[SaraSmile]

A different't man's point of view: It is very difficult to generalize, but some (many? most?) men do fantasize about women they see, women in movies and stories, etc. I'll admit it, I do. In fact I have fantasies (and not just erotic) that would be quite shocking to some. But - they are just fantasies. I have the view that one's own mind is private.

Additional info: I never fantasize about someone else when I am with my wife. I do often fantasize about my wife when I am not with her.

I am aware that some women have fairly shocking fantasies as well.


PS: hope I got the partial quote of the original post correct.

Well, Thanks for your candid point of view. I can't say it pleases me. I am not sure what to think of it. I wonder why men like to fantasize like that. Of course, I don't think you can answer that. It's more or less rhetorical. Like I said, I do think that someone may think I am hot or maybe that guy over there is looking at my *buttocks*,....along those lines....but I don't want to fantasize about having sex with them. Oh, and I meant in everyday life (not actresses or the like), meaning the waitress at a restaurant, the girl sitting in your class you took for some training at work, the new secretary, etc. I have to say, it makes me sad. To me it seems like just a few steps away from cheating. That's this woman's point of view.

[Fallen1]

A different't man's point of view: It is very difficult to generalize, but some (many? most?) men do fantasize about women they see, women in movies and stories, etc. I'll admit it, I do. In fact I have fantasies (and not just erotic) that would be quite shocking to some. But - they are just fantasies. I have the view that one's own mind is private.

That is something I have trouble understanding - why a man that has a s/o will fantasize about other women. I can understand it if he's single, or if he's not sexually satisfied in his relationship ..... but if he is satisfied why?

I know for myself when I see an attractive guy I think "wow he's nice looking" and that's as far as it goes for me. I don't think about having sex with him.

[rcoreyus]

That is something I have trouble understanding - why a man that has a s/o will fantasize about other women. I can understand it if he's single, or if he's not sexually satisfied in his relationship ..... but if he is satisfied why?

I know for myself when I see an attractive guy I think "wow he's nice looking" and that's as far as it goes for me. I don't think about having sex with him.

I wonder if we have really found a fundimental difference in how men and women think?

I could lay it down to biology / evolution: In a pre-civilization world a woman has a tremendous biological investment in having a child - she should only have sex with someone who will help raise that child. For a man, the biological cost of sex with a stranger is very small, so he might as well have sex with any woman who is willing - before returning to his wife.

Before people get to upset with my mentioning evolution / biology, I am not using this to defend the morality of the action, just its motivation. Also, the majority of men will not REALLY have sex with any willing woman, so civilization has controlled those impulses.

Certainly in some cultures wealthy men could have multiple wives, and in many others mistresses were common, so the desire to have sex with more than one person must have been fairly common.

Well one of the reasons for an anonymous forum is that you can hear honest opinions - hope they don't offend.

[Fallen1]

I wonder if we have really found a fundamental difference in how men and women think?

I think this is probably the root of it all.



Back to the original tread idea - I will say that my opinion on masturbation is that it is natural and as long as it's not taking away/causing trouble in your relationship I don't see where there should be a problem.

[SaraSmile]

I wonder if we have really found a fundimental difference in how men and women think?

I could lay it down to biology / evolution: In a pre-civilization world a woman has a tremendous biological investment in having a child - she should only have sex with someone who will help raise that child. For a man, the biological cost of sex with a stranger is very small, so he might as well have sex with any woman who is willing - before returning to his wife.

Before people get to upset with my mentioning evolution / biology, I am not using this to defend the morality of the action, just its motivation. Also, the majority of men will not REALLY have sex with any willing woman, so civilization has controlled those impulses.

Certainly in some cultures wealthy men could have multiple wives, and in many others mistresses were common, so the desire to have sex with more than one person must have been fairly common.

Well one of the reasons for an anonymous forum is that you can hear honest opinions - hope they don't offend.

It doesn't offend as much as it disappoints me. But I have to think not all men are exactly alike....and, like you say, doesn't mean my SO would cheat, just maybe he is tempted to in his fantasies. I know he *hates* the thought of me cheating, so that ought to keep it in his pants....

[SaraSmile]

I think this is probably the root of it all.



Back to the original tread idea - I will say that my opinion on masturbation is that it is natural and as long as it's not taking away/causing trouble in your relationship I don't see where there should be a problem.

Yes, that is the consensus. Thanks.

[SaraSmile]

That is something I have trouble understanding - why a man that has a s/o will fantasize about other women. I can understand it if he's single, or if he's not sexually satisfied in his relationship ..... but if he is satisfied why?

I know for myself when I see an attractive guy I think "wow he's nice looking" and that's as far as it goes for me. I don't think about having sex with him.

I agree. Why fantasize about having sex with others when you are satisfied, in love, and happy? I guess men tend to get bored more easily.

[rcoreyus]

It doesn't offend as much as it disappoints me. But I have to think not all men are exactly alike....and, like you say, doesn't mean my SO would cheat, just maybe he is tempted to in his fantasies. I know he *hates* the thought of me cheating, so that ought to keep it in his pants....

For many men, the fantasy and reality are completely seperate. I have fantasies, but I have not and will not cheat - even though I have more motivation than most (my wife will almost never sleep with me). I even on one occasion got an offer from a women I had fantasized about. I turned her down as politely as I could - we are still good friends.

Of course what applies do one person doesn't apply to half the population - either way.

[rcoreyus]

It occurs to me that a lot of women may object to porn becuase they don't think their SO is already fantasizing about other women. They may think that the porn is the source of the fantasies. This might explain why men and women view porn so differently. Maybe the men are already fantasizing about other women, and the porn just provides a few more variations - so it doesn't seem like a big deal. To the women, the porn seems to be adding something new - to be the source of the fantasies.

Do I have enough "maybes" and other disclaimers in here?

[tommyr]

It occurs to me that a lot of women may object to porn becuase they don't think their SO is already fantasizing about other women. They may think that the porn is the source of the fantasies. This might explain why men and women view porn so differently. Maybe the men are already fantasizing about other women, and the porn just provides a few more variations - so it doesn't seem like a big deal. To the women, the porn seems to be adding something new - to be the source of the fantasies.

Do I have enough "maybes" and other disclaimers in here?

I cannot speak for all men but I do speak for myself. I enjoy seeing attractive women: anywhere, anytime, anyplace. The less clothes the better. It would be pretty hard to avoid seeing scantily women - on billboards, in magazines (look at all the partial nudity in women's magazine!)

Having said all that, I am happily married and would never even consider cheating on my wife. I do not dwell on fantasies of other women, it is more just fleeting thoughts that come up (and quickly subside) when I see an attractive lady (in picture or in real life). I do my best to conceal this - never would my wife ever realize that I even noticed. And to my knowledge, I have never brought these fleeting fantasies into our bedroom.

My wife knows I occasionally look at (code for maturbate with) porn on computer. She is fine with that because it helps to balance our sex drives (mine is much higher). For example she would never have interest in a forum like this - she rarely things of sex.