[anonymouswhitefemale]

I almost find it funny reading over and over than women don't understand why men might masturbate and fantasize. To me this just means that they aren't willing to think about it from any point of view other than their own, which is a problem.

Men and women think in different ways, and the only way for them to get along is to understand that we have differences and cope with it, not be disappointed and angry with the entire gender because they aren't how you would have them.


I guess this is what irritates me about these threads and why I respond bluntly, because all I see is complaints and barely a thought to understanding. And all you ladies seem to encourage us in this, reaffirming that men are all wrong... Well, that not all men are wrong and that's why maybe you should go elsewhere (to run into the exact same problem after a month or two).

[SaraSmile]

I almost find it funny reading over and over than women don't understand why men might masturbate and fantasize. To me this just means that they aren't willing to think about it from any point of view other than their own, which is a problem.

Men and women think in different ways, and the only way for them to get along is to understand that we have differences and cope with it, not be disappointed and angry with the entire gender because they aren't how you would have them.


I guess this is what irritates me about these threads and why I respond bluntly, because all I see is complaints and barely a thought to understanding. And all you ladies seem to encourage us in this, reaffirming that men are all wrong... Well, that not all men are wrong and that's why maybe you should go elsewhere (to run into the exact same problem after a month or two).

Well, I can see you get very defensive. I just don't like the idea that happily married or otherwise joined in a relationship people (men) have to fantasize about other women other than their SO. I do try to understand, but the thought of my man doing that makes me feel like I am not enough and feel like he may cheat one day.
Addendum: You may be right though. You may have nailed that one. There is always something (that makes us want to go elsewhere). Men and women just don't see eye to eye on certain issues and can't understand each other sometimes. It's sad.

[SaraSmile]

For many men, the fantasy and reality are completely seperate. I have fantasies, but I have not and will not cheat - even though I have more motivation than most (my wife will almost never sleep with me). I even on one occasion got an offer from a women I had fantasized about. I turned her down as politely as I could - we are still good friends.

Of course what applies do one person doesn't apply to half the population - either way.

I am hoping the fantasy (if there is one or more) is totally separate from what my SO wants as reality because, if I thought otherwise, we would be separating very fast. I am not fond of thinking I am a sitting duck....but I know what you mean. Thanks for that info.

[SaraSmile]

It occurs to me that a lot of women may object to porn becuase they don't think their SO is already fantasizing about other women. They may think that the porn is the source of the fantasies. This might explain why men and women view porn so differently. Maybe the men are already fantasizing about other women, and the porn just provides a few more variations - so it doesn't seem like a big deal. To the women, the porn seems to be adding something new - to be the source of the fantasies.

Do I have enough "maybes" and other disclaimers in here?

Not to disagree, but if I understand you right, I do have to disagree. I think that porn is safer (to me) than fantasies about real-life women...the ones he sees almost daily, etc. I didn't think my SO had fantasies about real-life women, but there is a possibility he does. I just am not sure. I think he might have had one about a person he wanted to have sex with in the past and could not because she had a BF and he was married at the time. If he fantasies about that....well, what can I do. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith...even if I am not good at that. LOL. We'll see!

[Fallen1]

I almost find it funny reading over and over than women don't understand why men might masturbate and fantasize. To me this just means that they aren't willing to think about it from any point of view other than their own, which is a problem.

Men and women think in different ways, and the only way for them to get along is to understand that we have differences and cope with it, not be disappointed and angry with the entire gender because they aren't how you would have them.


I guess this is what irritates me about these threads and why I respond bluntly, because all I see is complaints and barely a thought to understanding. And all you ladies seem to encourage us in this, reaffirming that men are all wrong... Well, that not all men are wrong and that's why maybe you should go elsewhere (to run into the exact same problem after a month or two).

Maybe I shouldn't say this because I don't want to come across as though I'm trying to attack you, but it seems to me that you don't even want to see it from any point of view but your own either. As I stated in another thread, rather than trying to help these ladies understand and be more at ease with it you tend to take a somewhat hostile approach with your "Blah blah" and "get over it's". Sometimes we just need someone to talk to and a little caring and understanding goes a long way.

[rcoreyus]

Not to disagree, but if I understand you right, I do have to disagree. I think that porn is safer (to me) than fantasies about real-life women...the ones he sees almost daily, etc. I didn't think my SO had fantasies about real-life women, but there is a possibility he does. I just am not sure. I think he might have had one about a person he wanted to have sex with in the past and could not because she had a BF and he was married at the time. If he fantasies about that....well, what can I do. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith...even if I am not good at that. LOL. We'll see!

Without disagreements, there wouldn't be much point in a discussino board .

I think you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what someone is thinking. Its often difficult to even tell what you really think yourself. Much better (I think) to judge by actions and words.

Also, we can control our words and actions, but not out thoughts - OK, whatever you do, don't think about a lime green elephant in a top hat!

I think there may be a real difference in how men and women think about sex. It is very difficult to tell, because it can't be discussed openly, and even when anonymous, there is a lot of pressure to be dishonest "The only woman I ever think about is my wife...".

The biology of men and women is different, and that may produce different attitudes.

My general advice would be that if you partner is good to you, and says nice things to you - don't worry about what he is thinking. If he is like me, most of his thoughts will be about you, and will be very flattering. Sometimes he will think about other women - but just as a fantasy. He will know the difference between fantasy and reality, and never cross that line.

[Fallen1]

Also, we can control our words and actions, but not out thoughts - OK, whatever you do, don't think about a lime green elephant in a top hat!

I think there may be a real difference in how men and women think about sex. It is very difficult to tell, because it can't be discussed openly, and even when anonymous, there is a lot of pressure to be dishonest "The only woman I ever think about is my wife...".

My thoughts on this, and I hope I can explain it so it is makes sense -

What I do have a problem understanding is someone who has a s/o deliberately choosing to fantasize about other women. What I mean is I know when a guy sees an attractive female that his thoughts will most likely stray, it will happen, I understand that you cannot control what pops in your head. But when that man sets out with the intention to fantasize about other women ..... to me that is disrespectful to his s/o.

Did that make any sense?

[ChelseaRenee]

My thoughts on this, and I hope I can explain it so it is makes sense -

What I do have a problem understanding is someone who has a s/o deliberately choosing to fantasize about other women. What I mean is I know when a guy sees an attractive female that his thoughts will most likely stray, it will happen, I understand that you cannot control what pops in your head. But when that man sets out with the intention to fantasize about other women ..... to me that is disrespectful to his s/o.

Did that make any sense?

Completely agree. And you're going to get comments about how men are entitled to think about whatever they want in the privacy of their own minds and it doesn't matter WHAT that does to the self esteem of their spouse, so be ready.

[SaraSmile]

Without disagreements, there wouldn't be much point in a discussino board .

I think you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what someone is thinking. Its often difficult to even tell what you really think yourself. Much better (I think) to judge by actions and words.

Also, we can control our words and actions, but not out thoughts - OK, whatever you do, don't think about a lime green elephant in a top hat!

I think there may be a real difference in how men and women think about sex. It is very difficult to tell, because it can't be discussed openly, and even when anonymous, there is a lot of pressure to be dishonest "The only woman I ever think about is my wife...".

The biology of men and women is different, and that may produce different attitudes.

My general advice would be that if you partner is good to you, and says nice things to you - don't worry about what he is thinking. If he is like me, most of his thoughts will be about you, and will be very flattering. Sometimes he will think about other women - but just as a fantasy. He will know the difference between fantasy and reality, and never cross that line.

I agree that men think differently for sure. Very much so. In some ways, we (women) can have double standards and be unfair. However, on this issue, it is a parting of the ways, for the most part. Though, there probably are many women who do have fantasies about other men than their SO, I think most do not...not if they are in a serious relationship.
I do take your advice to heart and am trying to understand and realize he does not *really* want someone else. He has told me that. He has told me fantasies are fantasies, etc. Thanks again.

[SaraSmile]

Completely agree. And you're going to get comments about how men are entitled to think about whatever they want in the privacy of their own minds and it doesn't matter WHAT that does to the self esteem of their spouse, so be ready.

I do think that it is clear they believe their fantasies are normal and they are not about to change. Men and women are different. I know some of it hurts me...but I am trying to understand. It ain't easy. LOL