[Element]

You can't look at it as only math of "if I'm going to get a girl". And looks are not everything. What matters about a person is who they are, their morals, their integrity, if they're honorable, trustworthy, a good human being. You have to find someone who is compatible with who you are, but is still different. Opposites attract.

Before meeting my man he hadn't had sex for 5 years. I was 24, he was 30; and I gave him my virginity. I know his hormones were saying "It's been half a decade get in there!" But he was respectable of me and that one night was a big factor in how I view him to this day. Granted we found that our sex drives aren't on the same level since I seem to never get enough, but our ages play a part in that and also that my sex life is less than a year old. But we make it work, obviously.

My man and I are opposites in a lot ways, but those opposites help. They keep things exciting. He likes that I'm the kind of girl to keep him on his toes. I find his nerdy gamer ways adorable. You just have to find a person who can see all of you; and like what she sees. It can be a bit of a hunt, but it's worth it.

[a_dub]

Thanks for your thoughts element. I think I realized a while back that I might only be attracted to women I have no shot at getting.

[jns]

a_dub, I see you saying you are only attracted to women you have no chance of getting is an excuse for not trying. If you do not have a chance with them now, change yourself so you become more attractive to the ones you want. Is it easy? No, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

[shoshannah]

a_dub,

First, don't despair. There is someone out there for you. You need to think about what type of person you are, what your interests are, and such, and also the sort of woman you would like to find, and what sort of woman you think would be into you with your personal likes and dislikes. Then think about where such people would hang out. A school library is different from a singles bar is different from a Dungeons and Dragons club. Find the environment where you are most likely to meet your Ms. Right.

Once you find your candidate, don't push it. make sure you like each other. You have plenty of time to learn about each other and open up.

Let sex be an expression of your relationship and feelings for each other and not an end in itself. That removes some of the pressure and makes you ore relaxed and less uptight.

My boyfriend is a pretty shy person, and I'm at least as shy as he is, yet we found each other. We were both virgins, but we didn't push things or rush, so when it finally happened, we were both comfortable with it emotionally. Despite our shyness, we are comfortable with our sexuality and have a wonderful sex life together.

In terms of mechanics, I have watched very little porn, but I will say that remember that a lot of it is ACTING. :-) Things in real life tend to be a lot less organized and perfect than they are in the movies, just like with any other film. To take just one example, while I find my boyfriend extremely handsome and exciting, I'm not sure that most people would think that he has movie star looks. And they sure wouldn't think that about me (just on the basis of my weight alone!). Yet he finds me attractive and sexy (something I still have trouble getting my head around).

There aren't _that_many positions--you face each other or away from each other, one of you is closer to the ceiling when you're not lying side by side; arms and legs get tangled up, wet spots happen--it's all real life. As for regular thrusting--sometimes we'll get into a regular rhythm, especially when one of us gets close to orgasm, but it doesn't last for long--it gets boring, or someone's leg falls asleep, or whatever. One thing, though--my boyfriend almost always comes inside of me. The porn shots of the guy going outside are just to give the camera something to look at, I think. In real life, the last thing--the very last--that my boyfriend wants to do when he is getting close to orgasm is pull out. Staying inside just feels too good for him to want to leave. And psychologically and emotionally it's a very intimate moment for me as well, and pulling out just ruins it; when he reaches orgasm I want him deeply inside me, and I want him inside for my orgasm too. Others may disagree, but that's one couple's perspective.

I hope that some of this helps. Best of luck!

[a_dub]

Thanks shoshannah, that was a very nice thing to say!

[Harmony]

a_dub, I see you saying you are only attracted to women you have no chance of getting is an excuse for not trying. If you do not have a chance with them now, change yourself so you become more attractive to the ones you want. Is it easy? No, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

^This.


A_Dub, could you tell us a little more about yourself please? (while retaining your anonymity of course). I don't ask out of idle curiosity I'm just trying to paint a vague picture of you, the more you can tell us the more advice we can give, and the more accurate it will be.

Improving yourself, with a view to become more successful with women is relatively easy as long as you have the right attitude. You sound a lot like me when I was younger because like you, none of the skills required to attract women came naturally to me.

If you're interested in improving your situation let me know and I'll (and so will the other members most likely) be more than happy to offer you some ongoing advice and support.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

“Sensuality often hastens the "Growth of Love" so much that the roots remain weak and are easily torn up.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Porn is commerce - its created to make money.

It has nothing to do with making love to a women in the real world.

When one does not love the dregs from the soul come up to the surface.

When you gradually fall in love with somebody the sex is much better because emotions are involved without the heart, sex is like a cake without the fruit, nuts, cherries and the cream.

When the women loves you back and you know she's aroused because shes turned on by you it so much better than when a women is dry and she loaths you.

When a women is aroused and shes dripping wet on the outside and the inside its because you've taken the time to get her aroused and she realises that you really do care about her and you might actually stay around to look after those children.

See thats where to women sex is about eventually having children but for the man it can be just to satisfy his hunger for a release of seed and self gratification.

What younger men probably dont realise is the best sexual pleasure is when you care about the womens pleasure more so than your own at least initially.

Orgasm should be the goal of everyman because the highest sexual pleasure a man can have is when the women is at her highest.

When a women has an orgasm with a mans penis inside now that is such an indescribably incredible experience for the man regardless of how good that is for a women.

So much so that if you ever get to that place that I'm sure very few men experience you'll know exactly what I mean.

Your given all the ingredients to the most incredible experience of your life now what you do with those ingredients is up to you.

You can squander your wealth on much less pleasure or you can experience the ultimate in life's pleasure in the time you have been give on this earth.

[a_dub]

^This.


A_Dub, could you tell us a little more about yourself please? (while retaining your anonymity of course). I don't ask out of idle curiosity I'm just trying to paint a vague picture of you, the more you can tell us the more advice we can give, and the more accurate it will be.

Improving yourself, with a view to become more successful with women is relatively easy as long as you have the right attitude. You sound a lot like me when I was younger because like you, none of the skills required to attract women came naturally to me.

If you're interested in improving your situation let me know and I'll (and so will the other members most likely) be more than happy to offer you some ongoing advice and support.

What kind of info are you looking for?

Like I said, I'm average looking, maybe slightly better than average. About 5'8", 170 lbs...average build now, but when a couple years ago I was 20 lbs lighter kinda ripped and toned. Not six-pack toned, but well above average. Now I'm just average, haha. I plan on getting back in the gym but I'm a bit busy right now.

Personality wise, I'm goofy and I try to make a lot of jokes. My friends, who see me think I'm hilarious, but in a goofy and crazy kind of way. After failing a few times, I've realized this is not what most accomplished women are attracted to. I need to be more reserved and quiet. Around women I'm attracted to, my jokes are not funny or witty, and by making a lot of them I come off as trying to hard and being desperate. Think Chandler from Friends.

I'm not sure if this is as important, but apparently the way I walk might be a turn off. A close female friend of mine teases me about it all the time, and one day I asked her, and she said that she would never have gone out with her boyfriend if he walked like me. "No classy girl is going to like you if you walk like that, sure, you'll get ghetto chicks, but no class girls." Just to give you an image, I was stopped at the airport recently by a TSA officer who asked me, "Where you from man? You walking around like you straight from the hood." He wasn't making fun of me, he just was amused, and I took it as a compliment, lol.

I was talking to a couple of my buddies yesterday, one of them is so good looking he could be on the cover of GQ. He's had girlfriends so hot that NY Yankees relief pitchers would hit on them at clubs. Anyways, they both told me that you have to kinda be mean to a girl and act like you don't care in order to get her to like you. That if you're too nice, you'll be viewed as too easy of a catch and needy and desperate. That you kind of have to be a jerk. Not a big jerk, but a little one. But I've had a number of girls tell me thats not at all true and that you should always treat a woman like a gentleman.

So who's lying here? Or is it that my friend is good looking enough to get away with it, but a more average person like me can't?

[Element]

I was talking to a couple of my buddies yesterday, one of them is so good looking he could be on the cover of GQ. He's had girlfriends so hot that NY Yankees relief pitchers would hit on them at clubs. Anyways, they both told me that you have to kinda be mean to a girl and act like you don't care in order to get her to like you. That if you're too nice, you'll be viewed as too easy of a catch and needy and desperate. That you kind of have to be a jerk. Not a big jerk, but a little one. But I've had a number of girls tell me thats not at all true and that you should always treat a woman like a gentleman.

So who's lying here? Or is it that my friend is good looking enough to get away with it, but a more average person like me can't?

That will depend on the type of girl that you are looking for. If you want drama and a relationship that reminds you of high school, then go ahead and play games; you'll get drama. If you want something real, then you have to be real. But in all reality, do you want to treat a woman like that? Would you respect a man treating your mother like that? At the end of it, the way you treat a woman says everything of what kind of a man you are.

[a_dub]

That will depend on the type of girl that you are looking for. If you want drama and a relationship that reminds you of high school, then go ahead and play games; you'll get drama. If you want something real, then you have to be real. But in all reality, do you want to treat a woman like that? Would you respect a man treating your mother like that? At the end of it, the way you treat a woman says everything of what kind of a man you are.

Yeah I think that girls who aren't interested when you're nice, probably wouldn't be any more interested if you were a bit of a douche.