appears I may indeed be looking "outside of my league". Should I be less choosy? But then I might be unhappy. Is it better to be unhappy and with someone, or lonely and frustrated? I do not know how to begin to answer these questions, and thats the worst part, I think, because no one else can answer them for me. Obviously.

Your cut off needs to be reality. You can be a happy man there is no doubt about that but if you base your happiness on the way a woman looks and refuse to even acknowledge, which you seem to be doing thus far, that personality and overall character plays a role in liking or loving a woman then yes you need to be less choosy. Looks are not everything. This fantasy woman could be your image ideal but if she is as dumb as a rock and truly makes you shake your head when she speaks because she is not that in tune with anything even for a simple conversation then what good is that going to do in a relationship? Ask any man if they believe their SO has the looks of a model and he is likely to say no, but ask him if she is the most beautiful woman to him and he will say yes and beam with pride that he can call her his SO. That is love, loving who she is and from that she becomes the most beautiful woman to him. You have to love who that person is, not base love or desire solely on what that person looks like. If you tie your happiness to what she looks like and avoid talking to any other women who truly may be an excellent fit for you then frankly you may live a long lonely life waiting for that fantasy to just drop in front of you. If you are okay with waiting for something that may never come then so be it, many men do that waiting and hoping for their fantasy to come true...alone.

Honestly, this thought does not bother me, because none of the attractive girls I know right now seem to be attracted to me.

See right there again, a disregard for the other women you know who you label as unattractive. I asked about the women you know not singly the attractive women you know. You did not mention the women you know, you instead jumped right to "none of the attractive girls I know right now". I am sure you know more women than solely attractive ones. So how do you know that others are not secretly attracted to you? That is the sort of thing you need to catch when you are talking to women. Maybe a woman is not a perfect 10 but if she makes you laugh, makes you smile, makes you think "she would be fun to hang around with" why not give her a chance?